She makes me question everything
Every time I see my SD (just turned 8 years old) I have to ask myself if I actually want to be in this relationship with my fiancé. It's currently every other weekend. It's like everything is a competition to her in regards to me and occasionally my 7 year old son but it's mostly directed at me. I mostly stay out of the way because I can't be bothered with the drama. There's a lot of crying and attention seeking. She will try to get my son into trouble with lies and she gets really offended at any jokes or us laughing at something she doesn't understand (and she won't let us explain). She's incredibly rude. I would love us all to just get along and have good times which is what I try to encourage when we spend time together but seeing my son and I happy seems to annoy her even more. I'm never mean, always make an effort to be kind but she treats me like I've done something wrong. My partner won't discuss anything because he doesn't want to taint the short amount of time that she's here but it's making these weekends unbearable. I just don't know what to do. We've been together 6 years and a half years. I hate thinking that I've wasted my time but I know we'd be married and have children of our own by now if she wasn't in the picture. I think it'll only get worse.
It doesn’t really get any
It doesn’t really get any better. My younger SD was 8 when I met DH.....she did all of those attention seeking behaviors....crying, faking sick, pretending to not like what we cook so daddy can make her a special meal....list goes on.
now at 12 she literally stalks DH.....sits on his lap....holds his hand...follows him to bathroom and stands at the door.....never for one second stops talking to him.
funny thing is I totally busted her last night and finally proved to myself that it is all fake and all a show and that she is doing it on purpose to claim her daddy in front of me......
usually she is on his lap or laying acrossed him on the couch....I took all the other kids out last night and when we can home SD12 and DH were watching a movie.....they’d been alone for several hours....SD and DH were on opposite sides of a HUGE sectional watching TV....uhhh why wasn’t she on daddy’s lap??!! Oh that’s right....cause I wasn’t there.....30 seconds later she was on top of him again.gross
my point is it doesn’t get better
We had similar last weekend
We had similar last weekend where she was sitting with her feet on his head (??) and I could tell he was uncomfortable but he wouldn't say anything! How ridiculous?
I do consider ending things but everything is perfect when she's not around (which is horrible to admit and I would never make her aware of this). I picture how things would be just me and my son.
Yeah that happens here also.
Yeah that happens here also. But the kid is 12 so it can’t be comfortable having a 12 year old crawl all over you....dh never says a word to her. I’m pretty sure her feet have been on his head before.......she also likes to hide and come up and scream in his face like to scare him or crawl on the floor into our room and scare him if he lays down.....I can tell he wants to throttle her....but he just fake laughs and acts like it’s cute.
she also will only use our master bathroom and shower....not any of the other 2 in the house....the entire upstairs is kids only...bedrooms bathroom little living room....she NEVER goes upstairs.
it sucks I’m hear to tell you.
Thisisnotus is right and more
Thisisnotus is right and more than likely that dynamic will get worse as she gets older. Right now it’s sounds like he has her on weekends but that could always change to her coming to live with daddy full time. You are already having a hard time with her behavior on a part time basis, imagine living with it full time.
It's unfortunate when they
It's unfortunate when they show such selfish, pathetic behaviour like that. They see their father as an object to own, rather than a person who deserves to be happy. I swear my SD "marks her territory" regarding DH so much, she's only 1 step away from pissing over him like a fucking cat.
But they are kids and have to
But they are kids and have to be taught that their behavior is inappropriate. If no one teaches you that putting your feet on your father's head isn't okay, then you have no reason to think that isn't okay.
Dad not doing anything only reinforces the disordered behavior that SD exhibits. While right now the consequences of not saying "stop that" are minimal, the consequences grow with the child. What happens when DH finally doesn't want his teenager daughter hanging on him like a boyfriend? She'll find a boyfriend to do that with, and no amount of Dad trying to explain that that behavior is inappropriate will mean anything because for years he demonstrated that it was fine.
OP, you have an SO problem. He allows poor behavior, which is a silent approval of that behavior. It's only going to continue and worsen as SD ages because he isn't actually parenting her.
I absolutely agree he is the
I absolutely agree he is the problem! We don't see her on Christmas Day so he's basically letting her do what she wants to ease his guilt. (She goes to visit family hours away with her mother).
I did ask her to stop, she ignored me until he muttered she should listen to me and then came the tears before she did it again anyway.
That's so true, Bex! It's a
That's so true, Bex! It's a shame because if she just let go and relaxed she could have so much fun with us. She'll be in for a shock if we do break up and he meets someone else who is a genuinely bad stepmother.
I would eventually lose
I would eventually lose respect for a man who can't even tell his daughter to take her feet off of his HEAD?! WTF? What does he have where his spine should be?
What your SO chooses to not
What your SO chooses to not understand is that he is tainting his time with his daughter by not stepping up and parenting, his choices to not model the picture of a strong confident man, father and partner to his SO, for his child.
I have to say, this guy sounds like a write off to me.
Who wants to be in a life long relationship with this big of a failure of a parent, father, man and potential mate?