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Should this bother me?

stepmom92's picture

My husband and I coparent great with his ex wife and her husband. She and her husband have a baby girl together. My husband loves to hold her and gives her kisses. What do you think of this? Should it make me feel jealous or bothered?


justmakingthebest's picture

I responded to you before when you posted the same question and my answer still stands... Also, don't worry about what "should" bother you. If something does, tell your spouse. You are supposed to be supportive partners and if he doesn't know that something is hurting you, he can't change his behavior. If you tell him and he doesn't change his behavior then you will know you where stand with him, even if you don't like the answer. Then and only then can you make decision on whether this is the right marriage for you.

My advice from last time:

Biological clocks are tricky things. Having a baby isn't for everyone- and that is OK! But that doesn't mean that your brain isn't releasing those hormones that make you long for a baby at times. Especially when you see your husband going all gooey over a baby.

To this day- and I am well past wanting more kids!- there is nothing sexier than a man taking care of a baby! I mean that makes my non-existent uterus skip a beat stuff right there! 

I would say to talk to your husband. Just tell him that it makes you have feelings that you haven't processed and if he could just throttle back a little on BM's other kid it would help make you feel a little better about where you guys are in life right now. 

Hime's picture

I'm sorry but I can't imagine my bf doing that to a kid that isn't his. Especially his EX kid? Oh no.!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

If you are this insecure in your life/marriage, you need to nail down the issue(s) as to why that is.

You remind me of how insecure I was when married to my then-husband who was a psychotic, gaslighting narcissist. He beat me down mentally for years to the point where I could not even pick out my own clothes without having a panic attack. 

I strongly advise you to get a therapist and delve into why you are unable to discern for yourself why you should or should not worry about what is happening in your life. Frankly, it sounds like you are NOT okay with the uber-close relationship with BM but are too afraid to speak up and say so. WHY IS THAT?

You will find that people will be able to give advice more suited to your situation if you come back and answer questions instead of posting the same scenarios and 'walking away'. 

stepmom92's picture

Would you be okay if your husband was all lovey on his ex wife's baby with her husband? 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Yes, because I am secure in my marriage. I watched DH cuddle and comfort Spawn when she was a toddler and got a boo-boo. FTR, Spawn is the child BioHo had with the last man with whom she cheated on my DH.

Some men love babies. Any and all babies. My DH is one of those men. So are my Dad and brothers. All of them coo and smile and talk to babies all of the time. And babies and children simply LOVE them.

Watereddown's picture

Betting a c note OP is not at all secure in her marriage.

My brother is like yours. Baby magnets! *biggrin*

Mominit's picture

My DH is a baby magnet too!  They all seem to just love him!  Hand him a crying child and s/he will be cooing and giggling at him in 5 min.  It's a gift.  BM has a child with her (now ex) second husband who adored my DH.  Didn't bother me one bit. 

Maybe he sees a bit of SK in the baby and it brings back fond memories of HIS children (not BM's children) when they were that age.  Maybe he just loves babies.  I wouldn't let this stress me.  I actually think it's funny that BM doesn't mind him interacting with the tot!  Most SM's and BM's are super territorial about infants and refuse to even let an ex lay eyes on the child!  The fact that these two have figured out that the child is just innocent kid of refreshing!

Stepdrama2020's picture

Obviously you are going through a rocky time. I feel for ya.

I think you should get  advice from a therapist. I say this gently and with empathy.

If you are in a fragile state some of the responses on here may hinder more than help because of where you are right now emotionaly. The ladies give great advice, but sometimes we arent ready to hear it. At least that was the case for me. Looking back getting it dang straight helped. BUT that isnt the case for all, hence my suggestion for a therapist.

Lady sending you blessings and peace.

Esperanza's picture

Op you already asked the same thing on another post :/

people commented and you didn't reply anything 

kind of confused 

bananaseedo's picture

Yes, this.  I'm trying to be kind and empathetic.  In another post I asked her why she didn't reply to any questions but yet expects us to keep responding to new posts that are extremely similar/the same thing.  We've all recommended therapy.

I"m starting to doubt the sincertiy- this is either a troll or someone with severe mental disabilities or emotional problems.  Why post if you're not wanting help?