Another post got me wondering, what are everyone's thoughts on...
BMs changing or not changing their names back after their divorce from your SO? Or for the gentlemen, your ex changing or not changing her name back after splitting from you? On the other side, what about if you're the one who kept or changed her name after a divorce?
BM in our case has not changed her name and said early in their divorce talks that she probably wouldn't. It doesn't overly bother me - my mother didn't change her name back after her divorce from my father and friends growing up who also had divorced parents had mothers who hadn't reverted back to their maiden names, so it seemed to be the norm in my experience. I don't love seeing BM's name with FH's attached to it, but it's pretty low on the list of things that get under my skin. My mother changed her name when she remarried, which was around 11/12 years after she and my dad divorced (although she had been with her current husband, my SF, for 10 years before they married) but she didn't bother before mostly because it would be an inconvenience and in her career field (she's in finance) she was well-known already by her married name. The divorce was relatively amicable in that there were no major issues outside of growing apart and changing after marrying too young, but she never longed for him back or pulled the nonsense some of y'all's BMs do so I don't believe it to be out of any emotional attachment to him.
I think this is largely the case with BM - FH hasn't been around divorce as much as I have (until his own) and so he was more irritated that she wouldn't be changing her name back than I was. We believe she would change it if she were to remarry, but that's not on the immediate horizon in any way right now. -shrug- It may be a passive aggressive thing to hold on to to bother me, but I'm more leaning towards the fact that it's an inconvenience to do the paperwork and to change her name on everything.
Don't get me wrong - I've had my share of insecurities and annoyances in the past, but this is just something that never made the list. I've noticed more than once in other blogs or posts, though, that others are more bothered by the ex keeping their married name so I was looking for some opinions about this particular issue.
Maybe it's a situational thing - I imagine it would be worth the inconvenience to change your name had it been a scarring or abusive relationship, for example, compared to one that was more amicable. I dunno - what are your thoughts?
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My DH's first wife kept his
My DH's first wife kept his name but they were very young and only lasted about 9 months. She had a horrible last name and it does not bother me - they have no contact and no children together. His second wife changed hers immediately so no issue there. Unfortunately he has a son with her so while they don't share the same name she is always in his life. With my first husband I changed my name as soon as the divorce was final. I know many woman keep the last name so that the children and them have the same name. I have a friend that kept the name until her son graduated HS and then she changed it back to her maiden name.
After the divorce she started
After the divorce she started hyphenating her last name. Her maiden and his, she also has the skids hyphenating now. He agreed to that in the papers, I don't think she ever leaglly changed the skids names though.
I kinda like not havin the
I kinda like not havin the same name as bm cuz her and dh were never married. Sd has dhs last name as well. But if bm did it wouldn't bug me too much except the fact that we have the same middle name! Lol and same initials. Turns out my mil has the same middle name as us too lol. But if me and dh were to divorce I don't think I would change my last name back it was too much of a hassle to change everything to my new name lol
That's funny about the middle
That's funny about the middle name. My middle name and BM's first name are the same, so that was always kind of weird. That being said, I've never really used my middle name even before I met FH because it sounds ridiculous with my maiden name and when FH and I marry and I take his name, it would just make me think of her to start using my middle name then, lol. So I think my middle name has always, for one reason or another, been doomed to be shortened to an initial as often as possible.
I asked FH when we started dating how weird that was for him that we shared the name (even though for me it's middle and for her it's her first) on a scale of 1-10, and he said about a 6 but the fact that my mother and BM's mother have the same first name makes it an 8. My mother, while she's had her moments, isn't psychotic and mean like BM's mother is/was so that's a plus and as far as similarities between BM and I otherwise, we have maybe 2 or 3 mutual interests but that's the extent of it (other than FH, I suppose :P) so the names stuff doesn't bother me, it's always just been sort of strange.
The same thing happens to me
The same thing happens to me and we are in a different state that she has never even been too. It irked the shit out of me when it first happened and I actually called the mortgage company and had her name with my address taken off of their mailing list. It has since happened about 5 times and it does not bother me anymore. The first time was about 2 months after we moved into our new house and we had only been married about a year now 6 years later does not bother me.
Honestly, someone is always
Honestly, someone is always lost and left behind in a marriage, she may be bitter or spiteful but don't worry about it. Who does your husband come home to every night???....plus if the children are involved it's more of an advantage for her, although I think the bitch is stupid and ignorant, you just can't change those type of people. For the kids sake let it ride....
Oh, I'm not worried. As I
Oh, I'm not worried. As I said in the OP, this is for curiosity's sake.
She didn't change her name
She didn't change her name back and I'll admit it bugs me. According to her FB it's so SD "knows we are still a family". I don't know if she meant her and SD or her, SD, and H.
She was married before H and had a kid with that guy too but she didn't keep his name for the other kid's sake. To make it worse, H's name is aweful (lucky me) and BM's maiden is so much better.
I never took my exH's name even though I gave it to our kids. His last name plus my first name sounded like the stage name for a stripper.
BM and FDH where married for
BM and FDH where married for 10 years and she never changed her name.. and she got annoyed when they addressed something to them both with his last name she used to get super annoyed!
so good news for me! i get his kick ass last name, but i would be ticked off being the 2nd MRS ......
I don't have to deal with it
I don't have to deal with it (BM changed her name back to her maiden name and then changed again when she remarried) but I don't think I'd have an issue with it since I didn't change my name when I got married. DH doesn't have a problem with my name staying the same, although he's alternately amused and irritated when he gets addressed as Mr. MyLastName.
My husband's ex kept her last
My husband's ex kept her last name. She says she keeps it because of the kids. But the kids live with us and she might see them twice a year... so I don't see how that's an issue.
