MSloan86's Blog
Almost out of gas
So after a year and a half of couples counseling and really getting to the root of our issues (in my opinion) DW feels she can no longer continue with our counselor because she doesn’t feel heard and the counselor just has a different parenting style… (???)
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Emotional purging
Some days you just scream inside to get out of your own life, to escape your own existence.
Other than my daughters smile and kiss each morning, I haven’t a single thing I enjoy in my life.
Time spent with my wife is tense, and often uncomfortable. The vibe is rarely warm and there is no affection sent my way,
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I hear the fat lady warming up
And she is about to start singing. After therapy today my wife wants a new counselor, this one is always blaming her for everything wrong, shes a lousy parent... This isnt true, but she does try to get my wife to see that her way isnt always the right way when you have a husband.
Morale is at an all time low. :sick:
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Fading fast
So yesterday, SD comes to talk to her mom about taking her shopping. DW told her she could go with a friend. Then SD showers and is now ready for DW to take her and a friend. DW didn’t say she could take them. She had a ton of ingredients all over for some food prep she was doing. This turned into whining and a growing attitude. I left the room as my input will cause an escalation of any argument. I went to my office and closed the door. The volume of the conversation started getting louder and I realized the topic had changed to a new cell phone.
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2 steps forward... ??? Steps back
I havent posted anything in awhile. Still trying to get my head around a number of things.
Anyway my relationship with my wife had been improving. We were looking at OUR relationship and focusing on portions of it. Things were definitely better than they were 6 months ago. Far from perfect but moving in the right direction.
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Counseling focused on SD cell phone photo fiasco.
So we had our first counseling session since I had the talk with my wife about SD’s cell phone photos. Go back and read the last 2 blogs if you want details.
The counselor laid into DW pretty hard. She told her I was being a dad, and a damn good dad, and she should be singing my praises for what I did. When SD gets the boom dropped she should sing my praises to SD. (not that SD will care at that point) She offered some actions I am 100% on board with how she would handle the situation.
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Fuse was lit and yup, it blew up
So tonight I sat down with DW and told her about the photos on the SDs phone. What I was worried about was basically what happened.
DW wanted to talk about why I looked without telling her before hand. I told her I spoke with my counselor today and said I was worried it would become this conversation, that DW would avoid the serious issue and focus on what she perceives I did wrong. Saddly I was right. DW got a bit defensive.
DW: Why did you think that?
MS: Well, I was right.
DW: But WHY?
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Lighting the fuse
For whatever the reason, I think my wife sees my views regarding SD as trying to ‘get at her’ where I see them as trying to put responsible boundaries in place. In counseling the therapist has told my wife that my reactions and attitudes are very paternal. Ive also pointed out how I am the one BD knows means business and shes only 2.5. She will drag out bedtimes with all kinds of crap with her mom, but I put her to bed 3 nights a week, no drama, no long drawn out process…
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A BIG mental dump. Caution: reading may give headaches.
I feel lost and confused these days. This blog, like others will likely be long and disjointed. It helps me sort out some thoughts so forgive the mess.
Some days seem great, things are moving in the right direction. Next day is frustrating and I am again alone in my own home.
If it wasn’t for BD2, I am pretty certain I would give up and move on. It would break my heart but I am sure I would go, regardless of how much I love my wife.
I feel hope again.
Recently I have really tried to be expressive to my DW about my feelings and thoughts about our marriage and our difficulties. I pointed out things I had been doing all along, and did my best to explain why I was pushing for certain things in regards to handling SD13.
Also earlier in the month for her BDay and Valentines Day I tired to send the message of how much I cared for her and SD, how much I wanted to make things work.
DW had but up a fairly tough wall due to our differences with SD. There had been no physical intimacy for an extremely long time.
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