I guess it was a process but last year seemed to be the year that I finally got tired of the BS. After all, here I was 11 years into a relationship with a man 15 years older than myself who didn't want to do anything with his life besides smoke marijuana, watch porn all day, control my life, and play victim to circumstances (he couldn't find a job after he quit the previous one because he had a record). I began getting tired of the poor me act. I started seeing him for what he was. Though I loved him dearly, I knew that things could not work out between us because I felt alone. Because I WAS alone. Isolated from my friends, isolated from my family, ashamed of the loud arguments, of being called a "stupid bitch" for wanting to have a baby and get married. My life was all about him, yet somehow I knew there was more. I read all I could read about communication, trying to figure out where I was going wrong. I spent hours here on ST learning about stepparenting and the issues blended families face. I realized that a lot of what I thought I felt (hate for the ss), actually turned out to be anger at him for the way he parented his child. Nevertheless, still tried to work it out with him. Took out student loans because I couldn't work full time and go to nursing school full time. The plan was supposed to be that I would pay my rent for my junior year, and he would find work and help me out for my senior year so that I wouldn't have to take out another loan. I also planned to find a job and go through training during the summer while I was off and I would work as much as I could during my senior year just so he wouldn't have to do it all alone. I kicked him out in May after my best friend told me that he told her I was jealous of her during the time she stood with us for Christmas. Of course, I forgave him and wanted him to come back, but of course it was his turn to have one over on me, so he played the victim again and had an excuse for not helping me through my last year of school. I got a job at a hospital and began working per diem during my last year. Still spent time with him, still begged him to come back. No cigar. He continued being a baby, living with a roommate, found a job finally, but of course, since I was not respecting myself, he wouldn't respect me. A few months later, I began spending time with someone whom I had known before. He had also recently came out of a relationship. We hit it off and now here we are going on 10 months together. My ex went batshit crazy. Says he wants me back. Says he finally wants kids and to get married. Says he loves me and he's sorry. Says he forgives me for being with another man and to go back to him. He had his time and his turn. His time ran out. My eyes have finally opened. I told him I couldn't go back to him. I have become accustomed to being treated like a queen. The last time someone called me out my name was with him. The last time I cried was with him. I am rediscovering who I am, without having someone tell me what to do, who to do it with, and how to do it. I have learned to love having open and honest conversations with an intelligent man who promotes my growth and affects my life in a positive way. I love being with a man who has control of his children.
Yes, its possible to be in a situation where a man actually PARENTS his kids. Update for you all on the last situation....
The 2 year old slept in the boys' room. He tells him to go to bed at 8pm. So far, he listens. He goes to bed and goes to sleep until 9am. Seems like his mother is doing a great job with him. The first two, another story. Their mom is a crazy bitch apparently from what I am told. I refuse to engage in her craziness and have opted for happiness, in whatever form that may be that puts me first and is to my satisfaction.