I will never, ever love them.
Why can't my DH understand that???
He pools them into the same group as our baby and it makes me sick.
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Why can't my DH understand that???
He pools them into the same group as our baby and it makes me sick.
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After MANY, MANY, MANY
After MANY, MANY, MANY years, ONLY when I think about someone else not loving my kiddo, do I understand how hard it must be for my DH for me not to love his daughter...however, maybe if she was a sweet girl, maybe if she was a good girl, I could at least like her as much as I do my niece or something...never like the love of my own child...but her choices have made me not even like her...not sure they will ever understand...well, maybe once they are burned by them, as my DH has been numerous times by his daughter...I think he now gets how even HE has a hard time LIKING her, although he loves her...so he couldn't possibly expect me to love/like her when we are not truly related...
Can't do that...they are all
Can't do that...they are all his kids, but those aren't yours! Just my opinion of course...good luck!
When he pools them into the
When he pools them into the same group, is he acting as though you should do the same? or is he just expressing his equal feelings of all the children?
maybe he's just overcompensating and wanting his children to feel like they are equal to the baby?
((((blue))))
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
To him - they are all his
To him - they are all his children. To you, only the baby is yours. I understand completely as we have a 7 mo. old at home and I have a SS16. Both boys are always pooled by DH, whereas when I speak of children, I tend to speak just of baby. To me, I take comfort when he pools both boys, because for a while, I felt like baby might get treated like 2nd place, as I once did because of Guilty Daddy thing.
DH does not expect me to love SS like I love bio, he understands the difference, especially for women with the "bond" thing. I almost died during childbirth with our son - the only major thing I've gone through with SS is sitting in court for his felony drug charges while BM and her sister glared.
When you talk to him about it - how do you approach? How does he respond?
It always erupts into a big
It always erupts into a big argument - they're not nice people either... the oldest 2 have assault charges, the girl has prostitution charges, the youngest with her now has a band with "rape" in the name. They're scum-sucking, skank-a-potamusses.
I guess that's pretty much how I talk about them because I cannot contain my contempt for them and their mother - and it's not one-sided. I was nice to them in the beginning, sent cards & presents, etc. but they hate my guts and I've given up.
If he loves them all equally, from my perspective, that means he thinks of me and his ex the same way, on equal footing.
Blueberry's Baby
His love for his kids does
His love for his kids does not put you and his ex on equal footing.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
If anything, it puts her
If anything, it puts her above me.
As we see over and over and over again on this site, men let their exes run their current lives. It may look like a rose (love for the kids), but it sure smells like sh*t (love for the ex-wife).
Blueberry's Baby
Oh, well that is a different
Oh, well that is a different issue. Lumping the kids into one has nothing to do with letting his ex run your lives. If he's letting her run your lives for "the sake of the kids" then you do have a serious issue. Part of that issue is that you're tolerating it. Wingnut tried desperately to keep her claws in dh for "the sake of their daughter". He refused to drink the kool-aid. He still loves his daughter, but Wingnut has no control here.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Oh, well that is a different
Oh, well that is a different issue. Lumping the kids into one has nothing to do with letting his ex run your lives. If he's letting her run your lives for "the sake of the kids" then you do have a serious issue. Part of that issue is that you're tolerating it. Wingnut tried desperately to keep her claws in dh for "the sake of their daughter". He refused to drink the kool-aid. He still loves his daughter, but Wingnut has no control here.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Couldn't have said it better!
Couldn't have said it better!
But you can't expect him not
But you can't expect him not to love his kids because they are making poor choices. I know what you are saying. I catch myself thinking that when DH and I have kids together, those will be his 'real' kids, but I have to stop myself.
He loves his kids and that is a GOOD thing. Now issues in child rearing and dealing with BM is a different subject all together.
Not exaggerating, furie.
Not exaggerating, furie. Documented criminal charges, jailtime, disowned by other family members, etc. but can do no wrong in DH's eyes. If there were an encyclopedia entry for "The Guilty Daddy" it would have my husband's picture next to it.
Blueberry's Baby