I don't hate you. Sometimes, I too, get bothered by the venom that is directed toward children. Children of 6, 7,8, 9 and even into their teens. Sometimes it's directed at children with psychological issues and other times at children just because they are acting like kids. Acting like kids their own age!! :jawdrop:

I don't like it either. But I have been told to stay out of it on more than one occasion. I now only respond to a post like you mention when I think

a. There's hope to improve the relationship and the blogger seems interested/ willing....

or

b. The blogger is so far out of line they need a reality check. And by that point, I don't really care if they think I should stay out of it.

But I like what you said and I hope that some people read it and take it to heart.

Some situations aren't what they appear though, so please do be careful not to lump all posters that are having some issues with their skids with the posters that constantly b*tch and moan, and don't want to do anything to make it better.

Myself? My SD7 is a pretty good kid, thankfully. I have no issues with her, it's her mother, AKA "the Golden Uterus" that gave me reason to seek out this site. I have 2 bio daughters, one of which is 15 going on 28 with an attitude! I swear that kid makes me understand why mothers in the wild eat their young...

but this is also a place to vent. I guarantee you that almost every one of these people would jump in front of a bus for their skids just as quickly as for one of their "own." Myself included. But at the same time this is a valuable place to say the things that you can't say to oh, your DH, your mom, or the nice police officer (haha, jk). We know it's not their fault but I would much rather see venom spewed here, amongst adults and peers, than at the skids themselves.

I think too you will find a lot of anger/angst/frustration at the skids derives from a wife's frustration with her DH, the biological father and the forced association with scummy BMs. I can only speak for myself here, but I don't want to make my DH feel like a shit because he already does for sins both real and imagined. And I love him. So what do I do? I google a place for stepparent support, a place where I can rant and rave and cry and say sing it sister and purge myself of at least some of the anger, resentment, irritation, worry, and fear. A GREAT deal of my own anger comes from the fact that my skids are more than likely going to grow up to be useless wastes of humanity. And there is VERY little to nothing that I can do about it but try to show them that people don't actually have to live the way their BM does.

I think you are an amazing person. And God has certainly blessed your skids. And yes, I too have thought that some people may be just a little too harsh sometimes. But we have never walked a mile in their shoes. I don't think you come off as judgmental, hateful, or anything of the sort.

This is the internet where anybody can be anything. And those whose shoulders and backs are about to break can scream like a steam whistle and ease the burden before bending back into the traces. Thanks for your post and view from "the other side of the fence." It is definitely something we all need to keep in mind!

This is steptalk. A place for us stepparents to come together and vent about our situations. Yes we knew we were getting in to this when we married our DHs/DWs and yes most of knew the BMs/BDs were psycho but that doesn't change the fact that this is a place to vent. If you don't like it then don't visit.

I don't blog often but why must I feel guilty for letting my feelings out here? Most of us feel guilty enough for feeling the way we do about our SOs, BMs and Skids. We certainly don't need a fellow stepparent making us feel that way too.

So I say gently and trying not to be rude...what the hell is wrong with you? We're just stepparents trying to survive!

You posted your thoughts on here and that is what this site is for. Be grateful that you can feel so close to your step kids and that you can take pride in them because of your help in raising them. We are all hoping for the same thing, love, acceptance and happines it just comes easier to some then others. Yes they are children but alot of the posters on here IMO are children too. It is tough to be a bio parent let alone a parent of three overnight who you don't know and are suddendly supposed to feel this bond with. Most of us have enough guilt over our feelings or lack of feeling for our stepkids and are trying to work through it. I have read very few (although some) posts where the step parent is actually taking there frustrations out on the kids. I think you might want to go back and read from the beginning some of the posters blogs to get a little more insight into their life and what they have been through. It is easy to take any blog and make it sound harsh, even yours. I think we need to support eachother and I appreciate your post and the fact that there is a place like step talk where we can post and vent and know that we are not alone.

