I think your relationship could be clocked with an egg timer. You want to just "set aside" the issues. Um, ok. Let's see how that works for you.
1. You will be living at least HALF of your time with a child you despise, and you clearly cannot comprehend that he is ONLY THREE. You seem to think your poor TWO year old is a victim, but do not realize that at THREE the SS is not a bully. He's a baby.
2. You are a grown woman with a child who will be living in someone else's home...and this "someone else" has ALREADY laid out a plan for "if" you don't last.
He must be f'n awesome in bed, because I see no other benefit to you OR your child here.

Bedrooms are the least of your worries.

Stay in your apartment and let your SO move to the house with his two kids. When SO asks why, tell him why you think your son should have his own bedroom and demonstrate to him how important it is to you (by letting him move without you). It sounds simple to me. Full time children (regardless of step or bio) should have their own bedroom over children who are there part time.

If that was the case, that it would be his and your house TOGETHER,then then you would have control over the bedrooms, but you don't have control..why? Because it's not your house..He will let you "play" house, but really you and your son will just be guests...
And personally I wouldn't move in anywhere where my son would be "ganged up" on.. sorry, no dick is worth that!

I think you should approach him on this subject soon. Simply state it doesn't make sense your son is with you fulltime and the others are guests, along with being half brothers, in addition to his kids tag teaming him.

Don't let this be a deal breaker for you.

SMH what ever happened to if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. I'm so sick of seeing some attack others on this site.

This is a hard one. If you decide to take some people's advice and stay in your own apartment, then I am afraid that if you do become even more involved with this guy (marriage talk), then it will be even harder if you decide to move in later.

Because if he moves in with his kids, then kiddos will each have their own rooms. And it will then be your kiddo who will be left out, and not have his own real personal space in "their" rooms.

I would have a serious talk with this guy, a real heart to heart. If he sees this being truly long term, then your son who is there full time, deserves to have his own room. A child that is there only 4 days a month, most likely has his own room at his mothers home.

A child that you have 50 percent of the time, I am assuming has his own rooms at his mothers home as well. Your child who you have full time will not be allowed that same luxury anywhere???

Hopefully he will be reasonable, and take your considerations to heart. If not, then I would unfortunately have to look at the future.

OK, this poster is right. Actually, I think almost everything that's been posted, that you're calling judgemental and mean is right. Hell, I don't agree with SAF 75% of the time but she hit the nail on the head with this one.

DO NOT MOVE.

If it's HIS house, let HIM move into it. You and your son stay in your apartment.

When he puts a ring on your hand, THEN you can move.

AND your son is the only kid there full time. If there's a separate room for one it should be him.

OR all 3 boys in one room (Brady Bunch style) and the third bedroom is home office or something.

This is not an attacking post. I promise. I just want to point out that you said in your own opening post that you are afraid it won't feel like your home because technically it's his. I know my SO moved into my house and he still often refers to it as my house, even when I correct him every time.

So this is one of your first talking points with SO. The lease, the joint tenancy on the deed, whatever it takes for it to feel equitable and give you a REAL say in what goes on in the house (I mean real things; not just decorating decisions).

Second, a calm discussion about whether it makes sense for someone who is there 13% of the time to have his own room and the kids who are there 100% and 50% of the time to not have their own room.

Third, and I know this wasn't your question yet, is a long and detailed discussion of house rules and consequences. I mean seriously nitpicky detail, with everything possible spelled out and maybe even in writing. If there's one thing all of us here have learned, bio-dads may talk the talk and think they are sincere and on the same page as SM, but the walk they walk is very different.

I like the ideas posters have of getting a four bedroom house, or having him put your name on the deed.

If he says he's willing to pay all the bills, I would keep him to his word. Don't pay anything and save your money.

That way if things go south you'll have a nice nest egg to fall back on.

The owner of the house has the final say in who shares a room.

This guy is smart. He isn't pretending that love is enough. He is protecting himself and his sons.

If he is willing to let you live rent free, why not move into a larger apartment for two years? During that time you could repair your credit. Once you fix your credit,the two of you could apply for a loan together.

i have posted before about moving in together, some of you have jumped back and told me that's a bad idea blah blah. I get it. Set that aside for now.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Well most people just ignored this huh? LOL.

First off, I would want to know why he wants the only kid not there much, to have the room by themselves? That makes not sense at all!. What did you tell him when he said something that dumb?

Your scenario is the only way to go. How can he not see that?

To the point, I agree with you that a child that is in the house full-time, irregardless of whose house it is SHOULD have their own room. The other two who are part-timers, who are also brothers half or otherwise doesn't matter, can share a room.

When my BF and I get married it has already been settled and agreed that my S8 who will be living with us full time will have his own room and SS11 who is EOWE and 2 hours every Wedn (if he even comes over) will have an air mattress in the living room.

I skipped half the posts....didn't see many positive ones.

Personally I did something similar to what you are describing.

We bought a three bedroom ranch. Ss was 3 he got a room, dd baby got a room, sd8 and dd7 shared a den. The problem was skids were every other weekend. I had a bedroom that did not get used and a sd pissed she was sharing a 15x20 room with dd. Eventually sd complained too many times and I opened up one to many my daughter is a victim from bm.....and DD room was moved to ss room. The Den was used as a den except 4 days a months and then ss slept there and sd moved into s second utility room/ dh hobby room by her choice she needed space.

