Is DH nuts???? A vent - no problems need to be solved.
DH casually announced (right before dinner) there was a change of plans with his kid's visitation schedule for the first week of the summer.
Hello.....we (me) spent three long nights working out a way to fit 6 weeks of uninterrupted visitation into our summer and now you're changing it? Two days before she's supposed to get here? And you didn't think to give me the courtesy of a heads up?? You just made a decision, without including me, about something that's going to affect me? Hello dumb-ass......haven't we played this idiotic game before???
He reasoning was that I've been so nice to his daughter that he thought I forgave what she did to me, to him and to our home. Excuse me? The little s**t (I didn't use that word, only thought it) hasn't even apologized to either one of us and he thinks I've forgiven her?? He thought because he's forgiven her and moved on that I should too.
All I wanted to yell was F him, his kid and her crazy-ass mother. I have not and will not forget the hell the three of them put me through for three years. And for the next four years (until his kid is 18 and out of HS and I don't have to deal with EOWE, holidays and 6 weeks in the summer), I will be on continual alert making sure I don't get kicked in the teeth again.
He then told me I need counseling to work out my feelings about his child. I very clearly stated, I do NOT need to work out anything when it comes to your kid. We've been through counseling and my feeling WILL NOT CHANGE. DH - do you understand? Out of respect for you and your child I only tolerate her presence in my life. We've been over this before. After everything she's done and everything she's put me through, I do not like her, I do not love her. I can only hope she grows into a decent human being and does not follow in her mother's footsteps.
She is not my child. DH loves her and it's his kid. I love him and I will be decent to her when she is in my home, as long as she remains respectful, considerate and polite towards me, my pets, my family and my friends.
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Oh....I've gone to the mat on
Oh....I've gone to the mat on the pet subject!
I'm not going to lie, I heard
I'm not going to lie, I heard my dog yelp once after FSD10 was in my room alone with her, and got ready to open up a can of whoopa**.
Thank you Vickmester. He gets
Thank you Vickmester. He gets insulted when I've asked him to please run these things by me before confirming plans with ex and kid. Not only do I feel like a moron, but it's inconsiderate not to include me in the discussion. He asked me if he has any say in what he does........I said I'm not telling you I have to "approve" or "give consent" but out of courtesy I should be included. He started bitching that I'm treating him like a child and I said....No, you're treating me like the child by telling me how it's going to be. I'm asking you to be an adult and treat me like an adult when the decisions are going to affect me or our plans in any way.
The joke in all of this?? The change to the schedule wasn't as big a deal as the revelation I should be fine with everything now. I should have known he would assume all is right with the world. He's the kind of person that once he's fine with something, then everyone should be fine with it.
My irritation with the schedule change moved way down the list at that point!
But you DO have to approve or
But you DO have to approve or give consent about things that DO affect your life. You are not being ridiculous or unreasonable, how about you inviting someone else -important to you not necessarily to DH- into your home and not discuss with DH? How would the darling feel then?
It makes me sooooo angry when we are just expected to be nice girls and go along with anything when it comes to schildren and their psycho BM's.
I would love to say yes, all
I would love to say yes, all the time but unfortunately no. Uberskank and DH's kid know to call him at work and press him for an answer. I have made the suggestion several times - tell them both you can't give them an answer right now, you want to call me and find out what's going on and get back to them. If they press for an answer, he could always say "if they want an answer right now...then the answer is no."
He sometimes does this but most of the time he doesn't. He really, really hates dealing with Uberskank. It's easier for him to give in than to wait and talk to me. My response to this is always the same......you tell me it's easier to give in, then you come home in a pissy mood because you were taken advantage of again. I don't want to hear it, I'm going for a pedicure/out with my friends.
Four more years and that
Four more years and that sentence have become my mantras. }:)
At 14, she spends most of her time with friends anyway. Which is ironic because when she ran away last year (DH had custody) and then moved back with Uberskank, all we heard from her was how stupid, mean and ghetto her friends were and she was glad she wouldn't be around them any more. :?
BTDT, not until I changed MY
BTDT, not until I changed MY mind and didn't enlighten him did he get the picture.
A few shopping trips and changing the colour i decided for a room or 2 and didn't tell him until I did it (OK, it was deliberate but still) did he understand he is married to me. If he wanted to arrange his life around his ex and kids he should have stayed married to her.
Common courtesy applies. If you want me to interact with your kid/s involve me in the process.
I am so glad I'm not the only
I am so glad I'm not the only one that gets pissed about things!!! Stick to your guns about changing schedules - that takes time to arrange and at the snap of the finger it changes with no second thoughts by the people that didn't work hard to figure it out.