I am SEETHING with ANGER....
I know most of you post to get some responses and different view points from people but this is not one of those posts. I truly just need to vent because my anger is so great right now that anythign that would be said won't even be heard so please bear with me and accept my apology ahead of time but I truly am at the point that I fucking HATE my SD AND the way her mom treats her above all of the other kids. I swear to you if Jesus came down from the cross and wanted to save my wife and her entire family from damnation she would put him on hold if this child needed a spoon to eat. My contempt for the skid is about 40% her fault and 60% my wifes fault. I come home from a long days work and I find my two boys running around the house NAKED (both 3 years old), find my 5 year old cutting paper and where is MOM...blowing out SDs hair...are you fucking kidding me? Where the fuck are your priorities? One kid with scissors, two naked...hmmm think i'll dry your hair for you since you obviously are the one in most need. Of course when I ask whats going on I get the look of death from both of them. SD acts like she's going to cry and says "mommy..he's being mean again." and that just sets me off...of course when DW says to me "Why are you being mean you just walked in?" Well now i'm REAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLY fuckin pissed! I don't know about you guys but i've made something clear from day one and that was if you agree or don't agree with something i'm saying, never cut my legs out from underneath me in front of the children. Talk to me afterwards in private and let me know what you're thinking but if you do it in front of them it not only undermines me, but makes it look as if they know how to manipulate a situation. Well I was SO angry I literally had to take a deep breath and figure out how I was not going to kill my DW, get my kids dressed, hide the scissors and wait for everyone to go to sleep before I laid into my her. And do you know what she had the fucking nerve to say..."You always do this before she goes to her dads" I do what? "You make her uncomfortable and now shes not happy in both houses!" AND THATS MY FUCKING FAULT??? Oh I make her unhappy, I'm the one who is badgering her to lie to the court to change visitation, I'm the one who is physically and mentally abusing her, I'm the one who makes her scared to even blink the wrong way...NO...Because you and her fucked up father have messed up this girl so badly that at 11 she doesn't even know what reality is...THATS the fucking problem! And you know what, I was clear. As long as her issues didn't affect this family, I would stay clear HOWEVER, if at any point they did interfere, then it is my duty as a parent to make sure I meet this problem head on...AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WILL DO!!!! So I've laid it out to DW, I'm sick of of the fact that you will see your way clear to do for her even at the expense of the other children. I'm sick of the fact that you see NOTHING wrong with the way she is. I'm sick of the fact that you do not want to take advice about how improperly you are addressing the situation. And I'm very fucking sick of the fact that you allow a child to dictate your life to you. I want no part of this and if you think so little of our marriage or yourself that you will allow this, then I have no choice but to look out for MY and MY childrens best interest! Someone fucking has to!...her respose..."You just hate her!" Yeah that's it...do what you do best...point fingers and assign blame to everyone else...but yourself!
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Gosh, I'll need to go back
Gosh, I'll need to go back and read some more of your posts, I guess because this sounds really harsh. I know you are just venting and that's OK, we all get that mad from time to time. But it's hard to get a sense from this post of what the history is and what's been going on that brought you to this point because of this incident. Off to investigate!
OK, just read some of your
OK, just read some of your previous blogs and WOW! SD is a problem. But your wife needs to either parent or get out of the way. I'm not really sure what to say because you are in a tough situation with the two of them and your 4 other children but if you ever have specific questions about how to proceed, I'm here to talk. I have a 10 (nearly 11) year old SD a BD who is 5 and a very guilty daddy/husband.
Wow. You don't need to
Wow.
You don't need to apologize. Your DW needs to teach SD how to blow-dry her own hair, or at least wait until she's taken care of the younger kids.
This is a tough situation for everyone involved. It's tough for you, because your DW is not supporting you. It's tough on your DW, because she knows her child is being abused and, in her mind, she is helping her by acting like this. It's tough on SD, because she is the victim of some horrendous abuse at the hands of her father. It's tough on your kids, because your DW is completely ignoring them while trying to take care of SD.
I think that this is a situation where a phenomenal therapist is needed- preferably, one who specializes in both family and individual counseling, so you can get counseling as a family and get yourself, DW, SD and your kids each individual counseling.
FUS, Vent away. That is
FUS,
Vent away. That is what most of us Stalkers are here for. I can understand your rage on this situation. I insisted from day one that if my Wife and I were going to marry and make a life together that I would be an equity parent for my SS. He lives with us and visits SpermDad and we go through the pre visitation drama and the post visitation Detox period. Not what you are having to deal with but I can understand your frustrations.
I hope your Spouse gains clarity on this issue soon and realizes that she is more the problem than SD-11. SD-11 is only acting in line with the training your wife is providing and if your wife does not fix this soon the SD will be an intolerable teen and adult.
IMHO of course.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Thanks Rags...btw that is
Thanks Rags...btw that is exactly what I go through with SD when she goes to visit BD..EXACTLY!!!
Wow. Just.... wow. BB You
Wow.
Just.... wow.