I think most of us really would do anything for our stepchildren but everyone needs to talk trash and complain about things...I think I'd rather see people complaining about their stepchildren on here than have them blow up and do it to their Dh or the kids themselves.Ialways think of this place as a place to learn and a place to get out the negative feelings so it's not bottled up...it frees me to act calmly and rationally in real life because frustration is like poison and if you don't get rid of it somewhere it's gonna kill you. Stepparenting is frustrating territory when you only have these children pop in and out of your home once in a while...venting is a healthy part of life and I think blogging about it is a good thing. It can be negative a lot but if it makes the person feel calmer so they can go and handle their stepchildren with patience and understanding then i say 'blog away!' I guess some people just need an outlet for aggression and most people are just terrified of the situation they're in...fear causes aggression. I've seen and have been given a TON of fantastic advice here. Some of it rubs me wrong but it also helps me to grow and see there are other ways of thinking and handling things. So when I'm negative, I try to blog about it and get a difference perspective. It might be odd but I don't think I've ever met a person who didn't need to vent and be negative about certain things in their life...
I've been guilty of being far too negative about my stepdaughter...really though, it's not 100% her. It's lack of control,lack of respect,lack of communication...etc. DH,BM,and I have very different parenting styles which causes a lot of friction but I can't always think,"i'm right,they're wrong." So I have to blog about it to get a different view...if you complain to your friends most of them just want to comfort you...if you complain to strangers they're going to tell you how they see it and not care if you like them or not so you get a REAL opinion that you can use.

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

If the women here are negative...I'd like to see blogs by the BMs,skids,mil's,etc...that these ladies deal with in their lives. I'm sure they aren't nice or positive. I agree skids are children though...but just because we have to vent about them doesn't mean there's something wrong with us...I have to vent about my bioson often bc he has adhd and it's so frustrating to be patient with him sometimes.

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

and Sassy in my opinion is venting on what she sees as an issue. I won't condemn her for it - just as i will not comdemn stepparents who are having troubles with their BKs and SKs.

I think it all boils down to parents/stepparents coming here to vent on what is bothering them and doing in a forum where the sks are not privy to it. I view it as a safe haven for everyone - although everyone does not agree with everyone.

Sometimes in the world of blended families - everyone may need to blow off steam. It can get stressful from all sides. Parents, children, stepkids and families (old and new) just causing a inordinate amount of stress for step kids and parents.

They come in here to blow that steam off - just like you are blowing steam off about the posts or whatever you are not liking at the time. That's all!

It is a forum for venting.

Ya know, the more I think about your comment above the more mad I am getting. How dare you!

You are venting about us venting. Again, I say if you don't like it here then leave. This is for stepparents to vent. We are all supposed to be on the same page. We have enough fighting and belittling to deal with at home. Don't make us feel like this here.

Why the hell would you even go there? You say "gently and trying not to be rude." You must really feel strongly about this to even post comments like this. Again, who the hell are you to scold us for writing about how we feel?

Go away!

have a place where I can let all my negative feelings out than to keep it built up inside of me until one day I snap on Blabb or DH, and tell them all the awful thoughts and feelings that I have. Which is more damaging to the child? Venting our feelings (that most of us already feel guilty about) here on step talk? Or to directly tell the skids what we feel? If our skids are so caught up in the stress of split parents, they don't need to know that we think they're spoiled rotten brats.

I agree with BitchBarbieBitch though... it's not 100% of the skids, even though we vent about them. It's usually BM and DH because a) they're the ones who are parenting the children (and usually they aren't doing a very good job) b) they don't allow us to have any involvement with the skids unless it involves buying things for the skids... watching and taking care of them while BM and DH do their own thing... etc. Set boundaries and discipline? Forget about it!

I would love to have a great relationship with my skid, and I'm working on it. But you can only do so much by yourself. Blabb? It's all about herself so if she knows that I'm not going to buy her everything she wants like mommy and daddy do, she won't want to have anything to do with me. It makes it even harder when you don't have the support of your significant other.

I don't hate you... and I can understand your frustration. But do keep in mind that everyone's situation is different. I for one have said some pretty bad things about Blabb, but it would be hard to completely understand my situation until you have walked in my shoes.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

decided to give my two cents..I think ALL children bio/step can all be PITA'S..But with that being said steps can be harder to deal, why bc they werent born to us..They have mothers whom make it hard to have a realtionship or if you do she tries to ruin it with her PAS bullshit..But what can you take from that is hopefully you can do your best and TRY to build on from that..I know in many cases trying to build a realtionship is almost impossible..I understand this is a site for venting ( lord someone lets you know everyday that it is) but also isnt it a site for learning and trying to make our lives a little better..There are some on here who all they want to do it critize and poke fun at their skids..In my eyes that isnt helping the situation its only hurting it and themselves..You cant bitch and moan whine and cry when YOU as the adult arent doing anything to help it yourself..For those I say get over yourself and welcome these kids, who knows you may even trick yourself into liking them..Now onto those of you how really TRY to make your situations better, I give you all the KUDOS in the world, and for some I see why you truly dont like your steps..Do I fault you hell no at least you tried and tried again and got nothing in return..So therefore I dont blame you for throwing in the towel..But my point

