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It's time for BM's annual mental breakdown...

Solidshadow7's picture

The CO gives DH the entire summer with SS5. Save for a single 2 week period of BM's choosing with a stipulation that dates cannot be repeated on consecutive years.

Last summer, the BM tried to convince DH to break up her two weeks into 7 weekends, each one beginning on Friday and ending on Monday. (Yes you can do math, that is 21 days, not 14.) She insisted that because his "weekends" during the school year go from Friday until Monday her summer weekends should too. Except the CO doesn't give her summer weekends, it gives her 2 consecutive weeks. After a week of threatening text messages and a few facebook rants where she referred to DH as having the intelligence of a potato with ears, she finally ended up with a random week in June and the last week before school starts.
She insisted on choosing SS's daycare program, and then decided that she was not going to pay for daycare because the CO doesn't directly specify that she has to. She also made a point of going to the daycare and carefully explaining to each employee that DH is abusing SS and must be watched very carefully around him. And a point of removing me and DH's brother and sister from the list claiming that as his mother only her family was allowed to be there.

You think the nonsense ended there? Oh no. When SS arrived for summer break he spent the first 3 days in bed crying hysterically "mommy's gone, my mommy's dead" After he went to visit her for her one week in June he once again returned and cried "mommy's gone" "you killed my mommy" for three more days.
Not only that but this woman is so emotionally unstable she drove to SS's daycare 3 days a week and SAT THERE STARING AT HIM for 2 hours a day.
To top off the summer, she asked to move the final week up by one day, and promising to return SS for the final day of summer. Then she sent some rant about how the CO doesn't really specify so she's just going to keep SS for the extra day.

So since summer is coming again, so is BM's mental breakdown. The first thing was a completely unprovoked facebook rant saying she wishes she had a time machine so she can go back a few years and still have SS but not have to deal with coparenting drama. (In other words, "I wish id been smart enough to conceal the pregnancy and/or disappeared with SS before DH had the opportunity to file for custody.")

For visitation she asks for the last week before school starts again. Of course DH says no, since he already knows she plans on withholding SS for the extra day again, and why should she have the first day of school every year? The BM is arguing that because it's only one week, and not two consecutive weeks (because DH did her a favor and allowed her to split them) the part of the court order that says she can't have the same two weeks every year doesn't apply. This eventually degrades into some nonsensical jibberish about how if he doesn't agree to it she's simply going to take SS every weekend all summer instead.
In the midst of this DH is waiting for a callback for his phonecall with SS. When it finally comes 45 minutes of crazy texts later, it's painfully obvious she's probably spent a good chunk the last 45 minutes coaching SS. DH says "Hello SS" and there is dead silence. After 15 seconds BM goes "Talk to your father" and SS says in a strange clear voice with zero hesitation "Goodnight, I don't want to talk to you." By the way, its 6pm and broad daylight outside. DH responds with "I know you don't like talking on the phone, I just called to say I love you." Again 15 seconds of dead silence until BM says "say goodnight, I love you" and again with no hesitation in the same clear tone and mimicking BM's intonation exactly SS says "Goodnight I love you" and hangs up the phone.

This woman is a MONSTER. Its even more aggravating that its actually been pretty peaceful for the last few months and she is clearly becoming unhinged because she knows she has to go a few weeks without her "need fulfilling object." (I mean, its obvious she doesn't realize that SS is a human being that she is destroying with her behavior.)
She's also begun her insistence that DH put SS in a learning program over the summer because he is behind (because SS had 54 absences this year and I believe the reason was that she missed him too much while he was at school) but of course she's not going to pay for it. And yes, I am aware this won't fly once school actually starts but prek is voluntary so attendance isn't required so other than gape at her obvious disregard for her son's well being, there is nothing we can do.

I can't wait to see what happens when DH doesn't put SS in daycare this year so she can't have her 2 hour long daily staring visits.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Well she is... Something... Isn't she?

