This is the last of the drama, because I'm finished with this. I can't stand her tone, her continued misplaced resentment, her having her mother and family involved in this. I'M PISSED! She wants to talk down to me like I'm some kid, then she's getting the same tone from me. I've sent her this response and I'm washing my hands of this and her. I've deleted my e-mail account because I want no more of this crap. I know I'll get a LOT of replies about how wrong this is, how horrible I sound, how I shouldn't have done this. And that could be true, but this woman is on my last nerve! I took the liberty of quoting some of the responses that I got from the wonderful members of ST. I hope none of you will mind. (Crayon, I loved your wording about SD's tone of her letter, so I quoted your words).

First and foremost, this has nothing to do with your family, SS, your mom, or anyone else. I don't understand why you keep bringing other people into this. I'm only going to respond to your statements about other people when it's necessary because you keep bringing them into this even though you can't speak for them. Otherwise, this is you and me. Period.

So now the gloves are off. I tried my best to hold back in the previous letter, but I'm done with that. There are many, many things that need to be said and unfortunately, I'm the only one with the balls to say them to you and the only one who doesn't give a rat's ass what you think of it, so here it goes. I just love your pious, sanctimonious tone as if I could actually learn something from you. Ha. Someone with little to no life experience, no kids, never married, and her head up her butt is trying to tell her father and I what life is about and how things should be. What a joke. "Shady things"? You are standing in the shadiest place that exists. Again you go back to you not seeing your dad. That's your problem, and your problem alone. I KNOW that he has called you, just to be hung up on before he can even say goodbye. That's not disrespectful? You can't find time in your uber-busy day to see your Dad on Father's Day? OK, yet I'm the one holding you back?

He will always worry about you. HE IS YOUR FATHER! As for helping financially? Well, there wouldn't be a problem with that if it was actually HELP. When you ask to borrow money, that implies that you will actually pay it back. Have you ever paid him back any of the money you 'borrowed'. I don't think so. When you haven't worked the entire summer because you were too busy sitting around and partying with friends, but yet you feel you 'need' a vacation, maybe what you really needed was a J.O.B. Why would you need a vacation? What are you tired from? Sitting around all summer? Instead of taking your Dad's money, you should have worked for it yourself. OR perhaps you could have paid him back. Wouldn't that have been more respectful?

You say that I don't trust your Dad to talk to your Mom. Sorry, wrong. It's not an issue of trust. I completely trust him when it comes to any other women. Not a problem. The issue is that you're adults. You have phones, cars, and the freedom of adults. If there's something going on, he can talk to you or your brother direct. If he wants to visit you, he can set it up with you. There's no alimony, child support, custody issues, shared property, nothing anymore. The divorce is final. So what's the point of going through your mother? And frankly, after hearing her through the phone chewing your Dad out, why should he even bother going through her anymore when there's no need. KISS is the motto: Keep It Simple Stupid. Why complicate things and possibly open up a Pandora's box of issues? Makes no sense, and it was proven when she called here the last time. Chapter closed.

You say that you respect your Dad? HA! That's so laughable. I recall an instance at your graduation party in Ohio that shocked everyone in the room and had your Dad's side of the family defending him. Let's see...if I recall correctly, the exact words were "I know I don't need his permission, I just want him to pay for it!" If I ever spoke to my father that way, I'd have a size 13 shoe up my ass sideways. Perhaps that's something that would have set you straight as well. Another: "Don't you just love how he takes pictures of absolutely nothing?" "Dad, you're such a dork." The examples of disrespectful and condescending remarks are endless. I don't know what your definition of respect is, but it certainly doesn't resemble the definition in Webster's. Even your previous letter from last year was dictatorial and condescending to him. You dictate to him about marriage (how many times have you been married?), you dictate to him what he should do with his life and how he should live while you're still hovering at home. You say you don't want to give him an ultimatum. What do you think that entire letter was? It was one huge ultimatum. You say "I'm speaking for just myself" yet SS was peppered into the entire thing. It was just riddled with contradictions. You do that when you talk, too. I swear you love the sound of your own voice. You interject it into a conversation that you have no clue about just so you can hear yourself. What you really end up doing is looking uneducated. Better to keep quiet than to sound like a fool.

Speaking of that party, when you came to the car to thank your father, you forgot the rest of your sentence. Let me finish it for you: "Thanks for throwing the party for me Dad." (Now the part that was missing...) "And thanks Stepoff for helping. I know you're 8 months pregnant and running your butt off for 2 days straight in the mid-summer heat to help throw my ungrateful butt this party so I could shoot my mouth off to my father and embarrass him in front of his family. I really appreciate it!"

