For both I would say selfishness and entitlement. Everything that is theirs and theirs and everything that is everyone else's is theirs also. They both have the attitude that they are better than others just because they exist and everyone else is just there do be used as they please.

Why does your wife allow the behavior?

The annoyances can be fixed. Ex stays outside, set that boundary. Skids learn manners, set that boundary. 

However their general attitude cannot be fixed. I have found, and it is prevalent here, that most skids are entitled and selfish.  It seems to come from poor parenting either on one or both sides. That will not go away. For me I just ignore it and let their parents handle and/or deal with the consequences of it. And at the same time I make sure my bios know and understand that it is not acceptable. 

It can be done. Successfully living happily with skids and exes. However it will take setting boundaries, speaking up and making sure their drama never interferes with your life. But in order for that to work the biological parent has to actually parent and put the relationship first. 

Kids? Can't really think of anything that's not typical of children. I guess more than anything it's the complete awareness of personal space / surroundings BUT it's not malicious or rude just still learning the world doesn't revolve around them.

BM- the mother of the year act. The MY KIDS crap while she can't even say one nice thing about her child because she only sees the monster she created in her home.

thinking skills, as adults aged 22 & 20 still expect daddy pay for everything. Ss20 lacks any manners when eating or out or even when we have guests come over. He fidgets to the point family notice he doesn’t want to be around but he still wants to come along to whatever event.

he is never on time and expects everyone wait for him and cater to his every whim with no consideration of others

he has excuses for everything, refuses to do chores, dumps his rubbish on kitchen floor next to bin where ants can come.

the sd22 & sd13 feel they take precedence over me ws mum to my 2 toddlers and feed my daughter chocolates when at a family wedding wearing a nice dress, feed them in a car when they know our kids are really car sick and i’m the baddy shouting no and they feel they can answer back with “ok i’ll just give a little”. It takes everything in me to not shout “NO MEANS NO!!”.

exwife she created the PAS and spread lies about hubby and me (she has never met me but made all kinds of allegations like she was an expert on me), she lied to the daughters and they knew it but then they tell daddy we want to be a family but do a 360 saying we can’t be a family because mummy said you did this and this.... right so you just admitted your mum lied alot, but we can’t be a family because your mum said blah blah blah which you know is already lies.... they lack critical thinking skills

they also expect hubby taxi them around everywhere and hubby expects i just sit there all smiles compromising for everyone as a third wheel

im enjoying these answers very much

What annoys (ok more than annoys..I cannot be in the same room as him) me about SS: he is completely lazy and has the manners of a barnyard animal (except animals are much cuter). He's a victim so therefore has no accountability. He does not regularly turn in his homework. He does nothing athletic at all. He eats nonstop and has gone from a normal cute skinny kid to disgusting fatass, due to his own laziness. Most of all, he does not appreciate anything anyone does for him especially his dad. He has a high pitched giggle and he laughs at his phone while he listens to stupid you tube videos or whatever it is. When he is in my house, which is thankfully only like once a month, I have to leave. Oh and he recently stole from my DH (charging stupid x-box games on his credit card) and lied about it.

What enrages/disgust me about his mother: she is a condescending bitch to my DH. Yes I get there's a history - my ex is not my favorite person but even he does not deserve to be treated that way like he doesn't matter at all to our kids. She is unable to love her kids more than she hates her ex husband.  She holds Lardass accountable for nothing, and this is why he does nothing. And she has that oh poor me I'm a victim attitude. She gets close to $7000 a month including maintenance, which thankfully is only for one more year (then it's just like $1000 in CS for Lardass). She makes excuses for everything. I've met her only once and never see her but I truly hate her. I can't wait to see what happens when the maintenance ends because her job is a joke and she's insisted on holding onto their huge house - she will run into financial ruin because she's an idiot who can't plan and feels she is entitled.

I CANT EVEN!

