Funny child support story - Winter is coming
This isnt our story, it is a friend's story, but it is beginning to resonate with me, and will definitely resonate with everyone here. But a warning should be issued ahead if time, as the content is extremely morbid.
We have a friend, who has a girlfriend. They are tall, sweet and funny. They moved here recently from out of state and love this area so much they want to settle down. They are extremely in love and are even shopping for a home in a very expensive, gated neighborhood. She is successful as a nurse, and he has his own business that is doing well. Cue the dramatic violins.
Well, she just discovered she is pregnant. Congratulations are in order! And he just got sent a text of a woman holding an infant from a girl he had a 1-night stand with a few years ago. You see, this relationship is so new, they are in love, and well, he only has 1 other child, that they knew about, and that he is paying $600 monthly child support on. And this same woman who texted him also texted his pregnant fiance the same thing.
My heart goes out to the sweet Nurse! She should be able to enjoy her new baby, plus her success, and their love, but instead is going to be shackled down by not 1 but 2 baby mommas and their unexpected progeny. And she is fairly young and optimistic.
Am I wicked bad, by thinking, "at least she will not have to deal with Toxic Baby Mommas nor will she have to deal with the kids themselves, at least not for now?" This whole marrying a divorced dad thing is really getting me down and twisting my normally optimistic outlook to one of perpetual doom and gloom.
As I research the Child Support Game of Thrones, I am starting to begin to understand what we have experienced thus far is only the tip of the iceberg. There will be years of "Im going to ask for a modification of child support order" threats held over our heads. Wage garnishments. Money requests. "the child support doesnt really cover haircuts and winter coats and I had to use it to fix my new car so I can go to work, and can you fix, loan, give give give me? So I wont take you back to court? Plus there is this thing called Medical Support orders I am reading about that is completely separate. And ToxicTroll is always about medicating and going to doctors. And she has a work injury and may have to go on disability, and her job is threatening to lay her off for too much missed time (hangovers are bad for work records, doncha know?)
I feel bad, but its cold today, and I told Munchkin that we cannot turn on heater, and will have to start wearing our socks and sweaters. Wont be able to heat the house much anymore! Told sweety he needs to catch the fish, we need to stock up the freezer with food. Winter is coming!
- CLove's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
One question. If it was a few
One question. If it was a few years ago, why is she holding an infant? Old picture? Please tell me he did a paternity test before establishing anything!!!
Its worse.
She texted. And then silence.
Childless me
considers infant 1-3...? What is that? Toddler or something?
I think? That’s a good
I think? That’s a good question... I didn’t get the skids until they were 3 and 7. So maybe I just don’t know either. Lol. I think toddler? Idk when someone says newborn I just picture a swaddled child. But maybe that’s my no bio kid brain too!
radio silence... That’s a bit terrifying... Next time they hear is going to court probably...
I do believe there was a time
I do believe there was a time when my DH had enough of the begging and told BM that if she needed so much money to take care of the skids, then maybe it was time for DH to have full custody and take over all of that stress. That shut her up.
How you handle the upcoming winter is up to you. Since you know its coming and somewhat know what to expect, why not just give up playing nice, and tell her like it is. TELL and show her about the new normal. I know you have said you done with all extras and you should have cut that off long ago IMO as I learned that life got better when DH was able to do that. Munchkin is old enough to know facts now and given your long story, I wouldn't be surprised if she asked to move in at 16 if not sooner. All that money you saved not sending BM's way will then be put to good use when you need it.
I also found great satisfaction in guiding DH into teaching SD18 about her mother's ways. Once he started, the stories came out easier and they actually could commiserate on similarities. I take great satisfaction that BM didn't win with SD18.
This court battle is still fresh and will take a few to get over but you will find a silver lining to exploit. Its there, you will find it . We went through losing a big one too.
Silver Lining Exploitation
There are two ways I see right now. Short lived, but still satisfying:
1. small delays here and there. small amounts to dribble in. And Winter is coming, child will need new coat and maybe rainboots. And a haircut soon. And new pants.