1. Yes this is a place to vent
2. Yes you have every right to vent on whatever you want.
3. Realize people will read what you type and respond to it, though it may not always be what you want to hear..
4.It is hard being a stepparent..

But at least give the children the chance before completly writing them off..Kids are going to be kids and apart of your lives forever..You dont need to name call and insult the child, to everyone on the internet..Or make yourself look really big by doing something underhanded to a CHILD..Because that child will grow up and will learn who was the bad guy and who was the good guy..Hope all this made sense just trying to point out the negatives and positives..

"The future's uncertain and the end is always near." Jim Morrison

sassy you're entitled to your vent and opinion about this site...but similar to us, I wish you could have said your opinion in a slightly different way. Obviously, most ladies here(self included) need to work on our communication skills and the way we say and present things. I think your post would have been better received had you worded it a different way...just like maybe you'd receive our posts/cries for help and advice differently if we would word them differently. Too bad it's not a perfect world:)

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

Perhaps you're on the wrong site....

I envy you; you seem to have a wonderful relatioship with your skids and love them as your own... Not everybody here can say that. I can't even say that. I love my skids, but not as my own. I treat them well, make sure they have what they need when they are with me, but I don't love them as my own and I don't feel bad anymore about it. I spent almost 3 years mad at myself for not "feeling it" with them, and guess what? I don't have to. I still have a good relationship with them, and my DH has learned that it's okay for me not to feel as though they are mine.
Not everybody here is dealing with children; some are dealing with grown "adults" who are reckless, irresponsible, rude and lazy. Some of us are dealing with young children who are just as bitter or even more than the ex. We all don't have it as easy as you.

Maybe there is a website out there for SP's like you who seem to have an ideal relationship. Maybe you can give some of us advice on making the most out of our relationship with our skids.

"I aint no Carol Brady"

Someone has already echo'd this, but if you are so completely happy, why are you here? In my regular day to day life, I am a vision of the perfect step-mother (laughing)... I clean for them, cook, buy them clothes, do homework, kiss boo boo's, put out fires, etc etc. Inside though, I need a break. I need a girlfriend that I can bitch too about my life. About how when I do all of these things, it's still not good enough, and about how tired and frustrated that makes me. Unfortunatly, in my case - none of my girlfriends understand because they are not step-parents... so I come here. It relieves my tension, and gives me a different outlook or view on things. Sometimes, and I hate to say it.. reading other peoples blogs that are 'worse' than mine, give me some peace.. as sick as that sounds.. haha.. but once I'm done venting on here I go back to being the perfect step-mom. I have biological kids too, and I bitch about them all the time... the difference is.. I can bitch to everyone..and it's ok.. It's not ok (in my world anyways) to bitch about my step-son, because it seems to offend everyone. I am personally glad that I found this site... it has helped me out quite a bit.

Sassy I commend you on your wonderful relationship with your skids, and as a user of this site, you are entitled to post whatever opinion you have. I agree that "bashing" children for the sake of bashing is not right. But I truly believe that venting about stressful relationships (including our step/biokids/ and DH's)is completely normal and healthy. If most of us did not have this site to be neutral territory, we would either be 1) long gone from our relationships or 2) certifiably insane. Most of us do post positive interactions with our skids when they do occur (though for some it is as frequently as a frozen lake of fire). If you read our posts you would find (at least for mine) that I "bitch" about my skids, DH, and even my own parents occasionally. I guess you could say that I am an equal opportunity "bitcher". It just happens that because BM's and skids tend to create more stress, you see more posts of those interactions.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

I would probably be fine with my SS. If the only issue I had was him being a brat sure kids are all like that I could deal but the situation is that not everyone's stepkids are just being kids. Hell mine is threatening to kill my unborn child. Not exactly your everyday acting up.

