It looks like its happening
Everything has been confirmed for Ss to join the facility next Sunday. My Dh told he would be taking Ss on a roadtrip, nothing else. Ss was very suspicious as expected. But my Dh lied through his teeth saying it was jut a trip. I can only imagine how this is going to blow up in our faces.
Ss has been improving. He has gained weight again. We don't even feel like celebrating it because we know he is going to lose it all plus some once he goes to the facility.
He has been hanging out with the two kids 2-3 times a week now. It just makes us feel worse to send him away. My Dh and I had a crying session the other day to get it out of our system. They facility told my Dh not to cry or apologize for sending Ss there. They offered us a transport van. We tried that last time. Ss was absolutely terrified and wet himself. We don't want to that again. Especially since the drive is longer.
It feels more real now because my Sh just came back with Ss new clothes. They can't have zippers, large buttons or drawstrings there. All my Dh was able to find were sweatpants and long sleeved shirts without a collar. Ss HATES sweatpants. He feels uncomfortable wearing them around others. And he never wears shirts without collars. I will be going to look for other clothes tomorrow. Just one more thing to make it more difficult 
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That is sweet idea Ripley. We
That is sweet idea Ripley. We made a mistake last time and gave him our letters during a weekend visit. He tore them up without reading them. But holding on to them until he gets older sounds nice. Hopefully he will still talk to us when he gets older
Thanks Lucy. We know its
Thanks Lucy. We know its purely for Ss's benefit. But we just can't stop ourselves from feeling bad. I hope he truly gets better and makes this heartache worth it.
How big are "large" buttons?
How big are "large" buttons? Could he maybe wear good old fashioned jeans with button fly?
I sure hope this goes ok. I feel terrible about the lies and worry SS will feel betrayed. Ugh. I don't envy you.
They said avoid any buttons
They said avoid any buttons that can be a choking hazard, which is pretty much everything I feel. Especially since there will be other children around. I wonder if they make jeans with a stretchy waist.
I don't think it is because
I don't think it is because of Ss that they say avoid buttons. It more about the other children. I think they had an incident of a more disabled child swallowing something and choking? They mentioned something but I forgot.
What about polo shirts? Worse
What about polo shirts? Worse case, you could always snip off the buttons..
That was what I was thinking.
That was what I was thinking. Thanks for the idea
I recommend that the van meet
I recommend that the van meet your SO and SS some where. It is going to be bad either way, have your SO drive him there is not going to make it any easier on either of them.
You are doing the right thing. Your SS needs more help then he can possibly get in your home. He has deep issues because of the abuse and he need to be around professionals that will be able to help him.
The plan is that they do fun
The plan is that they do fun stuff Friday evening and al of Saturday. Then on Sunday they drive up there without Ss knowing... This plans sounds worse every time I think about it.
I really hope this will help. And we don't end up with a child more angry than before.
So I haven't gotten thru all
So I haven't gotten thru all your blogs so I'm not entirely sure what is going on but it seems your SS is suffering and you are trying to get him help. I'm very sorry you are going through this.
I had a friend who lived in FL I live in VA. He called one night drunk out of his mind and sounded off his rocker he told me he had a loaded gun and was going to kill himself. I called the police in his area and they busted down his door and took him away. He was REALLY pissed at me for a long time. The very first phone call he was allowed to make from the facility was to curse me out. Fast forward 5 years. He called to tell me he was sorry for what he said to me and that he still loved me (we're just friends) and because of me his sons still have a dad. He is much better, medicated and continuing his therapy. I don't know how long he was actually in that facility but I've never regretted calling the police. Even if it meant he never talked to me again.
That is what you are doing for your SS you are saving his life. Yes he will probably tell you both he hates you...just tell him that's okay because you still love him. Ripley's idea is awesome and you should definitely do that. If you aren't already maybe you should seek counseling, I can't imagine the grief you are feeling it might help to talk with someone and sort out your feelings.
That was very brave of you.
That was very brave of you. And like you, we don't want Ss to hurt himself under our watch. We would never forgive ourselves. But it doesn't hurt any less sending him away
Maybe in a few years Ss will forgive us. I really hope so.
Praying, what you are doing
Praying, what you are doing is VERY hard. But to give your sson a chance at a good life or a meaningful life or a life at all means making hard decisions. The Big Picture to you guys is 10 yrs from now. The Big Picture for your sson is 'tomorrow'. He needs to find the skills to be better than his abuser ever considered and live a good meaningful life and not one of nightmares and fear. He needs the chance to 'shine'.
He will threaten to do all sorts of harm. But know he is watched and supervised. He will be OK. He will be angry for a while. But this is to rebel against 'giving in' in the past. In the past he gave in and surrendered to a horrific life. This time he needs to surrender for much healthier reasons.
Prays are with you, as always.
Hi oneoffour. What you said
Hi oneoffour. What you said is what my therapist said exactly. What you said about the Big Picture is so true. And the way you mentioned surrendering to a better life was perfectly put.
It is going to be a tough couple of months ahead.