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Check this out...only if your not in the mood to kill!

Everyones Interest's picture

Submitted by Everyones Interest on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 4:47pm

So, after I posted some links to another member about iVillage, I spent a little time on there perusing.

It so happens that 2 (count 'em 2) blogs have been posted about Steps and BM's overstepping their boundaries. You should check this shit out! It's unbelievable! And it'll make your blood pressure BOIL!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-prstepbiodb...

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-prstepbiodb...

What do you think??? It makes me want to sign up and freak out, but at the same time the first link's poster gets completely roasted for an innocent comment. AND she turns out to be a BM!!!

Comments

Gestalt's picture

Submitted by Gestalt on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 4:49pm

I wish the two sides weren't so hateful towards each other.

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

Everyones Interest's picture

Submitted by Everyones Interest on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 5:01pm

Me too!

SAMiam's picture

Submitted by SAMiam on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 9:25am

Actually, we're not.

We don't like noobs stomping in and telling us what's what. And a noob posting a thread that is clearly spoiling for a fight will get one.

We're also a pretty snarky lot. Our native tongue is sarcasm.

But if you actually knew context and personality of the board, you'd see that they two sides are generally NOT "hateful." I'm an uberBM and some of my besties over there are SMs. Some of my archenemies are the other BMs.

We don't tend to divide strictly along BM/SM lines. For one thing, so many of us are both. We tend to divide alone issue, personality, and who can get in the best zinger first.

And we ALL delight in the crazy when someone delivers it giftwrapped to our door.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 5:08pm

To me these particular BMs are the ones with the attitudes! Maybe they enjoy the snarky exchange? Thank God for ST! Smile
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

AllSmiles's picture

Submitted by AllSmiles on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 5:13pm

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

SAMiam's picture

Submitted by SAMiam on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 9:29am

It works for us. We've got both SMs and BMs there. Actually, the "pure BMs" are outnumbered when you add the BM/SM combos to the just SMs.

And yeah, we can get into some epic battles. But if you are a board regular and you post an issue that truly matters to you, chances are both sides will try to help you out. Now, if that means telling you you're flat out in the wrong instead of patting you on the head and handing you a cookie, we'll do it. And most of us will do it blind of any BM/SM affiliation.

It does give some perspective, btw. Quite often you'll see one side or the other have an "aha" moment and "get" where the other side is coming from and it will change their perception and how they deal with a situation.

SAMiam's picture

Submitted by SAMiam on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 4:52pm

I'll tell you here what I told you over there. To be a "traitor" I would have had to have given you some reason to expect any sort of "loyalty" from me. I did not. I've never been on ST before today. I took your posts over at MY stomping ground (and your subsequent cackling about them here) as an invitation. Smile Thank you for introducing me to such an interesting forum. I'm sure it will provide much entertainment when ivillage runs slow Smile

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 7:40pm

Gee, could this be why they're the EX-wives? I just can't imagine what made their husbands want a divorce. That just proves how bitter and bitchy BMs can be. And we have to deal with it!!!!

SAMiam's picture

Submitted by SAMiam on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 9:34am

Not all of us ARE ex-wives. Some of us are just skanks who accidentally got knocked up by your hubs, remember?

>>>I just can't imagine what made their husbands want a divorce.<<<

You know...this completely negates your "if you didn't want us raising your kids, you shouldn't have left your husband" rallying cry.

>>And we have to deal with it!!!!<<<

No, you really don't.

SAMiam's picture

Submitted by SAMiam on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 9:34am

Not all of us ARE ex-wives. Some of us are just skanks who accidentally got knocked up by your hubs, remember?

>>>I just can't imagine what made their husbands want a divorce.<<<

You know...this completely negates your "if you didn't want us raising your kids, you shouldn't have left your husband" rallying cry.

>>And we have to deal with it!!!!<<<

No, you really don't.

IheartSAM's picture

Submitted by IheartSAM on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 9:37am

<>

Ummmm OK. Or maybe we're EX-wives because your DHs suck and our standards have been raised. FYI sweetie it isn't always husbands that want rid of wives.

