The name "Mom"

I was wondering, does anyone’s skids call them mom? When I became pregnant with my first child, my skids asked what the new baby would call me. I explain that I am the new baby’s mom and that is what he would call me. My SD asked if it would be okay for her to call me mom. She had already started calling me mom on occasions and I wasn’t quite sure what or how to feel about it. BM mom freaked, which didn’t surprise me one bit and to this day has never dropped the issue. My skids started call me mom full time a month or so after we had my son in 2006, and BM recently brought up the skids calling me “mom”. We have asked the skids to address me by my first name when their BM is around, but that doesn’t normally happen and BM flips out. To me it’s just a name; I don’t care if they called me by my first name or if they called me mom. My skips know their BM doesn’t like them calling me mom, she has made them very aware of that, but my skids position on the matter is I am mom at daddy’s house, which makes me feel great. But I'm really tired of BM always making the "mom" name such a huge deal. I was curious about other people’s experiences.

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Putting my BM hat on. I

Putting my BM hat on. I would absolutely HATE IT if my son called ANY woman mom other than me. I gave birth to him, I take 100% care of him, sit with him til 2am if he's sick, miss work for various child related things, clothe him, feed him, nurture him...I am and will always be his only mother and I better not hear him call ANY other woman Mom unless I choose to stop doing my motherly duties and another woman is picking up my slack...at that point I deserve to have my heart broken by hearing him call someone else mom.

With MY situation stated...EVERY situation calls for different reactions to the "mom" title issue. To each his own so I can't tell anyone else what is right or wrong as far as titles are concerned, I can only say how I feel personally about my own kid.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

I have to agree with B on

I have to agree with B on this one, for all of the same reasons listed above. I wouldn't feel comfortable with Bf's kids calling me that either, It would make me uneasy b/c I know it would hurt their mom. They just call me Ms.Middlemom, which works for all of us.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

Parking my big fat ditto

Parking my big fat ditto right behind Barbie!! LOL... No way would I have EVER been ok with perfectson calling anyone else 'mom' except me.

I also dearly dearly dearly love my skids, think their BM is a piece of sh!t and worthless as a mom, in all actuality she still is their real mom and she gets the title. I am just firstname. However when SDs introduce me to their friends they say "this is my super cool step-mom"! I love that!

I agree with you ladies, I

I agree with you ladies, I do not believe my son calls his sm mom. I know she would prefer he did but he and I had a conversation about it (he asked my feelings on the topic). I told him very plainly "I carried you for 9 months, hoping in every moment for every future moment as your mom, I gave birth to you. I raised you. You are the accomplishment I am most proud of in the world, the most perfect thing I have ever done. I refuse to share that. I have no problem at all if you and sm find a different affectionate name- but MOM is mine"

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

I also just wanted add to my

I also just wanted add to my previous post, I was raised by my dad and stepmother, and called my step mother mom. As an adult I found out that that did really hurt my mom's feelings. I think if mom and kid are both ok with it- then go for it. If not, then why push it...

I agree. BM told SD that she

I agree. BM told SD that she could call me mom, it was fine with her. I prefer she doesn't, I don't want her to throw that in my face later.

I would be extremely

I would be extremely uncomfortable if step-demon started calling me Mom. Like you said BBB, I know everyone's situation is different, so I'm only speaking for myself and my situation (If UberSkank ever heard step-demon refer to me as mom, she would probably take a contract out on me!).

DH and I took step-demon with us to visit my family in another state. My little sister (also a SM) asked step-demon to bring her "Mom" a cup of coffee. Step-demon looked completely confused.

I said "Sorry step-demon, she means me."
Then to my sister "Sis....step-demon doesn't call me Mom. She calls me by my first name."
Sis says "That's wrong and she shouldn't do that."
Me "Sis...I appreciate your opinion but this is my family. Step-demon calls me Shaman29 only. Not Mom. Please respect her feelings."

My sister continued to argue the point until I said (yelled) "ENOUGH ALREADY! This is not up for debate! Who are you to set the rules for my household? Respect our wishes please or we will not come back here."

But again.....this is the same sister that still refuses to acknowledge that I kept my maiden name when I got married and still addresses mail and packages to me as MRS. DH's first and last name.

My sister is a nit-wit.

Side note - my DH calls my parents Mom and Dad (they invited him to call them that). After two years I still don't really like it when he calls my parents Mom and Dad. Am I stupid or what??

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine

It can get confusing,

It can get confusing, especially for small children. I remember my SD had asked FH if I would be her new mom since we were together. Of course the answer was no. Skids call me by a nickname, and BS calls FH by his first name.
How about what minniemom suggested, like MomR or something?

My husband and I have been

My husband and I have been married for 7 years now. But when we started dating his daughter was 11 at the time. She asked me when her father and I got engaged if she could call me Mom? She had lost her mother when she was 7. I told her it was fine with me. But my 2 childeren were 10 & 12 at the time. Thier dad was still in thier lives. And they have always called my husband by his name. And when they introduce him, they always say this is my step-dad. Although thier natural dad did not appeciate it at all!!!

I guess it depends on the

I guess it depends on the situation. Personally, my younger SD calls me mom sometimes. I think it would make things worse -- more awkward and more of a big deal out of nothing -- if I tried to make her stop.