Now was that the wisest move? No the house needed one more bedroom.
Sd and SS could have and should habe shared a space. We were NCP.

Honestly in your situation, the children there the most get rooms. I would suggest ss2 have a room, and the other two share. Or you make one sleeping room and one toy room. Is ss5 starts off with his own bedroom. What happens as the boys age. Ss will feel displaced if he has to give up his room.

I would suggest you sit down with SO and talk put not just now, but future impacts. He is seeing that the kids closest to age room together and not seeing a room sitting empty 95% of the time.

Good luck blending is hard and you spend years where its not successful.

Here's what I would do, #1 - your kid should get his own room there's no question about that. But the real issue here is the fact that this is HIS house. Been divorced twice. Honey, they will buy you diamonds, furs and Bentleys but when they decide they want to move on, they'll try and take them from you to give it to the next bitch. Sub-lease your apartment. ALWAYS have a back up. If it is TRUE that this is BOTH of yours home, ask that your name appear on the deed. You don't need to be on the mortgage in order to appear on the deed. If he hesitates at that request, you'll have your answer & know what his true intentions are.

This man is amazing. So amazing .... that he doesn't work at stopping his sons from picking on a 2 yr old. So amazing he has Plan B all sorted out.... which inclues him continuing to live in the house with a do-able mortagage on his own. So amazing he allows you to decorate to your hearts content....which can be changed to HIS hearts content with a few cans of paint and a couple of rugs.

The bottom line is this .... he doesn't see your son as an equal member of the unit. His sons are valued enough to get their own spaces. Your son is either considered too young to notice he doesn't qualify or your AMAZING bf is telling you how things will be. His sons qualify for permenent status and your son doesn't.

Consider 20 yrs time if the status quo continues. These boys continue to bully your son half his life and double trouble every 2nd weekend. Will he thank you for giving him such an amazing father figure? A man who will not allow him his own 100% personal space? A man who does nothing to teach his sons to behave honourably, starting with cutting out the tag team behaviour.

If your son DID have his own personal space at least he could retreat from the tag team. This way he doesn't and will continue to get picked on.

And don't even get me started on your AMAZING bfs whiney attitude about YOUR apartment not feeling like 'home'.

I personally believe that when we are in that new "in love" feeling-- we personally just don't want to believe what others may be trying to warn us about/ are able to see that we love-blind people CHOOSE not to see. Let me give you a quick example- from my life- to give you an idea of what I mean:
When I met my now DH, him & BM had been split up for over two years. Lived in different states even. Except- & this is the biggie: they weren't legally divorced yet. Of course I asked a lot of questions, like do you want her back? Does she want you back? Etc. He of course, told me that they had a "financial agreement only & the love was gone on both sides" & that they didn't do the divorce yet because DH has a really good career with really good benefits & she was starting her new business & it would be difficult for her to afford Health Ins & all. But that they both agreed that when either wanted to move in in a serious relationship, they would amicably do the easiest divorce known to man. Lmgao. My naive, always wanting to see the good in everyone self, believed him whole- heartedly. People tried to warn me, but I thought it was all okay, ESP since they did do legal separation. I believed his words.

Well.... The divorce got strawn out for a very lengthy time. I saw with my own eyes things that would've made any other rational person run like hell. But by the time I realized it, that they were indeed talking to each other, behind mine & her finances back, it was too late & I loved the guy!!! & yes, his kids too. I went thru a lot of pain because of him & BMs lies & deceptions.

Now- do I WISH someone woulda stopped my foolish ass back then, back in the " early days" of dating? Hell yes!!! But there is exactly my point--I was so in love that had you told me I was gonna get hurt & then get depressed-- I would NOT have believed you. BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WANNA HERE IT/BELIEVE IT!

So yes, when I first read the comments- yes at first I thought " Geesh- they are sure being harsh on her"
I then thought back to me way back then over the moon in love with this guy- id be just as upset as you were as we'll. Yes, perhaps some things could've been said with more tact, but I feel they had you & your sons best interest at heart.

Now- my thoughts on your bedroom dilemma. Yes- your child is a full time resident. He gets his own room. My DD8 is out full time here- she got her own room. My eldest SS got his own room (14) & SS11& SS9 share the other room. But my happiness came the day we brought all the kids to see the house - it was my DH he told all the kids with no prompting from me at all, that my DD8 got her own room & he even gave her the biggest of the kids rooms!!!! I was all prepared to stake claim to that exact room for her anyways & on the drive there- I was kinda nervous but was gonna hold my ground no matter what. Of course my SS11 ( only 1 that gives me trouble) thru a ginormous fit- acted like a darn 2 yr old. DH stood his ground- which only made me love him more. His reasoning? She lives her Full Time!!!! I concur.

I am a bit worried as well. Just based on my gut feeling that your man might be trying to Aline himself in his own best interests- only because of his comment of - if it doesn't work out I can afford it on my own. Uh oh. When you feel love is right- you don't plan for the "ifs". Please just have a long talk with him. Men are dumb dumb dumb sometimes & say stupid things!!! Perhaps he just made a blunder. But. Just please take care of you & your son & protect you guys.

In love- we all have to take that leap of faith to take things to the next level. Just make sure you ate both jumping in equally!!!