It doesn't bother me. Except that she really is an asshat. And I worry that people will think we are family or something.
Luckily, we live in a totally different part of the country.
BM always kept DH's name
BM always kept DH's name right up until she remarried,it never bothered me,however,what really got up my nostrils was when DH would send off the CS checks every month, and continued to address her as such for a good 3 years after,me being the idiot i was,never uttered a word about it to him.
My DH's exW got remarried
My DH's exW got remarried only a few months after their divorce, so there wasn't an issue since we weren't even serious yet. Not sure how I would have felt about it though. What I can't stand is here it is 11 years after the divorce and we still get mail for her! That's annoying!!
I kept my exH last name until I married my DH...almost 12 years after my divorce. My exH had already remarried, and to be honest, I never even thought about how that made her (new wife) feel--not being mean or nasty...just never crossed my mind. I just always thought it was easier on my daughter if I kept the same last name that she had until I got remarried.
Our BM still has DH's last
Our BM still has DH's last name - they have been divorced for 7 years - and I don't think she will change it unless maybe *crosses fingers* someday she gets remarried. I would assume she didn't change it becuase of her job and so her and the kids have the same last name. I have to admit, it does bother me a little bit. Especially when somebody says so you must be BM then? And I am like no I am MT1ST2. It's annoying! But we live in the same city, not too far away from each other, etc. But you know, my mom and dad were married for like 7 years and she never changed her last name back and she hated his guts. I think it is pretty common.
*On another note - when I got divorced from my exH, I did change my last name back to my maiden but we didn't have any kids together.
I reverted to my maiden name
I reverted to my maiden name when I divorced my DD's father. We were young when we got married and it didn't last long. I never had issues with my name being different from hers.
DH and BM were married for 9 years before they divorced and BM kept DH's name so that she would have the same name as SS. Plus, DH's name is far easier than her maiden name so I think that's another reason why she kept it. She got remarried recently and I don't think she's taken new hubby's name but as she told DH, everyone calls Mrs. New Hubby anyway. Does it bother me? Yeah, a little because I would proudly take my new DH's name if I were in her shoes. Plus, SS is kinda screwed up over the post divorce situation with BM and DH because they mistakenly continued to take him out together even though they were divorced to appear amicable for his sake but I don't think it helped anything as he really saw no separation or boundaries until I came along and ruined everything, right? Evil stepmom, blah blah blah....Anyway, whenever we send her anything in the mail, I address her as Mrs. New Hubby.
I of course married DH, dropped my maiden name and took his name
The ironic thing here, is she
The ironic thing here, is she hasn't changed it back but when they got married 20+ years ago, she didn't want to take DH's name! He insisted. Supposedly now it's easier "for the kids" stuff like school, etc. Ha ha. They are now 21 and 17. I think she doesn't want people to forget that she was there "first."
Too weird when they get remarried and keep the DH's name! That's not even their name. I wouldn't be too happy if I was those husbands. "This is my wife, Mrs. EX-husband." Too strange.
I changed my last name after
I changed my last name after I divorced my xh. We had a son together but because we weren't married at the time and he was born at a catholic hospital, they would only allow my maiden name for my son. It is a pain to change names but my reason was do I would have the same last name of my kids going back to my maiden. My mother didn't change hers after divorcing my dad so she could keep the same last name as my brother and I and when she divorced her second husband she changed her last name back to my dads and not her maiden. She is remarried now so if she did divorce again she would probably go back to her maiden since my brother and I are both married and keeping the same last name as us isn't an issue anymore.
Forgot to add. Bm didn't
Forgot to add. Bm didn't change her last name after divorcing dh and normally it wouldn't bother me but we have received bills of hers here. This isn't an issue of her just forgetting to change it but her giving it to new places like when she changed vets last year. I was hot when I seen her vet bill in the mailbox. Luckily my mother and I have used the same vet for years so I called them up and made sure they changed it on bm's account.
BM and DH were never married
BM and DH were never married so she always had her maiden name until she finally got married a couple weeks ago.
Skids have DH's last name, though. That was one thing he felt strongly enough to stand up for himself about!
If DH and I get a divorce, I would change my name back in a heartbeat just so it would be the same as my son's again.
Oh, one thing that happened years ago that STILL ticks me off...went to court for SD to get settlement from a car accident (that totally MY car while we were taking Skids back to BM - thank goodness nobody was seriously hurt - but still) and the judge referred to BM as DH's ex-wife. That's just an honest mistake but DH could not believe that I was mad that he NEVER CORRECTED or said to ANYONE that they were NEVER MARRIED!!
I guess I felt that was disrespectful to me, his FIRST wife!
When I seperated from my ex,
When I seperated from my ex, I changed my last name. The dmv let me do it so I did. It actually bothered my ex that I did it, and he said some pretty hurtful things after I did it.
Now my DH's changed her last name. It wouldn't have botherd me if she kept his last name, because I am his wife and she is his EX-wife. Now I would think it may have been a little weird for her because we have the same first name.
But I would think that it would be weird for the ex-wife to have the same last name since she is the ex-wife and it makes her seem like she can't move on.
Through the entire 5 years
Through the entire 5 years they were married BM kept her maiden name. When they split she started using SO's name and continues to use it to this day.
Go figure.
she didnt change her name
she didnt change her name back either and i dont really like it.. im not sure really why it bothers me because DH's first wife changed her name back and she is the BM of his kids and the second wife had no children with him... I understand if kids are involved but if there arent any tie's then move on and change the name back.. thats how i feel... Im hoping she will marry soon so i dont have to hear it... ha ha...