StepMadre's picture

Submitted by StepMadre on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 10:45pm

giving me a stroke. Biggrin Luckily, I read this before doing some Wii boxing.

This kind of stuff pisses me off so much. In all fairness, BM's have every right to vent their anger and frustrations the same as we do, but they actually go a step farther and make demands like this.

In my crazy BM's world, ideally I would live in a little closet and come out to spend time with the skids when she needed a babysitter or someone to do the things she doesn't want to do and then step back when the skids show me any affection or she starts feeling insecure that they love/like me as much as her. (actually, what she'd really like is for my DH to leave me in the dust and come back to her and tell her that he's divorcing me and that she's the woman of his dreams and that he wants her to be his wife as well as the mother of his children. Hahahahaha) She wants the skids to love her and have people think she's a great mother, but she's a crappy mother and wants someone to take over and do all the grunt work.

So, in reality, despite my frustrations with the skids, I am a damn good step-mother and I don't give a crap what she wants me to do or not do. She wants someone to babysit for her and not take any of the credit. Those poor kids would be sooo neglected in so many ways if it weren't for me and I am NOT A BABYSITTER, I am a step-mom. The last time I checked, no one is paying me to take care of the skids and if I have to live with them part-time or full-time, I am damn well going to be a parent to them, not some random babysitter. I don't come over once a week, make them macoroni and cheese, watch Blue's Clues and leave, I am helping to RAISE her children and it makes me sick that BM's (and society to some extent) want us to have some bizarrely limited role, when we are making huge sacrifices financially, emotionally, physically and romantically to allow these children in our lives.

Soooo, after putting large amounts of emotional and financial resources into the skids, I am naturally a parent figure to them. That means that my H and I equally share the disciplining and are equal authority figures to the skids. We discuss the rules with each other and both have to completely agree before we put a rule into effect and it has worked fantastically. That is one area where we have had no problems. My H backs me to the hilt and I him. The skids briefly said things like, "you're not my mom!" and tested me to see if they could get away with disobeying me and immediately found out that it didn't work. Now the don't even question my role and they actually seem to find comfort in me being a parent to them. I go to parent teacher conferences, school plays, sports games etc... and when they are with us, they have to follow our house rules and obey me. The skids have no problem with this and are actually a lot happier and cheerful when they are with us than with Psycho (who is the most insecure parent in the world and has NO rules). They tell me they love me at least once a day and I get plenty of hugs and affection from them.

My point is that Step-parents are NOT babysitters, we are parents too. We don't think that we gave birth and usually wouldn't want to be bio-parents to our skids. We are under no illusions about our roles as step-parents and if BM's and BD's are feeling threatened and insecure then maybe they should focus more on being not-crappy parents and pay attention to taking care of their own kids rather than pointing the finger and attacking us for doing what we signed up to do by marrying our husbands (or wives).

Thank God for this site!

"A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth. That’s where toughness comes into play. Toughness isn’t being a bully, it’s having a backbone.” ~Robert Kiyosaki

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 9:21am

maybe I should go sprinkle some fairy dust over there......LOL...j/k.....I have been there before and its just not the place for me....I got to thinking tho...ya know there are alot of different levels of BMs and lots of different levels of SMs. In my case, I had a BM who didn't want to take care of her motherly responsibilities and is one of the worst people on the planet, imo. But....there are lots of really good BMs out there.......and prolly lottsa lousy SM's (I know, I had one). So I think every family situation is different. I just know if I had a great BM I would respect her position in my family....but since I don't, I AM the Mom and as far as I'm concerned,,,,if yur doing the mothering in yur situation, you are the Mom, whether u are a BM or a SM.

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Sat, 09/12/2009 - 1:26pm

guess the only thing u got out of my post was the fairy dust thing, huh?.....I'm no witch....LOL...well...maybe Glinda :)....guess u didn't grasp the part that said I RESPECT a good BM....its just a shame the BM in my case was more interested in drugs, alcohol and a new d*ck every week to take care of her kids....and um...yur 100% right...it ISthe personality and the character of a person not which letter is in from of her mother title Wink oops....sorry...hope a little glitter didn't get on u.....

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"