Is this a case where BF's lack of a spine allows the BM to have such an effect on you or is he really powerless? If he lacks spine then you have every right to be disappointed in him. Maybe your anger with him has been deflected onto the BM. I spent many years angry with SD because I couldn't admit to myself that I was losing respect for the absolutely wonderful man I loved. Now believe me, my SD's behaviour has been a huge disappointment, but it would never have had the effect on me that it did if my DH and I had been operating as a solid unit.
If he is truly powerless over the things that you are angry about then maybe you really should cut him some slack. It is difficult enough to be accountable for our own mistakes, but having to take responsibility for others' mistakes is hellish.

I am guilty of the same thing, it is because we unfortunately are not able to yell at BM for being such a selfish bitch because they are not within our reach like hubby is. The Fact that hubby is easily manipulated by BM because she uses the kids also makes us angry at him for being so blind to it all. It is hard but i think maybe you and i should take up a martial art of some description and vent that way!!!!!

I suck at this...if BM does something that pisses me off, like say...I don't know...EXISTING...there are some days where I can't even look at my DH. Seriously. We had to deal with her 3 times this week, which is more than I am used to dealing with her in 3 months, and all 3 days I barely spoke to DH. It sucks, because he does the best he can, and its probably not fair to him, but when I get mad about our situation, I have to "take a break" from DH so I dont say hurtful things to him, which I sometimes suck at too...

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

OMG you sound like me so i know how hard it can be. I have become to understand this puts DH in a really hard position because although he dosent have the same feelings for BM that he has for me she is the mother of his child and his relationship with her is very important for the well being of that child. She is never going to go away so try to understand that he loves you not BM and it doesnt really mater at the end of the day because you are the one he has chosen to be with.. believe me its easier said than done but in the end it will be worth it cause you don't want to have to feel these feelings throughout your whole relationship with him it may well destroy what you have. Good luck

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Its impossible for someone to make us miserable when we choose not to participate in their craziness. Instead of getting angry at the BM and taking it out on your partner, tell him you will not participate in any conversations or interactions with the BM. Tell him you are always willing to discuss your relationship but not his relationship with his ex. Preserving your relationship may depend on you removing yourself from her insanity. Tyler Perry said in one of his Madea plays that we will always have other people talking about us and want nothing more than to make us miserable. However, it's not what people call us, it's what we answer to that's important.