It seems to be the thing these days. It is very common. Spoil your kid when they act entitled. That way when they get older they will either be a complete nightmare or lazy and living in your basement. Or both.

My DH is not like this, at all.  So I can't help. But I do think there are plenty of mothers like this, too.

I believe A LOT of it to be lazy or "non" parenting. The disney parent just wants to calm the child down and not have to deal with whatever issue. So they cave for their own ease. 

The real question is why the spouses of these spineless, ball-less cowards choose these disgusting individuals as their life partners.

(And lord knows I make enough of those)...

But ‘turn the other check’ is what a lot of these Disney Dads do when they give out additional $ over and above their CS and beyond all reason.

 They truly turn check (cheque) after check over to their exes regardless of how poorly their exes treats them.

Other than his kids NOT being disrespectful to me that describes me DH exactly. I don’t even think he sees it and for some insane reason I think he really believes he is doing the right thing.

BM is an alcoholic and he won’t even address that she drives those kids around while she is drunk. BM has some weird hold on him to where he thinks anything he ever stands up to will cause grief for his kids.

it is so nuts and I’ll never understand it....ever.

They would be still with the BM.  They would put there kids first, not there marriage.  They made those kids together and they should raise them together,  people who take the easy way out and split up a home will caused there kids all types of problems. 

A few reasons why this happens:

1.) Courts allow PAS, and the PASed parent doesn't have the skills to recognize or deal with it. It's not natural for a kid to hate their parent "just because", and the PASed parent starts trying to find ways to make their kid not hate them. Not all PASed parents are like this, but it can happen.

2.) Men have a MUCH harder time proving abuse during divorce, or having the same avenues of support at women. Then, the courts award custody to their abuser and require them to maintain a relationship with their abuser. It's not being spineless; it's trauma after abuse. And no, I'm not talking trauma after beimg cheated on - I do mean real domestic violence and mental/psychological/financial abuse, which just continues through the kids after divorce.

3.) Women are more likely to initiate divorce, yet men are more likely to get put through the ringer in regards to custody and CS. He still carries a torch for the ex that left him and has no business dating someone else. Or, he has a chip on his shoulder for being a bad spouse, so he overcompensates to be a "good" dad. Basically, when a pendulum swings wildly one way (being left and having your family broken up for what may seem like no reason), it swings wildly in the other direction (try to make family time with your kids "fun" so they don't leave you, too, and try to reclaim your lost family with a new spouse).

4.) Family court, family court, family court. Dad gets bare minimum rights and visitation while paying out the nose in CS and other COed items. His relationship with his children is framed around 48 hours every 2 weeks, and he maybe gets 2-6 full weeks a year with them. If you only saw your spouse or family *that* infrequently, you'd like spoil the heck out of them, too. Add a raging harpy BM threatening to take him back to court for wearing the wrong colored shirt (and likey winning in some places) and it's really easy to see why someone would kowtow to a BM and spend lavishly on their kids - because they *never* get to see the fruits of their $1000+ monthly CS. I truly think 50/50 parenting time WITH 50/50 split of responsibilities (e.g. BM is responsible for medical appointments while Dad is responsible for dental and vision) AND a court system that actually punished PAS and poor CO-parenting would end a lot of this.

5.) BM decides to live in poverty and the courts decide to let her have custody. Or she is a loon and Dad feels bad. Or she is abusive and no one does anything about it. She was poor breeding stock and he overcompenates.

6.) That is just Dad's parenting style and personality. He IS lazy, spineless, etc. He would be lazy, spineless, etc even if married to BM. He was poor breeding stock from the start.

I think some of these things can be fixed if you know the trigger AND the person wants to fix it. I think a lot of it could be avoided if parents actually had equal parenting time and responsibility and rights. At the very least, with equal time, it would be harder to hide bad behaviors. It's easy to show how "good" of a parent you are with only 26 weekends a year, many of which won't be viewed by the new partner.