I wouldn't even have time to go on & on but BM & the skids have a lot of the same annoying traits. Apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

Grunting, snorting and holding a fork like he's at a Rennaisance fair.  UGH!

What annoys me about BM is that she changes plans at her whim without discussion. What annoys me is SO lets her. Rarely calls her on it and NEVER makes her (or face it - the kids) suffer the consequences. I get why he wants to shield the kids from the consequences of her actions, but it's blowback on me, my son and really his kids, too. BUT his tolerance and go-with-the-flowness is one of the things that I love about him and in our day to day we have a very peaceful (yet hot!!) home life. What disturbs me about BM is her sense of entitlement, black and white thinking, dangerous and explosive temper and her suspected BPD. 

What annoys me about my stepkids? Nothing and everything. I mean I could list the annoying behaviour du jour, but they aren't bad people, they're dealing with very difficult circumstances at BM's and one of them is almost a teenager and is getting a serious case of stupid coming on. Also, I am empowered to reprimand and discipline - so I can tell SS1 to can it and I can tell SS2 to stop being silly to deliberately provoke and annoy (me, my son, his brother). I get backed up by SO in public and if he doesn't like something, he'll tell me in private. In reality, they are no better and no worse than BS - they just have different sets of great qualities and crap qualities. I'm looking forward to seeing them later today. 

What annoys me about SD: selfishness, entitlement, manipulations, lies 

What annoys me about BM: her golden uterus syndrome,selfishness, lies, entitlement, manipulations,the need to control everyone and every situation, the need of wanting to know everything that happens in our house, the victim play, 

What annoys me about my DH : victim play, letting SD and BM get away with everything they do and allowing it to even happen, the double standard. 

What annoys me about me: putting myself and my children in this mess, allowing it to continue, I should have set boundaries from the start, being naive . 

SD7 is a fairly good kid, but there are some things that annoy the hell out of me. 

She plays the "mom" card up with me a lot when she wants to benefit from it. IE if she seems her brother (my 15-month-old son) getting attention, she tries to take it by going "mommy i love you so much" meanwhile, she never ACTS like she loves me, especially if DH isn't around. She just ignores me until she can benefit from me. 

She's fairly spoiled. She was the first grandkid and all of DH's side treat her better than any of the other kids. She's always had two christmases. Every birthday, her aunts/uncles come visit and take her out and spoil her. She's just used to getting a lot so she doesn't often show appreciation. Christmas made me feel uneasy because she came home from opening a bunch of gifts at BMs and opened the ones at our house.

She didn't say thank you until prompted 15 minutes AFTER opening everything. Then she went ahead and said "well, I got a few of the same things at BMs" and later said "Did you know theres an LOL surprise doll house? It's HUGE" and I said "yeah, you just got a bunch of toys tho" and she kept hinting at it until I finally said "SD, you're not getting anything else you just had 2 christmases."

AND lastly, she does this weird thing where she acts like I'm a monster! If DH takes the kids downstairs on the weekend so I can sleep in or if I go out grocery shopping, the second I walk into MY living room, she gets this scared, worried look and runs around trying to clean up the huge mess she's made or runs to the table to clear her snack mess. Like, the most I'll do is say "SD, clean your mess please" so why the dramatics? It makes me uncomfortable being treated like a big bad monster in the home I PAY FOR. 

ETA... BM doesn't really annoy me anymore. She used to, but now I realize she just doesn't want to be a mother. She's an alright person, actually, I think we'd get along if we weren't in this situation. She's very, very real and down to earth. Sometimes I feel for her because my husband is such a moral person and she is obviously not, so she's always felt really judged by him. She's got this strange inability to love, and of course, my husband looks down on her for it (which I totally get) but it's just who she is and part of her crappy mental health. 

Hate it when they regurgiatate s*** Psycho has fed them.

Hate dealing with Psycho in general. High conflict druggie PITA.

