When you swap weekends with BM, and HER plans change, whose responsibility is it to figure out where the kids go?
About a month ago DF confirmed with BM the plans for Thanksgiving weekend: it is "supposed" to be our weekend and her holiday (Thurs/Fri), but DF asked her if we could switch it, because we are meeting with my family on that Saturday night (about 4 hours away). BM said it was no big deal because her family doesn't do much for Thanksgiving anyway and she knows that DF's family does, so she even said that it makes more sense for him to have the kids on the holiday.
Fast forward to last night, when BM called DF to ask him if he can take the kids the whole holiday and weekend of Thanksgiving, Thurs-Sunday. DF reminded her that they had already confirmed the plans for the weekend with her and that we couldn't change them (my family is throwing my baby shower that weekend, if we knew how much stuff we were bringing back we'd be fine taking the kids with, but our car will be packed).
He asked her what changed in her plans. BM's EX boyfriend is flying her to see him in Chicago for the whole weekend. It was surprisingly not a huge deal and didn't turn into drama-fest like it normally would. BM was just wondering if our plans had changed and was "informing" him that her plans changed as well (although I can't help but add that she didn't consult first, she just informed). DF told her that we can't change our plans but that if we can think of something to help we'll let her know.
So my question is, whose responsibility is it then to make sure someone can care for the kids that weekend? He can have them Thurs/Fri as planned but like I said, we can't take them Saturday/Sunday. Is it my fiance's responsibility because it was originally his weekend? Or is it BM's, because she agreed to switch the weekend around long ago and then her plans changed? How have you guys all handled this?
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You probably won't like this
You probably won't like this answer, but technically it's still your weekend. Sounds like she is giving you her holiday, and then letting you have your weekend too-put it this way, if you went to court over it, you would lose.
That's why we don't stray
That's why we don't stray from the court order. It is your weekend still so dh needs to help find arrangements or you might have the kids. Try to find arrangements and hope she does the same. If you rely in her, though, she'll just throw it back innyour face that it is your weekend anyway...
We have switched weekends
We have switched weekends quite a bit over the years due to situations similar to yours. Hmmm... If that situation came up DH would take the kids and we would find a way to make it work. He would always take them unless we had airline tickets or something. Then we would probably work with BM to look into family members. Our BM is nuts so we wouldn't want to rock the boat with her over this situation and would try to be helpful.
I see you point about the
I see you point about the Baby Shower and you might not have enough room to take the skids with you - I think everyone just needs to work together and find alternative places for the skids to stay. In all fairness the BM should be responsible but don't wait for her to fix the solution just be proactive and try to find a way - you do not want to be stuck with the kids if you are having your baby shower - to ship items can get to be very expensive. Good luck.
This happened to us back in
This happened to us back in the spring. We were going on a cruise, so we would be gone both our weekend and hers. My FDH asked BM if she would keep the skids that weekend and she agreed.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks before the cruise. She came back, told us she had plans and we would have to make other arrangements.
I know this sounds terrible, but because FDH is not custodial, he just said, "Too bad - you already said you would keep them. It is up to you to make other arrangements". Now if we were custodial, I guess she would have had the ultimate power, because she just wouldn't have picked them up.
that would have been our
that would have been our response as well if we had a trip planned and switch agreed upon. We always send an email and wait to get a response agreeing to switch before we buy tickets so that if something "comes up" we can also say "Too bad!"
The problem with that is that
The problem with that is that the OP and her dh will have the kids the first half of the holiday. So if bm is a witch, then she could go on her trip and not be home when they go to drop off the kids. Then they'd be stuck with the kids. There wouldn't be anything dh could do because according to he orders it IS his weekend & there is no proof of an alternate agreement being made. Honestly, for us, we just don't plan things on weekends we have ss and if we do then we make sure we have arrangements for him. What would you have done if bm didn't agree to the alternate arrangement? You'd still have the kids the weekend of your shower or what?
Before I even bought my plane
Before I even bought my plane tickets I tried to smooth it all out. I had a few options -- I could have flown both ways and had all my gifts shipped. Or I would have drove the whole way there and back (although that would have really sucked!). Or we could have tried to borrow someone's SUV so that we could fit the kids AND the stuff.
But we checked with BM first to see if our original plan would work, and it was totally fine with her to take the kids for the weekend...up until this week.
Sounds like a bit of a mixed
Sounds like a bit of a mixed response!
That's okay. The only people we have around are DF's family, but they're 3 hours away (in the opposite direction of where we're going). Plus, I have a one-way plane ticket to my parents house for the whole weekend, then DF is coming on Saturday via car. I'd have no way home if he didn't come to get me, or I'd have to fly and we'd have to ship everything!
We'll see if we can get DF's mom to come to town that weekend to watch the skids, but otherwise I guess we'll have to wait to see what BM decides.
I wanted to add though, that
I wanted to add though, that BM's entire family lives in town -- so hopefully her parents will take the kids for that Saturday evening without a problem!
I hope that works out and you
I hope that works out and you can enjoy your shower without interference!
This one is a tough one. She
This one is a tough one. She did your DH a favor by switching with him. So, I have to go with those who recommend that you take the Skids for both the Holiday and the Weekend. Rent a big van for the weekend if you need room for stuff and the skids.
Have fun.
So you guys traded right?
So you guys traded right? But she wants to be gone the entire weekend? She's responsible for 2 of the 4 days in any circumstances. I agree that you guys agreed, you made plans based on that agreement, and I would just tell-her that I was so sorry but we will be out of town.
That's a good point that
That's a good point that she's responsible for 2 of the 4 days no matter how you look at it....hmmmmm.
Sorry a lil off topic...are
Sorry a lil off topic...are skids upset they are not invited to your baby shower? I Went thru this recently, and didn't get any opinions on here bc I was too upset and annoyed to even put it out there, so if u could tell me I'd be thrilled to hear ur situation, stepping up or pm so I don't take up time on this thread...Thanks
The skids are only 3 and 5 so
The skids are only 3 and 5 so they don't even know what they're going to be missing. Plus they've never met my family so they don't really know what they're missing with that, either! My shower is 8 hours away so I can pretty much guarantee they'd rather not ride in a car for that long
There will be a shower in town for my baby that my friends/DF's mom are throwing so I'll probably see if we can have the kids for that. If the skids were older, it still wouldn't really be an issue probably because of the fact that we're doing two showers -- one here, and one with my family. Sorry I couldn't help you much!