You write "he is entitled to pay for my schooling." "my father helping me out with my school (which is is obligated, on paper)" "Dad should be able to help us", "Mom doesn't have much money and I'm not financially stable", "its not like i am out to get his money". Blah, blah, blah, money, money, money. What a greedy mind you have. If you aren't financially stable, who's fault is that? At your age, your father was already married with a kid and wife to support with all the bills that come with it. At your age, I was working 3 jobs and supporting myself entirely with rent, utilities, food, insurance, car maintenance, the works. We both succeeded in life without a bachelor's degree. We both worked since we were teens. I worked until the age of 37. So what makes you so different? A sense of entitlement and a lazy streak, that's what. Again, nobody's fault or problem but your own. If you choose to work a menial retail job instead of what you went to school for, that's your choice. If you can't get along with anyone in the workplace, that's something you need to work on. You will reap either the benefits or the disadvantages of whatever job you choose in your life. And on the topic of money (your favorite), you dropped out of jr. college because you said you didn't want to waste your Dad's money. So you rushed into beauty school (because your friend was doing it) only to decide after 6 months of working that you don't like to do that either. How is that not wasting his money? Now I understand nursing school is the profession of the day. Again, your friend is doing it so therefore you must do it. Good luck to you! Have you ever considered a career counselor? You need to decide what is right for you, not for your friends. It's like the old saying goes: "If your friends jump off a bridge, are you going to jump too?"

"When it comes to my father helping me out with my school (which is is obligated, on paper) then that is considered YOUR finances because you two are married, so that part is my business." Um, nope. Your business is making a success out of your career choice and being responsible for your portion of the student loan. That's it.

You say you are mature? OMG, that actually made me laugh. You have got to be one of the most immature 21 year olds I have ever known. You can't go anywhere by yourself. You have to bring your 'posse' with you. Why are you scared to do normal day-to-day things? Why are you scared to do anything yourself? Why are you scared to take the reins of your own life? Where's the sense of independence that every 18 year old longs for? You say you do 'everything' on your own except for live on your own. Well, that's a HUGE part of growing up and independence. It might be time to take that leap, yeah? You still need your mother to call your boss and yell at her for firing you? You need her to call your Dad and yell at him because (God forbid) I actually sent you YOUR bill? I have been saying for a while now that I think there's actually something wrong. You're really a 13 year old kid stuck in the body of a 21 year old. My theory: you were so shocked at the news of your parents splitting that you became mentally paralyzed and haven't matured at all since that moment. You have insurance now. You can find a 'neutral third-party' to help you to work through that. And I'm not saying that to be condescending. I really think you could benefit a lot by getting some help. You also view me as an obstacle in your life; someone who is keeping your father from you and making him 'cut you off'. Did you ever stop to think that it is simply the timing of things that you are confused with? I met your father when you were 16, almost 17. So for that one year until you became 18, yes, he continued to support you. When you turned 18 and the divorce was finished and you were expected to begin to behave like an adult, suddenly it's my fault. In your mind, it's me who is pulling strings on your father like he's some kind of puppet. Maybe it's just the natural progression of becoming an adult. Don't you think you misplaced and misdirected your anger and hatred all these years? Instead of being bitchy and disrespectful to me, maybe you should have stopped to realize that you're an adult and this would have happened regardless of whether I was in the picture or not. You never stop to think.

As for the insurance, ABSOLUTELY. Yep (raises hand) that was me. Do I care that you don't 'appreciate it'? Not one bit. Why would you think your Mom would have called? You make no sense. Your Mom isn't on the policy, therefore, if she called they wouldn't even give her any info anyway. Again, your bills are your bills. If you don't want to pay for them or can't afford them, then don't create them. You need to get your address changed with your doctor, because any of your bills that arrive here WILL be sent to you, like it or not. You can have whoever you like call here to complain and harrass your father about it, but it won't make any bit of difference. You're a big girl now honey, time to put those big-girl panties on and take care of your business. You got lucky with the new Obama-care rules. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you don't handle your business like the adult you claim to be, then I will. And if that doesn't settle well with you, you're always free to go back to your own health insurance. That's your choice.

You think I need to show you respect? Are you serious? I don't owe you a single thing. You will never respect me? That's fine. I can absolutely live without the respect of someone half my age. You say I never showed you respect and I was out to get you? When you used to visit would be talking, all sitting within inches of each other, and you refer to me as "she" and "her". You can never look me in the eye. You can't say hello when you arrive. You come here and crawl into a little ball on the couch and text your friends when you're supposed to be spending time with your father that you keep complaining to that I'm keeping you from. How many dinners did I cook for you when you came to visit your Dad? You like sweet-n-sour chicken. Fine. You like salad. Fine. You bring your friend. Fine. You fall asleep visiting your Dad. Fine. You needed a gift list for him for Christmas. Fine. You invited yourself to Florida without anyone asking you to go. Fine. You're going to be late visiting again? Fine, we'll rearrange our schedule to accommodate you. You come here a week after Easter to tell your father that it's not fair that he has to 'sneak around to talk to Mom', and "are you happy Dad?" Not fine. And I even let you back into our home after that episode to come see your grandparents when they visited. Yet according to you I haven't tried to take it all in stride and give you chance after chance after chance to be a decent person. Nice of you to try to plant your seeds of destruction. What you don't realize is that I know more than you think I do. And you speak of disrespect? Who's the hypocrite now?

