I am leaving my DH. I have a custody agreement written out, that I hope he will agree to out of court. I think he will, only because neither of us has the money to go to court, but I am not sure. I just don't know when to tell him, or when to leave. Our one year is in less then a week, and we have plans to go out of town. I feel heartless to tell him now, and cancel those plans, but feel like a bitch to let him think we are OK through that. Then, Christmas is right around the corner, but then SD14's b-day is not too long after that. I mean, if I stay for our anniversary and X-mas, will I just keep finding reasons? That is my fear. Do I tell him before anniversary, and let him decide what to do for anniversary. Do I go through will the plans, and tell him soon there after, and let him decide about x-mas? Do I leave now? Do I just not tell him anything and wait these two events out? Then will SD be crushed because of her B-day? Do I then wait that out? I don't know, I am torn, and none of these questions are easy to answer for me.

I think DH knows something is up. He is being "different". In a good way, but just not him. Not something that will last either. I have been down this road many times. I just can't be with someone who doesn't respect me enough to value my opinion. I don't know if I was even "in" love with him. I don't blame him entirely, the signs were there, before the weeding. Way before the wedding, and I chose to say I do anyway. I feel that makes me just as much at blame, though I have tried everything to fix this. He just doesn't get it, or doesn't care.

We were arguing again about SD17 and her BF, when he said to me "I don't know what to do, I really want them to work out". I am really glad that your 17 year old daughters relationship is more important then your marriage! I shut down at that point, and we haven't talked about it since. In fact, we haven't spoken much at all. His 17 year old will always be god to him. He will always kiss her ass. I just can't take it. I feel marriage should be more then this. I want to be partners. I want to feel appreciated. I want to feel respected. I want to feel my feeling, thoughts, and opinions MATTER. I don't think that is to much to ask, and I know he can't give it to me. He says he can, but he lets me down, time and time again.

I am sick of hearing it is HER (SD17) as well. (from friends and family) It isn't her. It is him. He will not set boundaries. He will not set rules. He will not discipline. He does what she says, when she says. Which affects me and my son. It also affects SD14, who I feel the worst for and saddest about. Yes, I feel for my son, but I will make sure he is taken care of. SD14 on the other hand. I will miss greatly, as she will me. (I think anyway, who knows what a teenage girl is thinking) She will now have a lot to deal with on her own. Truth be told, as much as she hates BM, she may go live with her when I leave, which will not be beneficial for her AT ALL. It all saddens me.

I feel lost right now.