I think that all of us have felt this way at one time or another. My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how you feel. I too am hundreds of miles away from my family and friends and feel so isolated and alone sometimes. What type of behavior have you had to endure at the hands of his kids?

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Me. I'm thinking just like you. Not married, but together for two years, lived together, not living together now.

My BF is an amazing person, the best man I know, and I love him, but I don't think I can make it ten years with SD and her mom and all the stuff that entails...I don't want to always struggle emotionally and financially because of them.

It's killing me. I feel for you FedUp...

Very few blogs get me responding these days, Fed....but I feel like I can really identify with you....we have skids FT with no BM in sight as well...and I KNOW how u feel....I KNOW how much work it is....I KNOW what its like to never get a day off....I have been thru hell and back with these kids,,I think the abandonment by BM had alot to do with it..,,but what I CAN tell u is....NOW I am reaping the reward of my hard work...they have truly turned around and become awesome people that I just adore...I have on many occasions in the past thought "I just can't do this" "nor do I WANT to do this anymore"...but something kept me there...my love for DH never waivered once,,,but luckily he is not a guilty Daddy and backs me up 100%...I wish I could promise u that it will get better, but I don't know that it will...in any event...should u decide that enough is enough for u,,,I for one would understand, its a sucky life at times,,,some situtions work out and some don't...if I can ever be of any help, or even a shoulder to lean on, I am here for u....

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

Well Fedup, I have been feeling the same way the last couple of days. I even told my mom that if one day I dont come home and the cops are looking for me not to worry because I just ran away. I have never seen such needy children. From the day they came they just want and need and it never ends. Lice, boils, colds, sore throats, attitudes, money, and the list goes on of the perils of my life since these kids came into my life. Their dad is pretty good. He backs me and lets me do what I need to do but the question in my mind just keeps looming "can I spend the rest of my life this way?" I totally understand what you are going through, too bad I can offer any advice. I love my husband but never having kids and being thrown in full time with these two teens is just more than I think I can handle.

Holy smokes.....I could have written this! I too have been married for only a few years, and am living in an area where I have NO family. My children live with me, but thier father, my parents, siblings, etc all live several hours away. This causes an incredible amount of stress for me and my children as we all miss our other family VERY much. Because of the SK's we cannot leave, but I am left feeling like I am shorting my kids in favor of the SK's. I love my husband very much and think he is a great person, I like you just do not think I can withstand it anymore. I often feel like because of all the issues and circumstances surrounding this, that in the end I am forced to choose between my DH and my BK's. I understand exactly what you are feeling. I wish the answer were easier to see, accept, and follow. Unfortunately, all I can do is offer you the feeling that there is someone else out there with the very same feeling....we are NOT alone in this.

I think it just isn't easy for you because you are homesick as well. Have you spoken to DH about how you feel?
Its always difficult, especially around this time of year.
(((HUGS)))

Are you sure leaving is the best thing? or do you want to do this because it is a quick fix for you? You actions may be irriverable. Have you had a heart to heart with your husband. Divorce should be the last thing on the list. WHy let a child ruin your marriage? beleive me if this child is not corrected, they won't stop at you, they will do it to every partner he could have. You said your marriage vows to your husband and he to you...no one married the children. One day they will grow up and leave the nest and have lives of their own. These children need to learn that life in it's entirity does not revolve around them and that yes..parents do have lives outside their children and that yes..parents should have their own special and quiet moments and thet YES parents doe have lives of their own outside their children. You and your husband have to join alliance with this concept and let the children know that they are no longer running this marriage...your the parents they are the children, you lay the rules down, they follow. SImple as that..nothing more nothing less.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

What about going home for a nice long visit? Maybe detaching a little more from the kids? More date nights to focus more on your marriage? Outside interests? Therapy?

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

I have sometimes asked myself this too! My SS10 is largely a good kid- with us half the time, he is smart, engaging, interesting, etc. He also thinks he is another adult in the household but has no responsibilities. And often when it is the 50% of the time he's with us, I seem to fade into the wallpaper. I often feel like I brace myself after my partner and I (we're not married; he wants to get married, I want him and a life with him, but proceeding with caution) have a had a day or two alone, for SS to arrive b/c I know that it usually means I won't get affection, focused attention, etc. I hate that feeling of bracing myself. Or maybe it's numbing myself. I hate it no matter what.
That's why last week in therapy, when I got to ask my partner for one small thing- my small thing was this attention and noticing, at least once a day, when his son is with us, in front of his son. It has helped wonders! I get many of these small things a day. It feels so good for him to give me quick check-ins, hugs, just his focused attention for as little as a few seconds. And for some reason it feels better in front of his son- I think b/c it shows me that I am his partner (not his son, as it often feels like), that I am important, etc.
Good luck! I recommend therapy, finding ways to be kind to yourself each day, and perhaps a long visit somewhere familiar.