BB
You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved
My father dealt with a kid
My father dealt with a kid like that before a warden of the state my mother treated like God and much better that she did any of her kids including me! This is what he did and it worked for good while. He withdrew completely from the kid. He no longer said anything about the kid or had anything to do with him! Let my mom handle all discipline and all other aspects of raising a kid when it came to said boy. She finally saw what was really going on and asked my dad for his help in rearing the kid. Then it was all my dads fault again. I would definitely bitch her out about the other children not getting taken care of but totally check out when it comes to helping with princess SD. I would also say that should either has to take care of all the kids or get a nice paying job to pay someone to take care of all the kids until you come home. I hope she turns around her attitude but, I know my mom never did except for those few weeks my dad stayed out of the life of the boy. If she doesn't change, leave and find a women who will take care of your kids the ways they deserve and you. Old habits are hard to change especially with stubborn women, who don't realize what their actions are causing in others. Soon enough those children will be old enough to realize the difference in the way their mother treats them and the way she treats princess SD and it will hurt them emotionally and live mental scars. They may even grow to think that something is wrong with themselves or that they did something that caused her to not them as much because difference in treatment.
I would give her a chance to change but it doesn't get better boot them both! Kids safety and sake come First!
I lose my mind a little more each day!
Yeah! No apology needed!
Yeah! No apology needed! Vent away!!! We're all going through this stuff and support each other. Venting is great and will make you feel way better! You seriously have good reason to be angry, I would be pissed too.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
I went back and read some of
I went back and read some of your older posts. The impression I get is that your wife feels that she has to "protect" your SD from being treated differently by you, when in reality she's the one treating your SD differently by doing this (placing a higher priority on SD). SD has picked up that her Mother does this, plays on it, and now has this false illusion that you are "out to get her", especially since her own Mother thinks that.
Your wife is driving a wedge in your relationship with your SD...and until she realizes what she's doing and changes it, SD's attitude and behavior towards you will only get worse as she gets older.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
I agree with SA. You need to
I agree with SA.
You need to talk to a professional about your anger and what you can do to relieve your own stress.
Unless you are comfortable with your W announcing one day she doesn't want to be your W b/c of how you can't deal with her daughter.
I only say this b/c my H is leaving me now, b/c for the last 2 years I begged him to do something about his dysfunctional daugheter, and he is so angry at MY inability to handle living with her, at my need to disengage with her, and how his doing nothing to alleviate my stress caused me to disconnect with him....
He decided his married coworker is his new best friend and partner in life.
So please...before you don't have a choice, call a counselor and get some help with what you can control, or perhaps to help you decide if you want to live with this stress any longer or get out yourself.
You won't change your W or SD. Trust me, I have been there and tried that.
And the anger isn't healthy for you to carry.
Hugs,
Sita
I had a precancerous GYN
I had a precancerous GYN lesion that should have taken YEARS to grow. It was not visible to the Dr on my yearly check the last time and had grown to over 2 CMs by the next yearly ck. It was precancerous stage 3, meaning the one before it converts to cancer, lymph node removal and potentially disfiguring GYN surgery. That was my wake up call. Unfortunately my H was already on his way to tossing me without me even knowing I already lost him.
I am going to be ok, and as soon as I am on my feet I'm sure I will be happy to be out of all that dysfunction and have my life back for myself and my children.
But my heart is still broken none the less, especially at how my H did this- how he violated me, AND did it while I was fearing my path report and having painful complications.
He says "I was there for you anyway." BULLSHIT. He was put out by my fears of dying and was testing me for months to see if I was going to step up to meet his "needs" without me knowing I was being tested.
I will never raise SKs again. I just can't ever trust that someone else's child won't do everything in their power to sabotage my relationship with their dad, OR that their dad won't put their child's needs above mine and I'm not second best. NEVER again. The marriage needs to be the priority so the kids can grow up to have their own healthy relationships. My SD is going to be severely F-d up even more than she was before, now that she not only knows the power she held in sabotaging us...but also that thanks to H's sharing all about how much she'll like the OW more than me, he has taught her that women, and marriages are disposable if things don't flow easily.
I am severely jaded as you can see.
So...I urge the poster to get their own counseling help and if the W goes FANTASTIC. But she sounds completely delusional about the situation.
Step thanks for your
Step thanks for your post...while I agree my ideas are somewhat different than my wifes regarding how to raise the kids, I think militant child raising is not the correct description, unless you believe holding a child accountable for their actions is. As far as anger issues i've fought the fair fight and given way for YEARS even when I knew it would end up as predictated....disastrous but truth be told my anger has only flared up due to this recent bout of events...and I think justifiably so. I mean how much can someone take before they wont inevitably push back? And yes I figured for once i'd like to see how my wife liked getting her legs cut out from underneath her and so I did what u've asked her not to do...AFTER YEARS OF HER DOING IT!...guess what...she didnt like it very much...as for the "kicking her ass sideways" comment, i'm not sure if you meant it metaphorically or if I actually physically assault my wife but for the record...I have nor will I ever hit a woman! Thats not what a "man" does in my book...metaphorically seems i've been on the receiving end of the ass kicking...if you ask me