I can't believe she's SO DEPENDENT on SS that she can't let him have a functioning relationship with his dad or allow him to have his time... LIke seriously, daycare and the staring hours? What is she even getting out of that???

Good on your DH for not putting him in daycare. I'd also suggest you follow the CO to a T when it comes to her just getting her two consecutive weeks and nothing more. I think she's proven she doesn't play nice, so why be flexible when you have a perfectly Court ordered reason not to.

Solidshadow7's picture

It's not easy. We honestly have no idea what to do with him if we can't use a daycare to spare him his mother's antics.
We are allowing her to split the two weeks for two reasons.

1) We can't make the Friday night exchange time listed in the CO, and she is allowing flexibility dependent on schedule. Actually, she made us trade her a weekend for flexibility dependent on schedule. But we really don't want her to change her mind and go back to the time listed on the CO because it makes our lives completely impossible.

2) There is some evidence that skids with mostly absent BM's are more easily manipulated by them. When a parent disappears, the child tends to blame themselves for the disappearance, and if that parent than reappears the child will do more than usual to please that parent because they are afraid of being abandoned again. I actually know someone whose grandparents had custody and whose mother only had supervised visitation her whole life. At age 16 she was allowed to spend a few weekends with mom. This girl was thoroughly PAS'ed in a matter of 2 months, 16 days is all it took. I do not want to risk SS being more easily manipulable by her because she disappears for 2 months straight in the summer and he takes it as abandonment.

I love dogs's picture

I'm waiting for you to say that you're kidding and that you're just yanking all of our chains! This is extreme alienation and dependent, manipulative behavior. Why would he cry for 3 days for mom if something wasn't wrong? How many abusive texts and emails have you saved? Dad needs custody asap! Wth my stomach was turning reading all of the crap BM is putting her poor child through! Does she get sympathy on Facebook? What a pathetic, infectious piece of human waste.

Solidshadow7's picture

I really wish I was joking. The sad truth of the matter is that real life is much stranger than fiction. Take a look at my other blogs if you get some time, this entire saga is completely insane from start to present day.

He cried for three days straight because I suspect BM spent the week prior to summer explaining to him that he was never going to see her again, like if she had died and then another week a month later (when he'd forgotten what shed said the last time) telling him the same nonsense plus that his dad was taking him away.

DH has been in frequent contact with attorney but emotional abuse is very hard to prove. The missed school doesn't mean anything because its not compulsatory yet, and the few days she withheld SS are ambiguous per the CO and not enough to guarantee a contempt charge. The text messages (dozens) are pretty insane by their tone and wording, but she's not actually calling DH names or insulting him directly so they're very hard to use to prove anything other than that she's demanding/controlling, not enough for a change of custody.

Of course she gets sympathy on facebook. She's got tirades about her abusive psychotic ex torturing her child and controlling her going back well over a year. Shes basically established a thorough and believable history based on lies spread out over a long period of time.

Tiger7's picture

just wow

Exjuliemccoy's picture

It's nice to see you back.

The title of your post made me giggle. Not appropriate, I know, but having also dealt with a mentally ill BM, I get it. 

Never, ever, deviate from the CO. You just can't offer reasonable accommodation to these mentally ill women. 

Your DH should invest in devices for recording and documenting convos with both his son and BM, and also have nanny cams in your home. He needs to mine as much useful data as possible before she wises up and realizes she needs to hide her crazy. Create and keep adding to a timeline of violations and alienating behaviors. You'll need it for future court proceedings, because with women like this, there's always​​​​​​ court proceedings.

Stay strong, and pace yourself.

I love dogs's picture

I was thinking about recording the phone convos, too. That poor boy.

Solidshadow7's picture

Oh I'm always lurking. Honestly BM took a few months off after we helped her out with something. I don't think she's actually evil, I think she has a pretty gnarly case of borderline personality disorder and falls off an emotional cliff every time her existence as the center of SS's universe is threatened.

momjeans's picture

Oh my goodness, I remember your blog posts regarding phone calls with BM. 