I'm not saying ALL men are like this. I'm also not giving an excuse for bad behavior. But it's like any other behavior humans engage in. You'll always have non-smokers (non-Disney parents). You'll always have smokers quit because for themselves. Smokers who quit for their friends and family (reformed Disney Dads because they didn't want to lose their new spouse). Smokers who quit because everywhere went smoke-free (equitable court system that doesn't punish Dads). Smokers who haven't quite kicked the habit, or cycle through quitting and using, though progress is made each cycle.

And, finally, you have the smokers who will never quit, either because it's too hard (lazy Dads) or they like it (Disney Dads). Sometimes, they'll even expose others to secondhand smoke because they don't see what the problem is and lack respect for others around them. Those are the folks that need to be unceremoniously removed from your life.

My DH used to be REALLY bad with this, to the point I almost ended things with him before we got married. My last shot was going to counseling and it actually helped. "Disney dad" or "guilty daddy syndrome" is a REAL term that counselors use for this behavior. It's all driven by guilt they feel that they aren't with their kids all the time or that their families didn't work out. They have to learn to get past these feelings and treat the kids normally when they do have their time with them, rather than acting like it's a vacation and everyone else needs to put life on hold when the kids are over. My DH had 50/50 custody and STILL acted this way. It was too much and too ridiculous. I highly recommend counseling!

The answer is, IMHO, you are not describing a man. You are describing a ball-less wonder of a non-man.

Since the subject of your post is at an age were a man would be behaving, acting and thriving as a man, the overwhelming odds are that he is beyond the point where he will ever be a man and is beyond salvage.  He has about zero chance of raising his children successfully to become decent fully viable adults.

So, you have a choice to make. Move on and find an actual man, or, remain with this failed waste of parental skin non man.

Don't get me wrong. I get how difficult it is to maintain contact with the man that one wants to be.  I lost touch with the man I like being during my blessedly short marriage to my adulterous whore of an XW.  I did not marry to divorce. My parents are celebrating their 56th anniversary in a few weeks.  Even being fully committed to that marriage and averse to divorce I reached the point where I had to reconnect with myself as a man and move on.  Fortunately I did not pollute my gene pool with that adulterous skank so my divorce journey was one I could take with total focus on myself.  

To be a true father to his children, your DH will have to commit to himself to become the man he needs to be for himself.  Once he dedicates himself to that, he will be the man he needs to be for his children, and more importantly, the man he needs to be for his wife.  A huge lynch pin to any chance he has of becoming a man, will be to shut BM down and quit being her beck-&-call boy and to actually parent his children rather than catering to their ever PAS'd influenced whim and toxic crap.

I am completely dedicated to my amazing wife.  However, to be the husband and man she has earned I have to never lose track of being the man I enjoy being and that I respect.

I would surmise that your SO does not enjoy being the non-man that he currently is and is fully aware that he is not the man that you are worthy of.  

See what he has to say when you bring this premise up for discussion.

You will likely learn a lot. And just maybe he will too.

Good luck.

Take care of you.

I did some more thinking on this since I am a BM and a SM and my kids have a SM.

at my age (39) many many many of my friends are divorced....over 60 percent of probably 20 couples I’ve met in the last 15 years.....

it seems very rare to find a divorced dad who isn’t as you describe....in my case and in most of my friends cases it is this....

daddy is so afraid of BM and upsetting the kids that he can’t and won’t stand up for himself or discipline his kids ever☹️. What BM says is the gospel....most likely this is guilt. This is my current DH.

OR

daddy remarried and new wife is number 1 and what she says is gospel so he is spineless to stand up to her for the sake of his kids best interest. Again our of fear...and he is supposed to treat his ex wife like a piece of garbage to ease his new wife’s insecurities. This is my ex H.

they both suck and I feel bad for both of them. It makes my life difficult because I have to deal with the disaster that both of these scenarios cause.