I don't know how her mom feels about this, and I don't really care. In her case, she is a sh*tty mother to her kid, and I don't think YSD would call me mom if her own mom was doing a good job of parenting her.

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

I do not agree with step

I do not agree with step kids calling anyone "mom" besides the BM. I am a BM and I wouldn't want my kids calling anyone else "mom" besides me. I also think it might hurt my bio kid's feelings if the skids called me "mom". It's a very sensitive issue. I also consider the fact that if there is ANOTHER divorce, the skids would be losing their new "mom" and us step moms do not have any rights to the skids after divorce. We're just..........gone. I couldn't imagine doing that to any child. I also think there's exceptions to this rule, though. Childrens' ages - if they're very young, and if the BM is not real present in their lives. I know us SMs have the role of mom in our homes, but we will never have the rights or authority of a true "mom".

Just my opinion, of course!!!

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

I don't want my SKIDS

I don't want my SKIDS calling me "Mom" I prefer my first name. I am not their mom and don't want to be their mom, as much as I hate their BM and as psychotic as our BM is! And I love my SKIDS very deeply. The title of MOM belongs solely to my Bkids.

If such an event happened - that I had to step up to the plate and be their mom, I would most likely reconsider.

But get this - When BM questioned DH on "HER" kids calling me mom right after we got married - my DH gave her the exact reason as to they are not to call me mom but by my first name and my reasons behind it she flipped out on him - saying I don't think "THEIR" kids are good enough to call me mom. Go Figure

Oh no BM is one of those

Oh no BM is one of those people that your damned if you do damned if you don't. DH could of said yes the kids call her mom and all hell would of broke loose.

My kids at first since they are both a little older would say to my skids go ask Libby if you can have a snack, or whatever it may be. and I had to explain to them I am your mom and you will always address me as such no matter who you are talking to! Now its go ask my mom. Think they were confused to

Personally I would love to call the BM by her first name, but to be honest I have only ever actually said the name once, I have a pet name for her and her mootch (I mean husband). So I am scared the name would slip out as it does all the time with their stepfather, and I dont think its healthy for the kids to hear, they will see the name rings true later in life.

I had to teach my SS not to

I had to teach my SS not to call me mom (he`s only 2 and a half, so for him, his mom was mom and I was mom too, as we were playing the same part) DH and I found a nickname he could call me...but then he started calling me mom then nickname...which I did not like, as althought I care for my SS, he has a mom, and as useless as I think she is, she is still his mom...but after much rephrasing he now calls me a nickname, and his BM is mom, which to me is better...Althought I am not BMs biggest fan , she deserves the title mom, as she is mom...I would never call another woman mom aside from my OWN mom (especially not my MIL) so...I have a nickname, and mom is mom, and I prefer it that way...out of respect, you know?

My SD has only called me one

My SD has only called me one thing since the day I met her...

bitch.
She was 15 at the time, living with her mother. She is going on 20 now and nothing has changed.

My skids call me by my first

My skids call me by my first name however when talking about me they say "my other mom". My bios call FH by a nickname 50% of the time and Daddy 50% of the time. Their Dad is very much in their lives but has always been an arms length sort of relationship whereas FH is very nurturing in a male role. When my mother spoke to BS7 about his Dad one day getting remarried my son said emphatically that no one will ever be Mom but me but that he loves FH the same as his biodad. I think sometimes it depends on the attachment they have.

SS has a nickname for me...

he couldn't say my name when he was 1 (when DH and I started dating) it came out this off the wall word, that doesn't even sound close to my name... but it stuck. He is 6 now, and still calls me that. He is the only one that calls me that... and I love it. We asked him recenetly (after the wedding) what he wanted to call me since he is getting older and it is kind of baby talk (the nickname). He replied "nickname, she is MY nickname". So there it is... on occassion he slips up and calls me mom... I just let it go. The girls call DH dad when they want something... but for the most part they call him by his first name.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )

Before DH & I got married,

Before DH & I got married, SD15 & SD12 (who were 3 & 6 at the time) called me by my first name. Then when DH & I got married, they just started calling me mom on their own. At first BM had a problem with it (which I totally understand), but over the years, I have even heard her refer to me as their mom when they are at our house. And different times I have heard BM make the statement to Skids, that they now have 2 moms and 2 dads who love them very much. Sometimes SD12 even refers to me as the cool mom and BM as the strict mom. LOL! I guess it all depends on the situation.

I wouldnt' feel comfortable

I wouldnt' feel comfortable with my skids calling me mom. THey asked one day too but my dh said you call her by her first name and i agreed.
I wonder though how they feel because when my son calls me mom i can see sadness....like they would like to call me that but cannot.

Well, my husband is a

Well, my husband is a stepfather to my 2 daughters, but he says there's no such thing as steplove. So he considers himself a father to them, even though the younger one lives with her bio-dad. Both my girls call hubby by his first name.

Hubby's 6 y.o. son calls me by my first name...or sometimes he'll call me mommy. I don't correct him. He can call me either. When he started calling his own father by his first name, I DID stop that and told him "That is your DADDY, and you will call him DADDY--not by his first name. That's disrespectful."

He calls my mother, Grandma, his mother's mother, Nana & his father's mother, Oma, so he doesn't get confused by any of that!

~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~

I told SD to call me by my

I told SD to call me by my first name but sometimes she does call me mom. It is fine, either way I guess.

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