And so it begins.....
I've always known there would be a day when SD10 would start to remove herself from our lives. Her mother is the queen of parental alienation. You know, since BM has been drilling it into her head since the age of 2 that she doesn't have to go see her daddy after age 12, I assumed age 12 would be the time. Then when we found out we were pregnant, I assumed the process would begin about the time the new baby was born, i.e. having to share her Daddy's attention, space, etc. But who would've guessed that it would begin as soon as her Daddy told her there would be a new baby. Hell, we haven't even bought one baby item so it's not like she has any reminders glaring her in the face when she comes over.
So we are going on weekend 3 of her having some kind of excuse for not seeing her Dad. Weekend 1, she was sick. Whatever - she called her Dad at 4:30 (pick up at 6) to tell him she didn't feel good and she might come over the next day. Didn't happen. Weekend 2, she had a horseback riding lesson on Friday night and she just had too many projects to finish at home to come over early on Saturday. So DH picked her up at 2 on Saturday. By bedtime, she was crying and just too sick to stay the night. She wanted to go home. DH doesn't play that game so he told her to call BM and have her come get her. Now on Weekend 3, she has already called and said she has a birthday party/sleepover on Saturday so she will come see him for tonight. It's a good thing we hadn't made plans that include her.... actually, we had. Oh well, guess she won't be included in our family outings from this point forward.
So done with this little girl and her psycho Mother!!!!!
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This sounds like what DH
This sounds like what DH deals with now. I say DH because no skid, no issue for me. He has 2 girls 8 and 11. DH and I got married now almost 2 years ago, only 1 skid was well enough to attend, whatever. We had DD14mo, the skids disappeared for the summer, pretty much my entire pregnancy, ok fine. Now DH and I moved into our own home last December. So I told MIL that I would cook Thanksgiving, the skids knew.
All of a sudden BM says, they have an every other thanksgiving rule and it's her year, you had them last year, we did not. Anywho, BM knows that we are having it at our house, she's playing, Who's more important "skids or ours". I don't think skids are going to like the outcome of that game.
The Skids only show up around gift getting occassions anyways, they are always sick or have xyz to go to. Whatever. I'm not involved. DH loses out and whether they realize it or not so do they. }:)
That's exactly what DH is not
That's exactly what DH is not willing to do. He will not go back to court. First trip, BM falsely accused DH of molesting SD(4 at the time.) Second trip to court (just last year), BM and SD10 insinuate that DS15 and DS13 were inappropriate with her. I told DH I would never step into a courtroom with that woman again. And SD10 is no longer allowed near my kids without an adult present.
So it looks like DH will just let the cards fall where they must. Makes me sad for DH, but what can you do? Fighting it will only make matters worse.
PTSD, I never thought about
PTSD, I never thought about it that way.... It does make a certain sense. Anyway, I understand your situation, we had something similar happen a few years ago. I installed live web cams in various parts of our house, as I really did not trust the skids. At all. They were turned on whenever they were over. It's no joke when they start with that particular type of allegation.
Finally I'd had enough. It just made me too angry and uncomfortable to have them in my home.
Dh met the on the weekends (they were already teens) with another person that could be called on if needed to testify in court, to supervise the visits.
Now, at almost 21, he still only meets with them in public venues and does not pick them up or drive them home. Not alone. They've questioned this a few times and were told the truth. Because your actions and words have consequences I (he) can't take a chance on being alone with you. Maybe when they're 35. Maybe.
If I were you, I'd put in camera's. Hire a friend or even a social worker looking to make a few extra dollars. Someone who can be trusted, and never be alone with them.
SS8 tried that for the first
SS8 tried that for the first time just last night. He told BF over the phone that he talked to his mom and he didn't have to come to our house this weekend. BF text BM and she said she never told him that and that she has to work this weekend. SS just wants to stay at BMs house because there are no rules and he can stay up ALL night and play video games. He's grounded from them at our house because he's always bad at school.
Funny thing was when he told me what SS said, I immediately knew he was lying. BM hasn't had them for a weekend in a year and half. She has no desire to spend time with those kids.
Oh, you won't get a fight out
Oh, you won't get a fight out of me if she decides to stop coming over. When she is there, it's like our family is split in two. Can't stand it. DH caters to her every whim - because he sees her so little. And me and my boys just kinda do our own thing. I've even tried to plan the boys going to their dad's on the weekends SD10 comes so they don't have to deal with her and I can just go shopping and stay away from the pukefest I call "precious princess time."