I haven't posted anything in a while.. not for lack of posting material, just mostly avoidance of said posting material, lol.

Since I never really posted much of a backstory with SD13, I guess I should do that. DH married SD's BM because she was pregnant. She ended up being certifiable, and when they divorced after about a year of marriage (long enough for SD to be born, pretty much), and DH became the custodial parent. BM had EOWE visitation, but she quit using it. She left and never came back when SD was about 2. Knowing what I know now about BM, that was the best thing she could've done for SD.
I came into the picture right after SD turned 7. After about a year, I moved in with DH, and became the full-time 'mother figure' to SD. I love that kid more than anything.. more than my DH. I feel such a connection to her, and she to me. We have a great relationship. Not a 'best-friend' relationship.. a mother-daughter relationship. Or, at least that's what I like to think it is. I do correct her when she's wrong, ground her when it's warranted, etc.. but I also make sure she knows it's because I love her and I want her to be the best person she can be.
DH and I married almost a year and a half ago. Before we ever got married, we had several discussions about me adopting SD eventually because of concerns with MIL, which is a different story entirely.. in a nutshell, she is very controlling when it comes to SD. My fear for SD and I both is that if something were to happen to DH, MIL would take her and never let me see her again, which would devatate us both. DH and I agreed that after we were married, he'd talk to SD about it and let her choose. So, about 6 months ago, DH took SD to get her braces off and then took her for a walk in the park and they talked about it. He said she reacted kinda weird, like she was uncomfortable, so he kinda just put it out there and told her to think about it and let him know. She never said anything else, so I assumed that mabye she just didn't want anything to change. It actually hurt my feelings a lot worse than I thought it would, but I never said anything.
Fast forward to this week... I've gotten SD in therapy because I think a lot of the emotional issues she has are getting the best of her. I took her for an appointment Tuesday, and at the end of the session, her therapist comes to get me and says SD wants to talk about something. She wants me to adopt her!! She totally just made my life this week, and I told her so!! I want nothing more than to make sure she knows I am committed to her for the rest of her life, no matter what else happens with me and DH (which I don't anticipate), or anything. I was so overwhelmed with joy, I couldn't stop crying.
Of course, we can never tell MIL, but whatever.. we talked about that too, and none of us thinks that's a problem.
So, I come home and tell DH, and he lets me know of some concerns that he's never mentioned before. He's afraid that if we do try, we'll have to contact BM, and she'll contest it just because. And now that he's said that, I think she will too. I hadn't thought of that before. Since the court order still states that she has visitation EOWE, she could really make things difficult. DH's lawyer thinks that since she's had no contact for the last 12 years (SD will be 14 in about 4 weeks), we shouldn't have too much trouble getting her parental rights terminated, but I'm really afraid this crazy bitch is gonna end up hurting SD over all of this. SD is emotionally not ready to say that she does or does not want to see her BM, and I'm not going to be the one to put her in that position. It's just such a complicated situation.. if you've read this far, first, thanks! lol.. this got really long. Second, any suggestions?? What would you do?