You are here

Need advice on 12yo/SD

Sublime's picture

Submitted by Sublime on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 9:09am

I have a 12 yo/SD...we got along well until my husband and I got married (3 years ago).  She is eith us every Tuesday and every other weekend.  I always get anxiety knowing she is coming over. I get frustrated bc my husband does not enforce ANY rules or make her accountable for anything,  making me the "bad guy" for asking her to do the basics...putting dishes away, cleaning her room etc...

Recently she has started urinating on bath towels?! I don't understand or know why/how/etc...she has told me she can't help it...she chose to urinate on the towel instead of lifting the toilet seat. I don't understand this behavior and I'm sick of it! I'm not sure what to do.  Her Dad doesn't say anything about it and I'm always having to deal with this bc he's at work. 

Any advice is appreciated! 

Comments

Sublime's picture

Submitted by Sublime on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 9:16am

So frustrating isn't it?! I'm sorry you're going through this also, but glad I'm not alone! I'm honestly not sure how much more I can take...

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 9:55am

Your DH is not parenting his kid.  That your problem it's DH.  This kid needs mental help.  No normal kid would do this.  Letting this behavior go on it's just bad parenting.  

Sublime's picture

Submitted by Sublime on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 10:35am

Thank you for confirming this! I've suggested psychiatric help and DH and his ex don't want to admit their child has problems...I'm emotionally drained and becoming resentful toward SD. I'm also not sure how to help the situation or if I can...

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 11:09am

Dear lord that's not normal. Couseling necessary. You do not clean up, DH and SD do it. If they don't and create unsanitary situation, plus lack of counseling, I would not stay. You are not the parent and cannot cover for him. She's old enough to start taking care of herself in a lot of ways.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 11:12am

Yes, your SD has psychiatric problems which need help.  Your DH also has problems in that he believes if he sets any rules, his snowflake will not want to come around any more.  I would say around 75-80% of us here on ST have had that issue. 

Sublime's picture

Submitted by Sublime on Sat, 02/22/2020 - 11:42am

Yes, it has gotten to the point that SD no longer even speaks to me.  She tells her BM and my husband that she's "scared of doing the wrong thing" while she's here...I think that is her excuse to get out of being accountable for her actions.  She stopped wanting to spend extra time here after I decided to have limited screen time on her devices...

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Submitted by DHsfamilyfromhell on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 1:05pm

She’s quite literally pi**ing over the house like a cat or dog to make it ‘hers’. Yes she needs counselling.

Did you move in to a new house together when you got married or was this his house before it became both of yours?

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 3:00pm

I would make an appointment with her pediatician on his behalf and inform him of the time so that he can have her fully checked out for a urinary tract issue.  Let the two of them explain to a medical professional why it is perfectly reasonable to pee on a towel instead of in a toilet.  Meanwhile he can clean it up and wash the towel on the sterilize washing machine cycle.

Mandy45's picture

Submitted by Mandy45 on Sun, 02/09/2020 - 8:52pm

Something not right bm or dh need to deal with this because it is not normal behavior. I would refuse to look after her till the problem is looked at. This kid need help. Something very strange is going on here for a 12 year old to be doing this. It may be because you guys got married. Or there could be something happening at bm. It really needs to be looked into. 

Peace1's picture

Submitted by Peace1 on Mon, 02/10/2020 - 7:37am

Wow!  Definitely sounds like she needs help.  Unfortunately, you are just the SM and in no position to offer it.  Tell your DH that you expect him to deal with this and get his kid some medical and/or psych help, then you disengage from the situation.  Go to an exercise class after work on Tuesdays, have lunch with a girlfriend on Saturdays, whatever.  You aren't the girl's parent.