'step' parenting advice - SS4 not self motivated
BM does EVERYTHING for ss4 (still) and I can't / don't want to. He is 4.5 years old I think its about time for him to do things on his own. Though he is getting better at the potty, he won't go unless you tell him to, then he won't get off the potty unless you tell him too. He stands there and waits for some one to dress him, which he can dress himself but you have to tell him to.
I tested the theory today and he sat on the potty for 30 mins, and then i asked him what he was doing but he wouldn't answer. As soon as I said 'done' he hopped up and handed me his pull-up. I have been getting angry with him lately and I know that I shouldn't but it so frustrated because he knows he is doing and he knows what to do but he won't do it on his own. When I tell him to do something he does it but... ugh. it's draining.
BF has noticed to that I 'snap' at SS4 more, but it's the only way that I can get his attention (he ignores me if I talk normal and he doesn't like what I have to say) and let him know that I am not happy. He is such a fit thrower when he doesn't get his way but I have to tell you when the shoe is on the other foot he just pouts. So it's okay for him to be upset but now me. lol - classic child mentality though I know.
BF has noticed that SS4 and I don't like each other too much any more, because I do push him to be a bog boy. BF suggested that I try snuggling him from time to time today. I am not really a snuggling kind of person and there really isn't much love between the 2 of us any more (ss4 and me) not that I blame him, he likes the easy way.
And this is when BF is gone mind you - as soon as he gets home I disengage. I am just the baby sitter and I don't want to play parent but this kid needs to grow up a little and be more self sufficient...
Any suggestions?
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Comments
Yeah I could have a better
Yeah I could have a better conversation with a wall about how SS4 should be treated, than with BM. SHe says that she is the mom and it's her job to be soft and baby him. it seems she wants him to be this way. I know it's her BABY but growing up is a part of life.
He started pre-k last week. BF and I are excited he improved so much last year in an Early childhood class. But BM 'failed' to sign him up for summer school (and didn't tell BF until it was too late) so he hasn't 'improved' much over the summer.
BM has slipped a few times saying that SS4 will be in Pre-k next year but we correct her, BF wants him to go into kindergarten unless it's absolutely advised against by the school. On the plus side they say he goes potty at school but I am sure they take him a few times a day. but he won't tell you he has to go or take himself (yet).
This is not a bad idea, we
This is not a bad idea, we have tried big boy pants in the past and it doesn't seem to faze him but maybe if we used them for awhile he would get used to them, and the icky way they feel.
I always send him to his room when he throws a fit, he hates it because basically what he is doing it putting on a show.
I have quit a few times
but BF told me to wait and see how school helps him. BF knows I don't like baby sitting SS4 and I remind him A LOT.
Peers can work wonders at
Peers can work wonders at that age. Tell BD to enroll the kid in a pre-k program or put him in day care.
My SD is the same age and
My SD is the same age and although she is more or less potty trained (still wets the bed at night) she also throws random fits over little things. She lived primarily with her grandparents until this past year and we all know grandparents spoil kids to no end. When she throws fits (thankfully a rarity now that she knows we don't tolerate that business) we make her go to her room to finish her tantrum and she can come back when she is done. That put a quick end to that.
I totally agree with the daycare/kinder advocates also. Unfortunately BM thinks a $2000/month nanny is a better choice than having her child socialize with others her age for a lesser cost. Did I mention BM is a teacher and SD doesn't even know her ABC's or 123's?
Ridiculous isn't it!? I think
Ridiculous isn't it!? I think if I were a teacher I would want to use my skills to give my child a jump on life. As it is DH and I are both accountants and are teaching the older SD's (9 & 11)how to earn and budget their money. DH says she is just one of those teachers that doesn't really give a crap about her students and it's just a job to her. Which not only makes me feel bad for the steps but also for her students!
My SS is only 26 months but I
My SS is only 26 months but I find that if I ask him what comes next instead of telling him, he is much more cooperative and it's like a game...for instance if we get out of the bath and I say, let's get a diaper - he RUNS for the stairs, but if I ASK him "what comes next, or what do we need now?" he says "diaper!" and runs for his changing table...just a suggestion. Good luck!
this is all solid advice -
this is all solid advice - thanks you guys. BF and I talked about some of these ideas. We are going to start working on it. BUT SS4 is sick today so when he gets to feeling better we;ll push forward.