Truth be told if he was biologically mine and was acting as he is I'd be venting about him as well. Has nothing to do with the fact that he's a stepkid and not my biokid, I wouldn't take this kind of attitude from any kid.

I'm actually surprised that some of these posts weren't addressed to me as well. Here's what I THINK Sassy was trying to say...

And... as Crayon pointed out... If it's venting against uber-spoiled, children that are playing the COD card (well said Crayon), then yes,... I think we all can completely understand and commiserate with the blogger!!

BUT... It's the times when someone is venting about a 6 year old child saying "Daddy Daddy Daddy".. or climbing in their lap to give them a kiss. It's the times when someone is complaining as in "UGH... This 7 year old girl wants to just eat junk and then doesn't pick up after herself"... It's stuff like that, where we - I honestly believe - ALL OF US - need to try to differentiate between what is a "step" problem and what is just a "kid" problem. When I started being a stepmom ... I could see myself sometimes holding my SD to different standards than my nieces and nephews, which is completely unfair to her!! She was a kid. And she was her own kid. Not a product of my family. And I really really dislike my BM's family over here. They have been nothing but trouble for us. I have said it before... I feel like, if you observed or saw SOME of these behaviors in other children, they might not bother you as much. So that's where I am coming from. It's those blogs that I feel are mis-directed anger toward the BM / SO that is now being directed at the skids because they are more likely in their young innocence to show their horrible upbringing front and center. And that's why I answered the way I did.

And before anyone wants to write me back and tell me my situation is better... I just had a weekend where BM shows up on Friday, changes plans for Saturday... SD wilts into herself on the couch,... I stand up to BM .. there's some yelling, phone calls... BM's mom is telling me I cannot talk to my own SD WHO LIVES WITH ME .... and that was Friday!! On Sunday. I cut my finger and have to go to ER for stitches... show up back home at 10pm last night after ER to find BM and SD cousin in my house!! - where I knew they had been for hours - and stayed a little longer. I actually don't mind the cousin, I just didn't want to see BM after having been bleeding for 5 hours!! Oh yes, and then on Saturday morning SD confiding some things to me about her mom that are just heartbreaking. I was going to blog about Friday's excitement on Saturday, but I was exhausted... Oh!! and DH is away for work for 8 more weeks. So please... don't tell me that I have things better than some of you. I know by reading who has it better and who has it worse.....

Sometimes I think the same thing. Sometimes it amazes me how much some SM's hate their sk's. Then I have to remind myself that I'm fortunate. I have a great relationship with my SD.......... I do however hate the BM!

So for me to fuss at someone over posting bad things about their SK's would be like others attacking me for posting bad about the BM. But oh yeah, wait that happened already! Sheesh, how did I forget that one.

So basically what I've learned is that ST is a place where step parents come to vent, as long as it isn't about the BM, or the step kids. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm....................

Sorry Sassy, my mind got sidetracked. But the point I was trying to make is that you are right. Sometimes people sound very harsh. But at the same time you and I don't have to deal with what they do, if we did I bet we'd be harsh to!

~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~

since I havent seen ANY response from Sassy, I will assume the post was meant to stir the pot and will not respond.

Well as many if not all of you have read my posts, I take HUGE offense to this. I in fact think sassy has lumped us into the "disney wicked SM role" I for one try, and try, and try....... with not only SD,MIL, But BM to much!! I am a dumb A** and have been told so before here. But take it, I may not like the "answers" I get but if I didn't want the many wide raise of opinions then I would not post or be a member of ST. I wish that as hard as I try I could stop caring about SD (or her "teenage" kid ways :sick: ) but that I can not do! I also try with BM as again I have been taken out and stoned for but, I also know that most posters on here are here to give advice BECAUSE they have seen the HELL and evil that can be done from almost my exact senerio!
SASSY shame on you, for trying to make us SM/SDad's feel like since we are going through hell and yes, alot is not the stepkids, but like in my life it is SD,MIL, & BM if we all had it great like you do, then we wouldn't look for this place.
I personally would be baking cookies and cakes for when BM, SD, & MIL came over for dinner :sick:
HOW SAD that you are here when your life seems to be PERFECT?
~Step Parents of a feather stick together!~

"You can post what you like about YOUR situation, but you have to refrain from criticizing people here - especially with a critical post putting everyone in the same category and causing others to feel offended."

