SS14 in trouble.
This week my ss14 got into a physical altercation with another student at school. Both kids received in school suspension. My ss14 received a "feelings packet" to work on while in suspension. According to bm, one of the questions was "how can you fix this problem?" And ss14 wrote suicide, quitting school, blowing up the school. Of course this was not taken lightly by the principal, so bm was contacted to pick ss14 up from school. He also told the principal that he was going to quit school, get a job so he could help take care of his family, that his mother is never home, and that she never tells him she loves him, hugs him, etc., that the clothes he was wearing his child support paid for.
Dh and I are upset to learn this. We both have a good relationship with him and he rarely gives us any problems. We only get him eowe, alternate holidays, and extra time during summer, attend all of his activities. Dh and I think he needs more time with us now, because obviously he has issues with his mother.
Ss14 has to go to alternative school for the rest of the school year and has to see a therapist/psychiatrist on Monday. Hopefully he will be able to attend his regular school the next school year.
Bm wants all four of us, her and her dh, and me and dh to have a sit down meeting this Sunday to discuss what has happened. Of course we are nervous. Ss14 is really a good kid, great personality, and makes good grades at school. But something is not right at bm's house or he wouldn't feel the need to tell his principal those things. I'm just looking for support and insight.
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I can't offer much insight as
I can't offer much insight as this is one of those wait and see situations. I realize that actions by the parents needs to be done now and it sounds like you're all coming together to help SS so that's positive.
I do offer support though and I wish all of you the best and please let me know how things progress.
Thank you! I agree in
Thank you! I agree in thinking that he was seeking attention by writing those statements. I have a strong feeling he is already regretting it too! He has a good life, two homes, clothes, plenty to eat, parents who support him. Dh and I are glad that bm contacted us and wants to discuss the issues. We are definitely not going in ready to fight.
EMO for sure. This is
EMO for sure. This is another good reason why child labour laws should be dismantled if not abandoned.
Kids used to have small after school jobs that kept them too exhausted to make major trouble at school or anywhere else. Kids today are totally self absorbed, thinking they are all Hollywood stars and idle with little to no guidance from their parents. Sadly, the state has equated all structure and discipline other than organized sports as "abuse."
Too much emphasis on fake "self esteem" and fee fees have made this generation into narcissistic, whinging, learned helplessness-driven, entitled cowards. I blame the parents for buying into modern day psychobabble, taking offense at everything, adopting the "my kid, right or wrong" philosophy, while trying to find some entity to sue.
The something that may be
The something that may be "off" here is your SS emotions and hormones. Trust, me I am perfectly happy to place blame for shitty behavior on BM if that's where it belongs... which in my SS14 case? Is where it belongs... However...if there is no gross abuse going on here (which it does not sound like there is) I am not one to condone a skid running to the other household to "escape" problems.
This is what SD15 did. There was no abuse at BMs... can BM be a nut case? Yes. Is BM a slob? Yes. Would BM give SD money for whatever she wanted? No. Would BM shower her with kisses and love and unicorns? No. In MY eyes, is BM a shitty parent? Yes. However, there was no abuse, nothing that CPS would bat an eyelash at. The shit storm that SD15 got herself in at school was her own doing. SHE made CHOICES to not go to school, SHE made CHOICES not to do her school work, SHE made CHOICES to start shit storms with other girls. I feel that instead of running to daddy SD15 should have been made to deal with the CHOICES SHE made. I think it is setting a child up for failure to think that they can run away time things aren't going exactly as they think they should.
But by golly.... divorced/separated parents are so damn hell bent these days on "saving" the kid from the other parent and being the "better" parent. I totally understand that your DH would be concerned and want what's best for SS, but facilitating and enabling rarely has a good outcome in the long term.
So very true Daizy! Thank you
So very true Daizy! Thank you for your response. We are not trying to change the custody arrangement...maybe an extra day or two month if he wanted. Ss is going to have to pay for his actions for a long time, and this is what we plan on telling him when we see him this weekend. Even if he does go back to his regular school next school year, he will more than likely not be able to participate in his beloved extracurricular activities. He made the wrong choices so now he has to pay the price. I'm hoping once he starts alternative school and sees that he his surrounded by trash and thugs that he will realize he doesn't belong there and that he will rethink how he reacts.