Should I give my DH gas money?
So DH is self employed, and hasn't had any work for a month. The last weekend that we had skids, I gave DH gas money to pick them up, (they live a little over an hour away, and his vehicle is a gas guzzler). He hasn't worked since then, and hasn't paid me back the money I lent him to get skids. We do not split our finances, my money is mine, and his is his. I know DH will not have funds to pick up skids, nor buy them anything like the sugary snacks, and drinks that they require for the weekend. I'm wondering, do I give out my hard earned money so he can get skids, which will likely make my weekend miserable and leave me short, or do I tell him I can't afford it? Part of me thinks I don't want to give him the money because I'm resentful that he has had over a month off of work, and hasn't finished one project that he started in the house, or done anything else around the house, while I've been working, and now I feel like I'm expected to pay him for sitting around playing games on his phone all day. What would any of you do or say in this situation?
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Honestly, I'd tell him I
Honestly, I'd tell him I couldn't afford the expense this week... I wouldn't want to fork over hard earned money if DH isn't pulling his weight at home and it would make you miserable having the chaos descend.
It's not a lie, you can't afford mentally to give him the money....
Totally agree.
Totally agree.
You're under no obligation to
You're under no obligation to toss out gas money. Either you do it and not resent it or you don't give it to him. Do not give and then resent or b*tch over it.
The snacks and drinks would be an automatic 'no' regardless whether he gets the gas cash. He can get a small bag of old fashion pop on the stove popcorn and the kiddies can wash it down with water for snack time. DVD and popcorn...cheap entertainment.
Sounds like the DH needs to find perhaps a part or fulltime job on top of his self employment (which seems to be leaving plenty of free time and not very productive). If the guy isn't working how is he going to pay his share of the household expenses or any of his CS? If you don't give the cash then spend the weekend discussing how finances have got to be more stable in his world. It's currently gas money. Next it will be mortgage and groceries and electric bill and oh, pay his CS for him too.
I'm just saying, if you give him the cash, give it without resentment (knowing full well you do not have to) and with no strings attached. If you can't do that? Zip your pocketbook closed.
Thanks, you all have good
Thanks, you all have good answers. I know I am not responsible for his having no money, and in all actuality he makes over double what I earn when he is working, but never saves anything. I am not going to feel obligated to finance him, nor am I going to feel sorry for him. He has been super lazy lately, he hasn't finished one project that he's started, and it's inconvenient to have to walk around all his tools, and not be able to use the one bathroom because of it. I could understand it taking longer if he was working, but with him being off, he could at least spend his days being productive around the house, and then I might feel differently about the situation.
No way. His job is finding
No way. His job is finding more work. I am self-employed and am never off. Even if I am down a retainer, I am always working on contacting and networking to get another one.
Not my job to facilitate a
Not my job to facilitate a skid visitation.
I always ask the question "If
I always ask the question "If I weren't around what would he do?" I don't feel it's my responsibility to help someone else meet their parenting obligations. If he were living on his own what would he do? Maybe he wouldn't be able to get his kids that week or maybe he'd have to humble himself and ask someone else for the money. Either way, I don't see it as your cross to bear. Just my two cents.
I feel your pain. I'm living
I feel your pain. I'm living this right now. My DH has been off work with a wrist injury since June. He was supposed to have surgery this week but a snow storm postponed it. He sits around the house playing video games while i juggle 4 part time jobs and night school. I'm not angry that he's hurt but when i come home to dishes and laundry not done and his excuse is his wrist hurts i can't help but be resentful. I have funded a couple of SD16's visits and i told him after the last one the international bank of fedup is closed. Why am i funding a visit that i am ignored and/or disrespected?
Absolutely not!Don't do
Absolutely not!Don't do it,it's a slippery slope and may we'll become the expected norm ie. you bail him out when he is out of work. The skids visitation is the financial responsibility of the parents.So I would urge you to say you "can't afford it" & leave it at that,if you feel guilty & want your money going to a good cause I'm sure there are plenty of charities you could donate to.Skid visitation charity ain't one of them!