,,,,,,hmmmm..... where and when did she put all steptalk members in the same category? I for one did not feel categorized...she was simply posting about her opinion about something...I learned my lesson on here long ago about this topic, so I shall refrain from posting any of my personal opinions, but anyway... lets see,,,this is how u are telling me that steptalk now works????...u can say all the things YOU want, but if we have a different take on things, we must be censored?....LMAO....then no one on here should EVER ask for "advice" or " honest opinions" with regard to their respective situations....LOL...u gotta be kidding me....really?....

"Not everyone has the same life, the same story, the same hurts, the same joy."........exactly...isn't that the point????...learn from each other??? That's why I'm here....I may not call my skids names, but I get VERY frustrated and have a LOT to learn about being a good SM and I get great insight from all different situations whether I agree with their tactics or not.

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

You are very lucky. Even DH's relationship with them has been ruined because of BM's PAS. And he had a pretty awesome relationship with them before he "remarried" and BM "started her sh*t", doing her best to turn SD's against him and also against me because she is SO JEALOUS AND A CONTROL FREAK.

I don't think it's right to attack the people on ST. We are doing the best we can, given the situations that we have to deal with. Do I hate my step-daughters? Right about now, pretty much because they are clones of their wack-job mother. AT 12 and 15 YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO TREAT PEOPLE BADLY. Especially your own father who has been WONDERFUL to you for your entire life. I have also gone above and beyond the call of duty to be a wonderful step-mom to these girls. I get SH*T from them...DH and I both do. But BM walks on water and does no wrong ever.

See what I mean?? If you have it so good, why are you even on here to begin with?? Just curious...

Love

yur right...I didn't see "everybody" before...my bad...I agree, u cannot generalize about something like that...I guess I didn't take offense cuz I didn't feel it applied to me....

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

When you are told again and again that there aren't other parents out there who have trouble dealing with your step kids like you do. You need a site like this to vent about your skids. When I came to this site, I was looking for opinions and other options as to handle BF and skids. This site proves to me that there are other SM's out there struggling with being a SM.

Sassy, I don't hate you but I do envy you. You and DH have the skids all the time it sounds like. You don't have the biomom and if applicable, her DH/BF's influence and values or lack thereof to counteract every time skid returns from the EOW spent at their house. Sounds like you and DH are free to raise the kids as you see fit without having to worry about stepping on the biomom's toes. I wish that DH & I could raise SS and my BD without any interference from the other side. I also have an XH to deal with but he at least acknowledged that I was better suited to raise BD full time and doesn't give me much grief. He pays his child support and has a recurring dinner date with BD on a weekly basis. The extent of our conversation revolves around BD, pickup times, grades, upcoming events BD is involved in etc. I wish that were the case with biomom. Instead, not only am I reminded that "he's not YOUR son", "I'm the mother of his child" blah blah, but I have to watch DH tiptoe around and not upset her for fear of being dragged back to court. All the while, SS absolutely idolizes biomom I guess because she's the absentee parent. It's a bitter pill for alot of us to deal with and if I didn't have this place to come to, vent, read etc. I would feel like was alone and crazy for feeling the way I do sometimes.

I want to make this as short as possible.

I am tired and fed of my stepchild, husband and his ex-wife. My husband and I are married for 3 years. I told my husband his 7 year old daughter had big issues. His ex is the witch from hell and my SD follows her lead and feels very much protected by her mother. I am ready to walk out because there are just too many issues with this child and my husband and the ex where I guess just good to lay in a bed and conceive her but neither one of them are good enough to raise her. My husband, when I met him thought that raising a child to be arrogant, rude and disrespectful was the cutest thing on earth. He would actually call me laughing over the phone to tell me what other cute arrogance his child had done.

This is all my fault. I had way too many red flags between his ex and his child and the disrespect he allowed his child to have towards him and other. The ex had him walking like a ballerina all because she gave him a child. I am the idiot,,,I should have ran but I still married him after all the fighting and tears I have gone through before we even got married.

I have told him until my tonssils have hurt to do something for his child. He picks her up the way I see it because he has to not because he actually cares about doing anything for her.

