new stepmother
I am 26 and recently had skids move in. There are 6 of them ranging from age 1 to 6. They don't listen. bedtime doesn't work, taking toys/electronics away doesn't work. time out in the corner of the room doesnt work because one of them peeled paint off the kitchen cabinet while on timeout. they have zero respect for me or my home. they climb on furniture, jump on beds, climbing fence in back yard to go in neighbor's yard, throwing rocks in the AC unit outside. They are always hungry, thirsty, bored, loud, messy, destructive, dirty, etc. I am terrified to see my electric and water bill. my grocery bill is already outrageous. i feel so selfish but i just want 30 minutes to myself with no interruptions. i dread coming out the bedroom in the morning because i know it's all about to start again and won't stop until midnight or later. never fails. the father works nights and i work days. i feel so selfish that my house and everything is getting messed up and i just want to be left alone from time to time. there are 3 baby mamas to deal with so that's already 3 different parenting styles and apparently none of them are working. these kids do not know how to behave or listen. i need advice or help. does it ever get better? am i doomed? is this what being a mother is about? if so, im not sure im fit for this.
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custody of 2, not sure when
custody of 2, not sure when the others will leave.
They are not in school right
They are not in school right now. thankfully, 4 of them left over the weekend. i still have two of them left though. Dealing with the mother is so hard. last night she asked me to take headshots of her kids daily (side and front view) and email her the pics daily so she knows her kids are okay. I refused to do that though. this is crazy.
Yes, that is crazy. It's
Yes, that is crazy. It's like she is making sure your not abusing them? I wouldn't put up with that. Tell the dad to do it. If he is working then he can get them put in day care. Leave it up to him to figure out where his kids go. Did you agree to be a free full time babysitter? Leave the house ... go do something you want to do. If he wants you to watch them he needs to ask not just assume your going to do it.
I am setting boundaries now with my husband and his role with his child. It's their problem - you can help but ... if you are willing to. There has to be boundaries ... you work too.
BHAHAHAHA!!!!
BHAHAHAHA!!!!
haha ... I like your comment.
haha ... I like your comment. I was a happy person and very kind until I became a stepmom.
lol thats funny!
lol thats funny!
I have to ask... Are you on
I have to ask... Are you on some serious birth control??? I would be terrified of having a child with this man.
Second- You need to tell your SO that the 2 you have custody of can be at the house but the other 4 can only be there when he is home. That will help. I can't believe that you don't know when the others are leaving...
i am happy they left. the
i am happy they left. the mother decided she needed a vacation and didn't think she would get that any other way besides disappearing. nevermind the rest of us have jobs and responsbilities. As long as she got was she needed...
yes I am on birth control. im wondering if i can even handle being a mother period at this point. i don't if i have it in me. its so rough for me. I went from single with no kids to this huge family in a matter of months. but nobody seems to want to give me time to adjust or get used to anything. everyone expects me to know everything about childhood automatically. i'm at the point to where if the mother is unhappy with how i am raising them...then come get them and be a mother to your own kids.
I just want to give you a
I just want to give you a hug! I wish I could say everything will be ok, but I don't think it will get better. I know what is not what you wanted to hear but here is what I can say:
-Everyone has baggage, you will never meet a "perfect" man, just hopefully someone perfect for you.
-If this is the perfect for you man, then you need to explain that going from 0 to 6 kids is beyond the scope of what any normal person can handle.
-If he wants you to be the "mother" figure than he has to be the REAL father and take control of the kids and their lives, not push it on you.
-He has to also give you the authority to discipline and teach these kids what your house rules are. Kids like consistency but they will play you if it makes them get out of doing something.
Good luck, and keep us posted on the progress. I am so glad that you are down to 2 now!
thank you for the virtual
thank you for the virtual hug! he has told me i can discipline them when they need it. he is more of a time out person and gives them chance after chance. he only spanks as a last resort which i agree with, we just disagree on when exactly the last resort is. i mean, if you are going to destroy property while on punishment, yes i believe you need to be spanked. maybe that will help the child remember the rules. i have only seen him spank her one time and was because she refused to listen to me. it took an entire day of her not listening and acting ridiculous. i've tried expressing i want more time with him but our schedules are opposite right now. he is working nights and i'm working days so we don't feasbily have alot of free time right now anyway. i know this is selfish of me, but every time the both of us have a little extra time, it always goes to the kids. we don't get to go out just the two of us anymore. we haven't went out alone once time since the kids got here. the two he has custody of got here about a month and a half ago. i get that its all about the kids but im just asking for a date night or something. i miss adult conversation. i miss parts of my old life. There are good things about having the kids there but its so few and far between right now. the kids want to challenge my authority and everything else. to make things that much more stressful, i have a pup that just got spayed on friday and so im trying to keep the kids from hurting her on accident and make sure her stitches stay clean and all. i dont get to see the man i fell in love with anymore. all i see are his seeds.
