My journey into stepmotherhood has been incredibly painful, yet I remain hopeful that things will improve - or that I will suffer enough to overcome.

Having known the children a year before marrying enabled me to approach my new life without any naivety - fully expecting my husband to be torn in different directions re matters of loyalty, discipline, affection etc...however, I didn't anticipate him restricting his affections towards me for fear of my step daughters becoming jealous (had he told me, I'd have prepared myself as best as possible). Whilst that matter is mostly resolved, and I am glad that my husband and I have made it through - I still bear the scars of all that has happened during this transition. This cannot be the 'new normal'.

We're working the issues out as a couple and a family and I continue to love and take care of the children daily.
Do of you have suggestions as to how I can heal within an environment that is not conducive to healing? Here's an example of what has happened with my step children (the list is not exhaustive):
- (The eldest - aged 16) posted something racist online then eventually removed it 24h after the initial request. No apology was made.
- (eldest) running away to be safely found shortly that evening, by a helicopter. No apology recieved. Repeated this again months later (climbing through the bathroom window).
- (the youngest - aged 13) sending an ominous text during our honeymoon about being afraid. After much worry, it transpired that there was no actual danger / problem (or reply to my husbands messages). No explanation followed.
- (youngest) displaying 'unexpected' behaviours around my husband (bending over and showing everything, getting on all fours and putting her bottom in the air whilst wearing very tight jeans / clothes. Stands over him and 'presents' herself. She'll also get into his personal space and press her side to his - when he and I cuddle in the couch (she used to try and come between us, pull him towards her solely or try to sit between us). It could be that she is experimenting with her sexuality & is wishing to be affirmed as attractive.
- Both girls would go on address their father only - thus excluding me from conversation till needing something, or to offer a back handed compliment like 'I want a small diamond like yours when I get married (from the youngest), or to redirect the conversation to their talents, beauty or figure.
- (youngest) repeated snooping: 1) outside the bathroom door whilst I made a personal call re a friend; 2) during what we thought to be a private time (we do not know how long she was stood there or how much she heard till hearing her voice ); 3) in the kitchen, 4) outside our bedroom door - twice (recently, to listen into our personal call). There's been no apology for any of the instances...or embarrassment for that matter.
- The youngest expects the same treatment as me & seems to loathe it when I receive flowers or a compliment. Just the other day she asked "why does she get her her car door opened first".
- in general, it's about challenging my role in the family, me as a woman and my role as their fathers wife, rather than be supportive if their father and new family.