You are here


Focusonthepos's picture

Is it rude for my stepdaughter to be talking to her dad while I'm also in the room and then run upstairs and say "goodnight dad" without saying anything to me?

Or is it just a teenage oversight?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I'm sure SD knows how you feel about her, and while her actions are rude, they are understandable. Your DH should make sure that she is polite to you. What does he think about her behavor?

Elea's picture

Rude but understandable, crappy, teen behavior ... What is astounding to me is how a lot of Dad's are passive and play dumb about their kid's sh*t behavior. Open your eyes dude and tell your kid to knock it off and have some manners.

As step-moms not only do we have to set boundaries with these kids we also have to insist their parent parent. It leads to SM burn-out fast. Been there done that. It's a dance between disengagement but staying engaged enough to enforce the reasonable expectation that we are not the family doormat.

In our case BM actively worked to sabotage our relationship with SD's so it isn't shocking they had the pea-brained idea that it's ok to be rude lilke BM.

Harry's picture

She knows it's Rude. It's a a power thing. She wants the power to control the home. She was rude and her father did nothing. He didn't call her out on it. Make her say good night to you. He did not have yout back. 
Hate to tell you but you have a major problem with DH.  I bet  if you walk in to the house and walked by SD with out saying Hello.  You will be the bad SM , the bad person 

Winterglow's picture

Of course it's rude and that was your cue to raise your head from what you were doing and yell, "Goodnight, SD! Love you!" after her and the go straight back to your occupation. If your husband objects, tell him that you're teaching by example and that maybe he should try it sometime. Then go back into ignore mode.

I can assure you that your reaction will have your SD gnashing her teeth. 

reedle2021's picture

LOL!  Yes!  This is called, "being the bigger a&&hole."  It was a little trick my dad taught me.  It works! 

NicoleRB's picture

It's rude and SD is doing it purposefully to get a rise out of you. Best thing you can do is ignore it and when she asks you a question because she has a "need" you should ignore her entirely & pretend you don't hear the question so she feels some pain. She should know that if you don't exist sometimes in het world  then you won't exist when she needs something from you or wants something she needs you to facilitate. My SD13 used to do this to me all the time and she actually doesn't even live w us anymore (almost 2 years she's been gone).  Hopefully it won't come to that but sad part is her being gone is so hurtful to my DH her BD but I know my life would be misrerable if she was in it the past 2 years wreaking havoc on our happy and making things annoying for my two BS who are easy and bring no drama.

SeeYouNever's picture


My SD would begin or end every sentence with dad so she made it clear she was talking only to him. If I tried to join a conversation I was completely ignored. It boggled my mind that my husband didn't even notice this until I pointed it out. As long as he's the center of attention he was happy. I learned I had to disengage from both my DH and SD sometimes.

ESMOD's picture

did you say goodnight to her?  it can be a two way street.. if you are disengaging.. I would not care right?

reedle2021's picture

100% rude and she knows it too.  She's being passive aggressive because she can.  Daddy needs to put a stop to this behavior or it will gradually progress to even worse behavior.  Sad


LevinaFia23's picture

My SS would only give his dad hugs and skip me alot of nights. Some nights he'd give me a hug but especially nights he was in trouble with me he wouldn't or just in general he wouldn't. I guess bc he's 9 idc. Also we have ds and he gives us both hugs. Bc I don't make a big deal about it he does it here and there like he's free to choose whichever but yes it is definite rude and he and she know what they're doing. It's one of those pick your battle things...idc to get hugs all the time so I jus don't say anything. But if it bothers you the suggestions above sound good lol. Just sharing it doesn't bother me bc I'd probably do the same if I were a step kid. I have step siblings also and they didn't warm up to my mom til they were older.

Someoneelse's picture

It's definitely rude, It's definitely not an oversight.... Skids are rude, teenagers are rude, and if you make a fuss over it, they win... so MY petty @$$ would say, "GOODNIIIIGHT" in the most egregiously sweet way ever. and NEVER say that it hurts your feelings when they don't respond. DH may end up getting his feelings hurt FOR you and MAY end upo saying something to the kid, but don't count on it. but just know that when you say goooooood niiiight, they hear it, but have to pretend that they don't, and that it gets under their skin, and they hate it, and YOU win. but don't EVER let it be known that you are irked when they don't tell you good night.

That is my petty way of dealing with it. and maybe that's why I HATE when SD tells me she loves me... because I know it's her petty way of making me say it back (otherwise I look like the bad guy).