So for the past five years, I have been trying to "stay in my place" as a stepmom. Not step on BM's toes, not take over, respect her role as SD's mom. I never try to do things I think her mom should do, as when I have children, I wouldn't want anyone coming in and doing the things I want to do with my kids. I would want my kids stepmom to respect the fact that they DO have an active mother in their life.

That all ends now.

I had another epiphany last night. I wondered why BM could be so good at things like taking SD to the doctor, making sure she gets good grades in school, making sure she has clean clothes to wear and her hair is combed, and makes sure that she is respectful and polite. But no matter how much SD begs or cries, she won't enroll her in a dance camp, rarely comes to anything for school unless it's PT conferences, won't show SD the girl things (teach her to comb her hair, bake a cake, etc). She makes a lot of promises, but never does ANY of it. She promises SD she will take her to the waterpark for her birthday. Doesn't do it. She will give her this, take her there, show her how to do this, bake a cake with her. Never does ANY of it.

Why? Because it's not about her. That's right. BM only does the things that are about HER. It is to her benefit to have SD get good grades in school, be well behaved, in good health, dresses nice, etc. That is what people SEE. They SEE those things and think "Wow, what a great MOM she has!"

You guys make think "Well, maybe she just doesn't have motherly instincts." No, I know this woman. She has classic "nutso BM" syndrome, where everything is about her.

SD is saving for an IPod touch. Her mom said she would give her $40 from the CS for it. Yesterday she got upset that DH didn't say hi to her at the gs station, and she told SD, "No, I don't think I will. Let your dad pay for it all."

You dumbass, if the money was coming from CS, he still IS paying for it. That money came FROM him. How is that not him paying for it? Like women who collect CS every month, buy the kids clothes with it, and say "Your daddy never buys you anything!" Riiight.

I'm not mad she won't give her the money, I'm mad she told her she would then went back on it. Yet here I am teaching SD her word is her bond.

I'm done with worrying about stepping on BM's toes anymore. Fuck it. Next time SD wants me to do something that I think BM should be doing but hasn't after being asked for the hundredth time, I am just gonna do it. I am not claiming to be the perfect mother, or to even know everything. Hell, I am learning as I go, too. But I can't bear to stand by and watch SD's eyes fill the the brim one more time after being duped by BM once again. Because one thing I do know, is that you don't lie to kids. You just don't. It's cruel, and I will never do it. And SD knows that. Anytime I am not sure of something, I say "We will see."

I am sorry this is so long and rambly. But I like my SD, and it honestly hurts my feelings that her mom continues to let her down in so many ways.