I give them alone time when she comes every other week. If I would have to deal with her and the ex every weekend like when we were dating, we would have been divorced a long time ago.

The SD has been through the DYFS system, they even visited my home once. My husband everything betwen his ex and his child keeps it too himself and treats me like an outsider. Yet, my girls , I could say they are good girls, not perfect girls but they are now 13 and 17 and I raised them 100% without a father and they were not traumatized by it or anything.

My SD touches herself, sleepwalks, is a bit to sexually awake towards boys, that she actually tried to force herself into teenage boys that have been around her due to my girls. She has lots of problems and school and the school notes from teachers have always been around. I have tried to tell my husband to take his ex to court and try to get her insurance card so he can take her to DR. She has a horrible cough for the past 6 months and her father does nothing. She has made accusations towards people that are dangerous, even her own family from her dad's side have approached my husband due to her behavior. My husband does nothing. She marched inside my home with some glasses from CVS pharmacy and I confronted him about it because she lied and said they were from the DR. My husband backed up her lie, well after I proved to him she was lying he still did nothing to make an appointment and take his child. Why couldn't he call his ex and ask for her insurance card or he would take her to court. The ex has taken him to court over 5 times in the time we have been married. I have been through hell and back. He has done anything to avoid that his child becomes a future delinquent or to try to raise his daughter the right way. This past Sunday his child I took to the park because my husband had to work. I took her because I felt bad that he had no taken her anywhere for the weekend. All because I grabbed her hand to cross the street this girl was transformed into the most evil human that I ever thought a kids 7 years old almost 8 could have turned into. She accused me of beating her (although only god knows how bad I wanted to kick her ass), she yanked on my hand told me her mother told her to call the cops on me, she not only threaten me with her mother and the cops she accused me of beating her. I had to chase her down the street and grab her until she still ran and crossed the street by herself. She could have gotten killed by a car. This was it. I have put up with things from this child my kids have never put me through. My husband doesn't want to do anything but spank her and yell and then she goes back to the laptop, tv and toys like nothing. She doesn't care, teachers are tired of her also. Her attitude for a child is very nasty. I took the time to raise my girls and I have rules in my house and it is very unfair to them that I always gave them discipline and now another child comes out of no where to do whatever she wants. She has everyone running away from her. I have tried to provide a good home and tried to teach her to be a little lady but it has not worked at all. She is growing up to be cold and uncaring and very unappreciative.

My husband is very good sweeping under the rug.He takes no action and expects people to deal with his daughters issues..like it is what it is. He does the same with our personal life. He has lived his life wreckles and I tried to help him fix it so we can accomplish something and nothing, he has actually continued doing this to wreck our future goals and plans. Still sweeping under rug. I told him because of all the accusations his daughter and made and the fact that for 3 years he has not taken action, I want him out of the house. My husband is very good to my girls and yes very kind and given BUT can also be a horrible human to me and I am not angel but I feel that I have no issues with my kids because I take care of them and he just continues allowing his child and ex destroying us so, I want out of this marriage. Too much has happened and someone can end up in a court room with a big accusation against them and I don't need that in my life. If he would have been trying his best to do something and be more caring and loving towards me it would have been different but he has been very mean and cold with the last incident we even sleep in separate rooms. Please advise. I am so fed up.

Sassy....I'm a little disappointed to see another generic post about the attitudes of the SP's on this site.

I'm not sure why you feel we all need to defend ourselves or answer to you for our opinions, situations, stresses and general ablity to use this site as a sounding board.

Wise up chickie and realize we post and vent here, so our DH's, DW's, kids and skids won't have to endure our wrath when we are faced with extremely difficult situations every single day. For the most part, we usually have all of the responsiblity of a parent but none of the authority to deal with the children of our spouses. And is some cases we have endured verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse at the hands of our skids and bioparents.

I'm glad you have a more balanced lifestyle, but as you can see it's the exception not the rule. It would be nice if you "walked a mile in my shoes" for one day. Trust me, after 20 minutes dealing with my step-demon you will be running to your computer to post a huge VENT either about her or the Uber-Skank.

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine

Its not about anyone hating you or even hating their skids or significant other. Its about having a place to vent and release all the negative feelings that can build up from having the stress of a blended family. Even in the most ideal of situations, there is still tension that can really hurt if you keep it pent up inside. I can't speak for everyone but I use this site for venting. If I can get helpful advice from all the lovely ladies and men here, then I take that as an added bonus but I post here so I can say the things I would not be able to say other wise. Its a safe haven to release and relax and let all the BS go.

