StepMonster
Holy Crap. You ladies are dead on about this book.
I kept reading on here of people recommending the book. So I went to B&N and ordered it since they did not have it in stock. It came in two days ago and I have read the book cover to cover, highlighted in yellow everything that applied, had happened, feelings I have had etc.
I handed the book to DH last night when I was done with it and gave him an orange highlighter. He made it a chapter into it (basically the prologue) and came to me apologizing his keister off. That he can "see" exactly what has been going wrong for so many years.
He is finishing reading the book over the next few days, I did peek this morning, most of our highlighting is matching up almost exactly. I expect the chapter that explains how the dads feel will have alot more orange than yellow: but it will be interesting to see how much he does highlight in that chapter!! To effectively crawl inside his man brain and see what is going on in there!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the excellent recommendation!!
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Comments
Wow, you are brave. Most of
Wow, you are brave. Most of us just read the book in secret and continues to suffer the hurts silently. Maybe it is not too late to give DH a copy.
Very brave. I downloaded it
Very brave. I downloaded it my Nook so DH would not see it!!
I would honestly hand the
I would honestly hand the book to your husbands!!
One thing DH told me I really think applies "It's not JUST my kids. It seems ALOT of kids have these issues with their stepmothers. So it is not that you hate them or they hate you there is a large enough problem here doctors are studying it."
I really think him realizing it is not just "our" step situation that is messed up is helping his wrap his brain around not just the book, but the whole dynamics that have been going on within the house!
I also found the book
I also found the book life-changing. I did not have SO read it either. He's not illiterate, mind you, but just not really the type to read this kind of book. What it did do, though, was give me clear language to use in talking to him about our issues. It put all the general bad feelings I was having into cohesive terms. It helped me understand what I was seeing and it helped move things out of "you just hate my kid" territory.
I faded out through the biological processes part of the book, but there is more than enough in the rest of the book to make it beyond worthwhile.
Oh, I just remembered the other reason I didn't have SO read it. I love the book and the information is spot on, but some of the true life examples are either so minor or so over the top that I didn't want SO to think the information didn't apply to us.
I'm glad to hear DH is
I'm glad to hear DH is reading it too. My DH and I both read it too. However, the impact has worn off since this new trial is coming up. DH needs to re read it again!
This is a really good point.
This is a really good point. My SO has that expectation of me - that I should love SS "as my own" and I have never been able to verbalize why this is impossible, other than I just don't have the mystical bio-bond people have with their own children. But that hits the nail on the head - my SS knows he cannot love me as if I were his own mom. I can't love SS as my own because the relationship is not and can never be reciprocal in the way that a true parent-child bond is.
I am officially ordering Stepmom. I wonder if I can get SO to read it. He is also one of those "not a reader" types, but we'll see!!