You don't consider me 'any form of family'. That's fine too. Frankly, we're not family. You're my husband's daughter. That's it. That's all you are to me anymore. We don't have to see each other. We don't need to speak. We don't need to ... anything. The only relationship you have with anyone under our roof is with your father. Period. You have a 'right' to see our boys? Um, sorry sweetheart, no you don't. You have no rights or legal ties to anyone here. Yes, they are your father's kids, too. But it is the job of a parent (again, something you don't understand) to first and foremost protect their child. Do I think you're Satan? No. But ask me if I trust you at all. Do your father and I make decisions together? Yes. But after your pissy little letter, this is one topic that I cannot and will not flex on. You need to learn to engage your brain before having diarrhea of the mouth. Don't worry about their happiness, safety, etc. That's what parents are for. You are grossly overstepping your bounds and seem to think that you have some type of authority or control. But I'll tell you what, if you want to see them in the future, you let me know. It will have to be around the age of 8 at the earliest. I'll let them read your letter about how they don't need a father because your Dad "didn't stay with your Mom just for you". Then they can make their own decision. Sound fair? Try talking your way out of that one. You've got 6 years to work on your speech.

This is your father's house? *BUZZ* wrong again. This is our house, and you are not welcome here anymore. "You do realize that she is around, me and SS want no part in it". That's you boycotting our home. Please, continue. I insist now. You think, "So there is another case in which you have influenced my dad into keeping me from him." Nope, you can see him anywhere you like, just not here. So I'm influencing him to stay away from you by not wanting you here anymore, yet you write "I honestly never want to see her again, and that affects my relationship with you". So you admit in one breath that your boycott of our home affects your relationship with your father, and you're okay with that. But when I say I don't want you here, then suddenly I'm keeping you from your Dad. Ugh, stop the double-standards. You say these things and then get mad when I don't want you to come around here, even into our garage. It might be time for you to listen to the things you yourself say. You seem to be confused.

What I really believe is going on with you is that you like to cause trouble and then play the victim role. "lets put all this behind us in front of the family." Yes, I know, so you can look like an angel and then say "see, I'm so nice but she just doesn't give me a chance". Well, others might fall for it but I'm not buying it. You say I don't know you. So then, pray tell, why is it that I can predict just about every move you make, everything you will say, before you say or do it? I've told your father many, many times the outcome of the decisions you make even before it happens. I told him that beauty school was a bad idea. Why? Because you can't get along with people at work. They either fire you or make it so uncomfortable for you to work there so that you'll leave. But wait, it's always their fault right? Please forgive, but you're just too flaky to stick with anything. So, what was the outcome of beauty school? I've always been right. How is that? It's because I've got you pegged. I know exactly who you are. I don't need to talk to you or be around you to know how you think. You're pretty transparent and obvious.

You call me a hypocrite? Well, disrespectful little girl, let me enlighten you. Did we live with my parents? Yes, for 3 months until we found our home. Did we pay them rent? Yes. Did we keep the stay there short? Yes we did. Did we ever borrow money from them? Yes we did. It was paid back in 2 weeks. Did we call them dorks, or ask to borrow money and not pay it back, or sit around and let them cook and clean for us without helping? No. See, that's showing respect for people. A LOAN is repaid, a GIFT is not. Not that any of these details are any of your business. Just using them as a learning tool for you.

"Yes i know you are married to him but when you say its in our hands to call and visit, well then why is it that it seems next to impossible to get him to get together with me or my brother". Why are you asking me this? Why don't you ask your father? You don't seem to be getting it into your head that I have nothing to do with your relationship with your father. Let me repeat just in case you didn't catch that again: I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER. Did you catch it that time? I hope so, because I'm not repeating it again.

"i would never be jealous or expect my dad to neglect them because feeling neglected from your father is a terrible feeling, and i would never wish that upon anyone else." So what you're saying is that you feel neglected by your father. Why? He has tried on many, many occasions to meet with you only to hear that you're too busy. Do you feel financially neglected? If so, why? You're an adult now. Do you feel emotionally neglected? If you would make some time for him, maybe you could resolve that yourself. Honestly, please get some help. It could only benefit you.

One last thing: Maybe you should try to write a letter by yourself, too, instead of having your Mom do your homework for you.