I'm sorry that you've been offended by what others have written but keep in mind that we post our problems here when we're feeling our worst. Whether that be sad, mad or just plain defeated, we post when we're at our lowest point. Most of what I say when I'm at that point isn't what I really feel; its how I feel at that moment in time and its the anger and hurt that I want to put behind me.

Many of the members here are being responsible adults and venting to those who will listen and perhaps provide advice, or even a shoulder to cry on. This site, and all the posts on it, provide valuable information allowing members to gleen bits and pieces to help in their struggles as a step-parent. If there is a particularly offensive post, I simply move on. There's no blame, no anger, just 'oh, my views are different' and that's that.

Before StepTalk.org, I struggled alone and without guidance. Here, I know that there are other crazy BM's and stepkids who act like mine, and I can share how I feel with people who understand! AND I can leave my venting here, not invite it into my everyday life with my DH or family. For instance, have you ever vented friend or family member only to have what you said brought up again? Who needs that!

It is hard to hear other people talk so poorly of their step kids, but I think your advantage is that you are with your step kids 5 days a week, every week. It is different when you see your step-son, once a month like me because his Mom is selfish, so it's hard to connect. But when he does come over I give him so much love and so does his Dad. I wish we could have him every day of the week! Your lucky!

Throughout my (oh I don't know ALMOST) 2 years here. The site seems cyclical to me now. That people post tons of vents and depending on your perspective and your experience they either sound totally understandable or downright petty.

But what does that matter? Who am I to judge someone else's complaints about this situation?

I just read them and...

weep
laugh
laugh til I weep
sigh
growl
understand
am totally lost
don't care
commiserate
find a friend
lose an acquaintance

IF-
I can understand I empathize.
I don't understand I ask questions or read more posts to better understand.
I determine it's a personality or otherwise clash between mine and theirs I write nothing
I decide that they don't want advice or insight I don't offer any.
I mistakenly think they do and they reject it or get offended I apologize

Sometimes I do bite back when someone is being picked on no matter if I happen to agree with or like what they are saying, b/c I don't think personal attacks for sport and laughs are what this site is about.

I don't really mind you posting this Sassy. It's your opinion. I didn't find it self righteous as some, but then again I have never had anyone tell me I was superficial in my love, anger, devotion, rejection etc etc of SD as I sort through my process of "blending" (ha! there's a loaded term isn't it?)

So I can certainly understand those who are here to vent about things so they hit us with their anger rather than children or spouses, feeling picked on a little here.

Like I said, I don't mind whatever topic people need to vent about. Sometimes I scratch my head as to why they are so bothered by things, others (most times actually) I can completely get what they are saying regardless if it would bother me. But not everyone here takes that approach.

I will say that there have been many people who feel about this site like you do, but they don't often stay long once they voice that opinion, or they announce departure b/c they "can't take" the way people vent about SKIDS in particular. All of them have really tight relationships with their SKIDS, or are just starting out on their journey, or just really easy going in love with all God's creatures, especially children, OR have never met a kid who threatens to harm your baby b/c they feel displaced, etc.

So write, vent, post whatever you wish

But keep in mind that some will be very vocal and counter when they feel they've been judged. And that's their right too.

~Peace, Love, And Red Wine~

that many of us are confused (including me). Sometimes I vent, sometimes I advise and sometimes I seek advice. It is cyclical (spelling?) depending on the situation and maybe the time of month.
This is a safe place to VENT, ask for advice and learn from everyone's situation. No one should be chastised for being in a quandry of feelings.
I suggest that you take each post with a grain of empathy so that your judgements are softened with understanding.

about, it is the behavior.

Remember, the community is for people to vent their issues and get some advice and support. You may also note that the majority of the venting is not about the kids but their idiot opposition bio parent(s).

Many of us come here to vent so we can stay positive with the SKids in the real world.

Be that as it may, these Skid(s) and their toothless bioparents (on the blended family opposition) often exhibit behaviors that are worthy of negativity and contempt.

Facts are not good or bad, they are just facts.

Welcome, I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some good advice.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)