ss17 and i had a good conversation while DH and ss15 were gone last night. we talked about college planning and how things were going with his mom and just general things to get him talking. he opens up to me much better than to his dad - he says that he sees me more as someone he can confide in better than a parent because i have left all teh parenting issues to his dad and i dont judge him. i take this as a compliament i guess... he proeeds to ask me if his dad will ever grow up. he says that it's nice that he has the fun attitude about things, but wishes sometimes Dh would grow up and talk to ss17 about serious things. ss17 is getting hassled by BM and stepdad about college $$ and when ss17 asks Dh about it, DH just responds dont worry about it. I know DH is trying to protect ss17 from worrying about it, but i agree with ss17 that it needs to be discussed because bills will be due sooner than we realize.
i just think it's funny that ss17 pointed out that he doens't like how DH isn't a parent to him or his ss15 brother that he tries to be their buddy. he said what they need is structure from him and maybe that would help ss15 with some of the bad decisions he makes because DH brags stuff up that he did as a teen. DH tells them not to text adn drive, but when we are all together DH will brag abotu how he texts and eats and steers the car with his knee. ss17 said how this is funny - but he gets very mad at his dad for saying one thing and doing another because ss15 eats up every word he says so he'll try to copy dear old dad and do the same thing.
OMG - than we discussed financing his college. BM called DH and had told him his share would be $5k - the conversation was over after that pretty much. my initial worries were correct and BM had told ss17 that DH didnt' love him or care about him goign to college and he was a selfish SOB and that was why DH wouldnt be helpign ss17 go to college.
i explained that $5k is a lot of money for us to come up with and that the normal expenses we have are going up and that's really hard to come up with. i asked him how much he makes out of his checks - $100-$150 a check. so i put it into terms that not even he would have enough for his $5k. then i reminded him that he will have gas, and food, and going out that he'll have to pay for also. i hope that got through to him.
i told him about student loans and how they can help adn you dont get bills until 6 months after you graduate and they're willing to work with you on payments.
this is the part that blew me away...."i dont want to have monthly bills - i want to have it paid right away" i reminded him of the college he chose was $20k a year and there was no way he would pay it all in one payment. "well i'll just ask grandma and grandpa to help pay" i reminded him they are trying to retire - that means no more paycheck. "so you expect me to pay for my college all by myself?!?!" i asked him why his parents, grandparetns and everyone else had to pay his college except for him. "becasue mom and dad divorced and it's been really hard on me (they divorced when he was 6)and it's hard for me to make money and you all have jobs so you can pay more than i can"
I was just blown away at this.....
then Dh and ss15 walk in the door.
ss15 got a laptop for christmas that he was to pay $200 for before it was his to use. well Dh as usually hasn't made the kid keet up this part of the bargain. he can't connect to the wireless internet we have - this is becasue it is password protected even for guests. ss15 and DH were on the couch messing with all the settings and couldnt figure anything out. i'm sitting there looking at random things on the internet just smiling because Dh isnt computer savy and i'm not offering my help. ss15 has been doing teh silent treatment to be because "he feels like it, that's the mood he's in" this was the answer when i asked ss15 directly. ok fine - you want to give me the silent treatment and not ask for help fine by me. enjoy being able to play solitaire only DH tells him to just ask dakota for help. so he sets the laptop next to me and says it wont work and walks away. hahahha are you kidding me - this is how you ask?!?!? i said "sorry" and went about my surfing. DH comes back in the room and asks what was wrong with it. i said i have no idea - i wasn't asked a question, i was just told it doesnt work and he walked away.
DH smiled at me and says dont do anything to it until ss15 can realize taht his silent treatment is BS and he needs to learn how to grow up and ask the appropriate people for help.

i'm glad DH sided with me on the computer issue - well not hooking it up atleast. i mentioned parts of my conversation with ss17 to DH, but not about how he wishes he'd grow up and not act like the best buddy. is this my spot?? do i send ss17 to the lions den and have him and DH have that conversation??