I've been reading comments on this site for the past 6 months and I've been commiserating with many of the posters.

I've been angry at my bf, his ex-wife, and his kids, ever since I've met the kids and had to deal with his ex's inability to take care of the children. Since I've been in this relationship, my hair is turning gray at an accelerated rate, those closest to me avoid me (my friends and family), and I've lost a life of my own. I've been so angry and focused on my bf and trying to fix the mess that came with his divorce and his spoiling his kids that I no longer take care of myself.

But, I've come to realize that this is what I do. I've always known that I have a tendency to "fix" my boyfriends. I feel like I'm doing them a favor. And, for the most part I have. I've gotten my exes on better financial footing, better educated, healthy, and more independent. I've come to think that my purpose in life is to make better husbands for other women. I spend the time and the energy "fixing" them, then I get so frustrated from thinking about how they were and how I am so under appreciated that I dump them, then they go on to find someone else as a financially stable and healthy individual.

It's me though. And, I've just come to that realization after meeting with my therapist for one session. I find people to fix and get frustrated because I'm making them better, but I have to go through the agony of doing so. But, before I was playing in the little league. Dealing with bfs without kids or baggage was a cakewalk compared to what I deal with now.

Now, I have four people that I'm trying to change - my bf, his ex, and their two children. All of them were a mess before I came along (this is what I thought and still think for the most part in my head). My bf can't say no to his ex for fear that she'll threaten that he can't see the kids. This is a laugh because she never wants to see the kids. She spent their whole marriage in school trying to get different degrees and dumped him once she started working (like 14 years after the rest of society) but he's paying for her car, plus 90% of the kids expenses even though she makes 90k per year!! Plus, he's got the kids more than 50% of the time! WTF!! The ex can't keep a schedule, so she can't pick up her kids on time if at all because she's always "sick" and can't have them around her. And the kids. They're sweet when they get what the want. But, when that doesn't happen, the complaining, whining, and negotiating start and doesn't cease. My bf tunes them out, but unfortunately, I don't have that superpower, so I hear everything that goes on. It drives me nuts. Then, I spend days trying to figure out how to get my bf to "fix" them, because, really, no one wants to be around spoiled kids.

But now, it's all going to change. I'm putting myself first. I'm detaching from the mess. It's not mine to clean up. It's not my responsibility. It's my bf's responsibility to hear his children. It's his responsibility to deal with his ex and make sure that she understands boundaries. I will not be a babysitter for either of them. The kids are theirs. I'm keeping my finances separate. I'm going to spend time with friends and family. I'm going to try to the best of my ability to let them handle their own sh**. I'm no longer changing my schedule for anyone. I'm no longer worrying about anyone but myself. If my bf makes bad choices, I have the choice to reassess the relationship. His actions are his own.