How loony of her to vomit such personal information and thoughts on Facebook. 

I agree, find a means to record the phone calls and stick to the CO. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

The calls may not be admissible, but depending on the state, transcripts of the calls may be allowed.

Thumper's picture

Coming in late to this thread. 

Good LORD this brings back awful flash backs. 

Do NOT deviate from this or any court order. Dont ask for changes and by gosh do not give changes. It is unfortunate when a parent turns an order into shambles.

I hate you are dealing with this. The poor child must be a nervous mess.

Way way back when, when ncp had the child for more than so many days CP had to give back cs money.  Many ncp hardly saw their little kids becaue YOU know cp didnt want to hand money to the NCP.

It is awful trying to work out schedules with someone like your BM. Honestly you can not unless you get back into court tighten UP the order. OR tell cp to pound sand. She can Keep the child all summer and dad will do eow all year round. CS may go up. I HATE THIS FOR YOUR HUSBAND and you. He just wants to see his little boy who really REALLY needs his daddy.

Your ss is so young...why are some moms so mean and ugly.

Solidshadow7's picture

She's not really CP. We have 45% of the overnights. We don't currently owe CS. Unfortunately the schedule is designed somewhat like if she is the CP which does give her the ability to play gatekeeper and she's impossible.

And we refuse to give up any time because we know that whenever SS is not with us, chances are she's abusing him.

Maxwell09's picture

Ignore the whore....send her the custody order, send her the non-negotIable dates for summer such as a calendar with her previous year’s choice blocked off, limit communication to email only except for calling the kid, call the kid at the same time every week and send BM a preliminary email stating you will be calling at this time so have the kid available. Record, keep track of EVERYTHING! And do not engage in dramatics. 

 

I know now this all seems so dramatic but it truly worked for us. At first, she ramped up the crazy trying to fight the new boundaries DH was putting up but he consistently ignored those angry text no matter how nasty she was being, an emails that had nothing to do with Skid, and would hang up anytime she hijacked the call to skid. After five years of the same boundaries, the same results when she tries to cause a stink she has accepted this new normal and we barely hear from her. She has her predicatable outbursts around holidays, special days (beg/end of summer) but we don’t engage and her fire burns out. She starts going around talking about how terrible we co-parent when really we just don’t feed into her unnecessary drama (she’s a narcissist so high conflict feeds her little black soul). I suggest your DH create some non-negotiable boundaries and stick to them like cement. 

Siemprematahari's picture

This poor child is going to need some serious therapy with all the drama that's going on. From what you have stated his mother seems to be very manipulative and it only makes me wonder what the future holds for you all the older he gets. She's not stable and may have some mental illness. Can he file for full custody? I'd be scared for the childs well-being.

I hope his mother seeks therapy to help ease her melt downs and ease whatever anxiety she may be experiencing. As far as her threatening text messages I wouldn't entertain those and if your H doesn't want to place him Pre-k, that's ok. Don't allow someone to dictate what goes on in your home especially if its not harmful. I pray her meltdowns come to an end soon. This is not healthy for anyone.

Out of curiousity how was she when your H was involved with her? Were there red flags that she had a screw missing???

Solidshadow7's picture

My DH and I took a break a few years back when we were dating. We were still loosely together, but were both seeing other people and honest about everything. SS is the result of intentional birth control sabotage on her part (DH found the wrapper of every condom in the box had been split with a razorblade after one broke, and she was supposedly on the pill as well.) This was done in her efforts to prevent DH from leaving her and going back to me which was a 99% probability at the time. And it worked. Atleast for a few years until she decided she made a mistake and left him for someone she met on a dom site who was willing to beat her during sex after DH refused.

So yes, it was pretty obvious she had a screw loose. Well a loose screw is putting it lightly, in her case I believe all the screws were crossthreaded and had broken off. But it was too late to do anything by then.