2. The best revenge is like the quote in the movie "the dark knight rises": Miranda Tate: You see, it's the slow knife, the knife that takes it's time, the knife that waits years without forgetting, then slips quietly between the bones, that's the knife, that cuts deepest."
Munchkin and I will continue having a positive relationship. ToxicTrolls bad behavior will continue, as her darkness grows, and the grossness of the dark, dank and dirty apartment grows. Then, at 16 (emancipation!) or even at 18, the light will shine again, and Ill wait for the days of teenagerdome, when ToxicTroll WILL lose her temper, or ToxicTroll runs out of men, as her weight increases, and any dude that comes along is going to be as toxic as she is, and Munchkin will see how her mother is, as she grows up and realizes and loses those daughter-blinders... thats the knife that will cut deepest.
SD18 aged out this past June.
SD18 aged out this past June. When I pulled up his final tally, it was over $156,000. Now, I don't know what your DH will end up paying but If men knew when they started paying, how much this could end up being, I believe it would guarantee that they would not pay extras and hold BM's accountable for CS and alimony being sent their way. DH was shocked and sick for a few weeks after that knowledge sunk in. Our silver lining was that the revenge that BM led all actions with ended up costing her $6000-8000 a year as she refused to refinance the house and put it in her name until the very last minute. (interest rates from early 2000's) She has nothing to show for it but a dumpy house. Gotta love it when they sabotage themselves with their own revenge!
Do you know
Do you knoww them well unough to know if they have gotten a DNA test? There coul be a chance that it is not his and she is "daddy shopping."
She went radio silent
After text. So, yes, she is "daddyshopping" at this point.
That really sucks.
That really sucks. She has a limited time to decide whether to tie herself to this guy for life. I hope she pushes him HARD to locate this woman and demand a DNA test by filing a petition to determine paternity if necessary. If he is unwilling to do that and just wants to "see what happens" I would be counseling her to cut all ties with him NOW. He is not a good long term risk.
I feel for that nurse,
I feel for that nurse, finding out that her "soul mate" is woefully stupid and will likely be impoverished for the rest of his life because he doesn't like to wrap it up. Hopefully she left him, moved back near family, and found a smarter, unencumbered soul mate with whom she could build a future.
You can always rely on Survivingstephell for sound advice. She knows all about moneygrubbing BMs and navigating the financial pitfalls of steplife. I agree that life gets better when our DHs stop being ATMs and start saying no. Munchkin is still a bit young, but can be told in an age appropriate way that the judge has ordered Mom should be the one to buy what she needs instead of Dad and decided how much money Dad gives Mom for that. You can count on BM badmouthing your DH and you to Munchkin, so in time you and your DH will have to get on the same page about handling that.
Just a caveat - should your DH ever get custody, BM will scream bloody murder when asked to pay even a few dollars for anything. It's the nature of the pathetic beast.
Ah yes the daddy shoppers.
Ah yes the daddy shoppers. MAKES ME SICK.
Anyway back to you clove....clove. IF you want to buy clothing for your house that is OK...but goodness stop buying stuff for Bm' house. She has CS and alimony. BM has a duty to support her child. IF she send her kid to school in a summer jacket in winter YOU must let BM take any back lash she may bet.
IF you decide to cover UP for BM (no pun) then you must stop being upset because BM is a awful provider for her kid with dh money. Sooo can you see this you are triple paying. DAD give cs DAD pays bm for post divorce support...NOW your running out and spending more money.
That is not helping anyone but hurthing your family. Maybe you never thought about it a triple paying for a coat and clothing but you are.
Leave your coats at your house....bm can provide for her kid...IF school reports her and they should for not sticking proper clothing on for weather, she can answer to cps for that one.
Something to think about.
our house, her house
Its a very strange twist in this very sick and twisted "step hell". Munchkin has always gotten flak for taking and leaving stuff at her mothers. NOW with ToxicTroll and HomelessTroll living in the same apartment, Munchkin doesnt even WANT to bring things over because they "dissappear forever". She changes at our house, perfers showering at our house, keeps her art supplies at our house, etc... and winter coats need to go over there.
I guess I need to readjust my thinking a bit. Like what is our "new normal" going to look like. How will this affect us day-to-day, and what adjustments we will need to make.