You need to find a reliable
You need to find a reliable babysitter! Having time with you and SO is essential to keeping your relationship together. If you don't have grown up time you guys wont make it... Stress to your SO how important it is. Maybe he has a friend at work or even if you do that can come watch the kids while you have a date night.
get out now.
get out now.
lol the situations are very
lol the situations are very similar! its so hard and im so unsure of myself. i want to try to help teach them to be good people but i have my own style of "parenting" and then each biological parent has their own style. everytime the kids come back from the mom, they are out of control and wild and don't listen. it drives me nuts. then i have to hear it from the mother and the father. but nobody wants me to get upset about anything. if i even begin to look irritated i catch attitude from the father saying im being too impatient. so when i cant take it anymore, i take my dogs for a nice long walk by myself.
yes i am 26 and bought my
yes i am 26 and bought my home when i was 25. i focused on college and getting a career started. he helps with some of the financial stuff. times are hard. i feel like the nanny though. i feel like all i do is work and babysit. i lost my whole social life. i know its selfish, but i want to go out and have fun and enjoy life. i want to be able to up and leave whenever i feel like it without having to get kids ready and dressed/settling fights/etc. i love kids but i guess on a case by case basis lol.
i only have to deal with one
i only have to deal with one BM on a regular basis. the other two mothers do not live in the state. so the kids only visit once in a while. hopefully a long while apart. yes, i feel i am going insane! i just dealt with the BM last night. she actually asked me to take pics of her kids daily and email her so she can see they are okay. i just hate my life right now. maybe its just a rough adjustment period or maybe im just too young for this and not ready. idk
^^ TRUE!
lol wow! i am an attractive
lol wow! i am an attractive person lol and he tells me all the time i can do better than him.
yes i have. i have
yes i have. i have researched it. we cant get married because child support will come after my check too. not going to happen. im not going to risk my home or anything else i worked hard for. sorry to be selfish but its mine. i put in the time, money, effort, etc and I am not sharing it unless I am legally married. I know realistically we wont be together forever. but he treats me good and helps take care of me. i been on my own since i was 16 and have had a rough life and some bad past relationships. he treats me better than any other guy has.
Whyyy? You have a choice to
Whyyy? You have a choice to have immediate peace. Get your house back. Your boyfriend and his kids are taking it over. No way would I have had him move his kids into my home. Please get your life back and at the least, move everyone out and date while he has his own place. Personally though, I would RUN!!!!
OMG - that is crazy and you
OMG - that is crazy and you are so young.
HOLY BATFLAPS GRANDMA!!
HOLY BATFLAPS GRANDMA!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN run for your life!!!!!
Seriously, that's too much. There is no way I would have been with anyone with more than one baby mamma. I dated a guy who told me he'd been married twice but only had kids with the first one. Then a few weeks later it turns out he'd been married 6 times with 7 kids (he was ten years old than me) oh hell to the no. I dropped him like a hot potato.
Easier said then done and I'm
Easier said then done and I'm sure you love him and don't wanna hurt him but girl.....GET OUT!!! You are doomed for the rest of your relationship, wait till those shits get older and ruder and out of control and 15 and pregnant then you will have those kids and their grandkids all living with you. Your hair will be gray and you will have wrinkles by 30!!!!
I cannot stress it enough, GET OUT!!!! you have your whole life ahead of you and it will be peaceful, no baby mama drama so babysitting 24/7.
things were so much better
things were so much better when it was just us. i feel like we have no time for us. i guess i am too selfish. i want to have alone time to enjoy myself. sorry, i like sex and an not getting nearly as much as i want with all these kids running around. lol even though sex is the reason all these kids are here! seriously though, we dont have time to go out as just adults. i want to eat out at a restaraunt that doesnt have a playplace or crayons on the table. i want to be able to go out and truly enjoy myself. not wiping noses and settling fights. we went to a friendly gathering BBQ at a park the other day and I didn't even get to enjoy myself because i had to keep an eye on them. i think the mothers get screwed. the fathers get to enjoy themselves and drink and party and mingle while the mothers are on the sidelines taking care of the kids. i wanna be one of the guys.
Your last comment tells me a
Your last comment tells me a lot. Why are you the one watching the kids at the picnic? Like you said, everyone expects you to automatically know how to parent. Well your boyfriend has had several years to get used to parenting.
Seriously, this whole relationship just sounds so one sided. What exactly does he bring to this besides helping you a little bit financially? It seems to me that what little he may be giving to help the household is swallowed up by costs for his kids, be it necesssary items or repairs to your house that are only needed because his kids have done the damage.
What is so wonderful about this guy?
Why on earth were you having
Why on earth were you having to keep an eye on them? :? Was your SO not there?
I just got married with only
I just got married with only one step kid. I know it's hard but run the other way as fast as you can. I didn't see it coming and feel trapped. I married the man already ... biggest mistake of my life ... for the sole purpose of the step kid.
I always swore to myself I would never marry someone with kids! I broke my own rule and now I am paying for it with my life. No exaggeration.