When I first came to ST, I felt that I hated my ss. I felt jealous and annoyed with him (constantly demanding attention), and guilty for all of these feelings. I felt that EOW my space was invaded. I felt powerless over my living situation, I resented that my weekends with SO had to be shared with ss doing kiddie things from when he got to the apartment until he left. The frustration that resulted in all of these feelings was misdirected towards ss.
I've come to realize that none of this is ss's fault. He didn't ask to be born. He deserves a father. He is a kid, and it is normal for kids to constantly seek attention.
I then came to realize that most of this is mine and SO's fault. Why? Because when the visits came, SO threw his son on me, as if it were my sole responsibility. While he went to go hang out with his friends in the living room, I'd be stuck in the room, feeling forced to entertain ss (who needs to be entertained and playing PS3 for most of the day, while I have to find something else to do). It is true that I could have walked out, and allowed SO to finally interact with ss, but I would feel guilty, so I allowed this to happen.
I wouldn't have had to stay in the apartment all weekend if I were able to go out with the girls, but since SO would give me the guilt trip and the not so subtle attitude, I did stay home in order to avoid problems in the relationship. Thus causing more resentment.
SS is the kid, SO is the adult. SO felt like crap about not being able to buy ss something for the holidays or his birthday, I would jump in and buy something so that SO wouldn't be depressed over it. No one forced me to do this, I chose to do this, but it still caused resentment.
The agreement was that after I moved in, we would find an apartment (even a 1 bedroom), in order to have more space, so that I don't have to feel that my space is being invaded. We made an agreement that he would work, I would go to school. He didn't live up to his end of the agreement (he just found a job, after his unemployment cut off), and here I am still resenting my living situation.
The only thing that can change this all is me. I have tried to help SO, have tried to steer him in the best direction for the both of us (IMO), but he was (and is) comfortable in his arrangement. It took me 10 years to realize it, but I cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. I stayed this long because I was trying to be supportive, and I thought this is what people are supposed to do in a relationship. But when does support someone else stop? I say it should stop now, since it seems he hasn't been receptive to what I'm saying.