wanting to make sure BS has enough

So after bms lies the court awarded her custody (it was shared custody before) we are getting ss 4 days in a row every two weeks Sun-Wed. What is bothering me is that now we will have to start paying bm close to $700 in CS compared to the $200 we were paing her when we had shared custody. We have a 8 month old who has been sleeping in our bedroom because we only have a two bedroom house. He is still not sleeping through the night because he is a light sleeper and wakes when ever we so much as cough or sneeze. Bottem line is he will need his own bedroom before any of us will get a good nights rest. We were planning on moving in order to have enough space for everyone. However we will not be able to afford a bigger place because of the $500 dollars extra in CS. So now there is a bedroom for ss setting empty 10 out of 14 days and our son does not have a bedroom.

I'm really struggling with what to do. I'm feeling like our son gets the short end of the stick all the time because of the money that is going to support ss at his mothers. Because of all this I had to go back to work early from my maternity leave. I'm not happy about it but it had to be done. I guess what I'm feeling is that I'm am working to support our BS and DH is working to support his son when he should be working to provide equally for both of his children.

I don't want to make everything about money but I don't want my child going without to provide a room for ss when he is only here for 8 days a month. I don't now how to switch the room over to BS without hurting my ss feelings. I don't want him to feel unwanted I just want to make sure we provide for our child who is here everyday. I know ss did not ask for any of the drama (he is only 7) but our son did not ask to go without because of this new change. I'm starting to not want ss here at all because providing for him here and giving over 25% of dh income in CS is not leaving us with enough to even provide a room for our son.

I'm sure we will get used to our new budget but I am feeling very resentful of ss (even though it is not his fault).

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BS is still not sleeping

BS is still not sleeping through the night and wakes up easily because of the noise. SS sleeps with the radio on soI don't think either of them will get enough rest. This would be OK if ss's visits fell on non school days such as eow but they occur on school days so he needs his sleep.

Let them share the room. When

Let them share the room.

When SS is with BM, BS sleeps in the bedroom. When SS is at your house, BS sleeps in your room.

Just hope BS grows out of the light sleeper thing soon.

Light sleepers have it hard.

Light sleepers have it hard. Parents of light sleepers have it even harder. If they don't get a good nights rest, they're cranky throughout the day. That was me.

Honestly, practicality needs to rule over feelings. Having them share a room may not be the best idea, because BS will wake up.

I have a friend and her husband who keeps her SS's stuff in a box, but he doesn't have his own room. When he comes, he gets a pull out couch or an air mattress, because they see him on average only a few times a year (different countries.)

I asked my DH the very same question, and he said that there is no point in keeping a room unless he's here close to half the time (because the room that would be given up would be his office and there's no way he would let that go). Same thing with a pet--DH said that if he asks (because we intend to give our kids pets when they're old enough), he will just tell him that an animal needs constant care and attention, and can't be just taken care of half the time. In the end, SS would probably just have a cot and his things kept in a closet, pulled out in DH's office when he does come to visit.

That's our plan anyway.

I think that for now you need

I think that for now you need to sleep train BS to have white noise in the background. He really will get used to it and sooner than you think. They make white noise toys for babies. Have the kids share the room. OR have BS in that bed room all but on the SS days. That way you are at least getting good sleep while SS is not home.

So if we give bs the room and

So if we give bs the room and have them share a room when ss is hear what do we tell ss. Bm is always telling ss that dh does not love him as much now that bs is born. I just dont want it to seem like that in ss's mind. SS did not want to spend less time with us and he is very upset about the change. I just worry about ss feeling replaced. So how do we do it so knowone gets their feelings hurt?

You just tell SS that this is

You just tell SS that this is the kid room and yours is the grown up room. I think keeping it simple and not saying things like "We aren't doing this because we love you less.." You wind up putting thoughts in their heads. There are only 2 rooms and that is the only choice. you might say: BS is getting to big to sleep in with you and he is ready for the kid room now.

Sorry, but when someone pays

Sorry, but when someone pays CS to another parent, because that other parent is now custodial, then as far as I am concerned, the money for the room for the kid that only visits a few days a month is no longer required. If they had shared custody/kid spent equal amounts of time in each house, no CS was exchanged, fine. But when one parent receives the money for the month to support a kid and NO kid, unless they are special needs needs 700 x 2 a month to be supported, then that kid doesn't get their own room in your house. Your DH needs to understand that he is providing MORE for his other child than for the one living with him. That is unfair. Period.

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