What annoys me about SS24- Blows his nose super loud and leaves snotty kleenex over the place, and leaves his dirty clothes and wet used bath towels crumpled on the toilet after he showers- thank god this one doesn't live with us anymore- but he is now annoying in his need to bring BM into every conversation- and make sure there is a peice of cake for her from dad's bday party.

What annoys me about SS22- His moodiness, his sneakiness, his kleptomaniacal behaviors, his drug use, his neediness, his criminal behavior, his bleeding his dad dry of any cash for bullsh*t, his talking to the animals so loud I can't hear the news, his entitlement, selfishness, his sense that the whole world owes him something and his utter inability to be grateful for ANY of the myriad of good things in his life, and gifts he is given, the way that, no matter how generous, loving, affectionate, attentive and empathic his dad is, he is  never, ever good enough, the way he plays the victim in every circumstance, and I am annoyed by his sheer laziness and emotional weakness. 

BM- She is a criminal, an enabler, pumps her useless sons up with sunshine up their a$$es about how special and beautiful and brilliant and moral they are, when they are just greedy, self invovled resource-sucks, annoyed by her need  to keep in regular contact with her ex about every little thing that goes on in the lives of their adult sons, her inabiity to let go of her EXH and move on- let go of his family. Move on. Another person who  plays the victim, is entitled to everything, thinks the whole workd owes her something and has zero self awareness, makes zero contributions- Just uses and exploits other people until there is nothing else she can shake out of them. 

SS10 is overall a good kid and means well, but he's got the worst habits. Bad table manners and etiquette in general: eating a bag of chips-licks his fingers and offers you a chip from licked fingers; smacking his lips while eating; wiping his nose with his sleeve or hand and then wiping it on his pants...habits that make me gag. He'll come back from his mom's house smelling like a gym sock and he doesn't notice the smell. However he is never malicious and these little things that annoy me are just things I think most kids go through if they were never taught better, and he definitely was not taught a damn thing. Also competes with DS2 for love and affection. My own son doesn't even cuddle me as much as my SS does!

The Ex-Wife: Entitled and dependent. Can't get a job by herself (my MIL had to hook her up with one of her clients), doesn't pay for anything (spends her money on hair, nails, traveling with her bf, buying her son's love), goes back and forth between living with her boyfriend and staying with my MIL (my MIL is an enabler btw and allows this bullshit to happen), does not parent her son and apparently likes to screech at him (according to SS10), uses me as a babysitter, is generally a friggin' idiot-OH I can go ON and ON about the ex!! The only redeeming quality is that she's quite civil with me; probably because she needs me to play babysitter when she's off making money or going out with her bf.

Me: Same as another poster said-ANNOYED for falling into this StepHell TRAP. Being stupid and naive. 

SS34 has excellent manners and does know how to act decent when not drunk. 

But he is the epitome of a loser/user taker.  He’s still resentful that his parents didn’t shower him with “stuff” like his rich school friends got  - 20 years later.   Neither DH nor BM Disney parented him.  He’s just selfish and entitled by nature. 

BM’s DH is a reformed addict (many many years) who rules BM and tolerates nothing from SS. He’s been banned from their home for even longer than he’s been banned from ours. Although BM and her DH will go to GK’s birthday parties.   DH has gone. I was never invited even before the banning.   BM has her issues and is not anyone I want in my life - but she pretty much invisible in our life. 

well well,  i think every one has pretty much covered my dear Skids... do we share the same DH?

SS20 also eats like barnyard animal... disgusting and gross, does not shower, does not wash bed sheets for maybe a year or longer, dont understand how girls crawl up on that bed.... completely the opposite from clean OCD dad

SS25 took her maybe 3 yrs to graduate HS because couldnt pass the state exam, blamed parents for traumatic childhood lmao, annoying twang and loud as hell

SS19 poor young thing with a baby, can be sweet but lies lies lies constantly and jumps around from one boy to another. never graduated from HS.

BM crazy lardass drunk been married about 3X and divorced again.... back to single life. spread lies about me even though she did not know anything about me... so typical of the sore loser.