I'm new here! Try to keep it short.
I'm 27. Have 2 kids of my own. Been with fiance for 6 years. Got engaged a year ago. I can already tell his kids will be the reason we end things.
My kids are 7 year girl and 8 year boy . His kids are 8 year boy and 9 year girl. Yes 7,8,8,9. They bump heads alot which is given being close in age. But I tell you what...his kids are devilish. Spoiled, rude, whiney amd ungodly annoying. I cringe when it's their time here. They do every other week but are here 2 days of her week. So here most of the time.
The oldest girl is the most u grateful spoiled witch I have ever met. For instance I redid her room while she was at school. NOT ONE THABK YOU I LOVE IT. Nothing just "I like it" when I redid my kids rooms they hugged, squeezed and kissed me and said over and over how thankful they were. The girl also will cry DAILY about how there is nothing to do, she wants to go shopping, she wants to go somewhere. Notice all things include money. And when we say no she becomes mean. Like yelling at you, wont conversation. Rnn to room and slam door. She is spoiled by her mom, grandma and dad. They will give her anything she wants. I on the other hand will not give in to it. So she hates it and will go asks her dad which always says YES!
Might i add her mom is in abusive relationships. BUT SHE IS THE ABUSER. Her ex girlfriend left because she broke her arm , her new boyfriend recently left because shes an asshole. So she witnesses this and thinks it's okay. SHE WILL BE THE WORST TEENAGER. I am not looking forward to it.
The 8 year old boy, I'm pretty sure has social issues and other issues. He is so insecure. Hates himself. I just dont know what to do. That's a totally different subject. If you say literally ANYTHING to him he will get mad and yell. He still wears pull ups at night, which he actuallt pees the bed every night. But NOONE is trying to fix the issue. I've given pointers on what helped with my son. Still nothing so if they want to waste money on pullups so be it. Saves me doing laundry every night. Lol he is a tit baby and all he wants to do is watch tv and "cuddle his daddy" boo fucking who. Cannot play any board games because he cant lose or he cries because he "sucks".
This is just SMALL details. That happened within the last week. This morning the daughter freaked out and wpuldnt get in the car because I called her name with her middle name. Which everyone does. She wouldnt get in car told me to leave her alone just an asshole put me in a bad mood that's when I went to google and found this sight.
MY KIDS ARE NOT PERFECT BUTNI SWEAR THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER WHEN HIS KIDS ARE NOT AROUND.
I dont think anyone will read this and reply but I got it off my chest.
Thanks for listening there will be more. This will be my outlet.
I just dont think I can do it anymore.
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Comments
It sounds like you are
It sounds like you are expected.. or are just doing the "mom role" in the home.. getting kids off to school etc.. why doesn't their father do that for them?
He works at 7a.m. When it is
He works at 7a.m. When it is our week I used to wake them up and get them ready but it became such a chore because they wouldnt get dressed ect. I told him so now he wakes his kids up gets them dressed and feeds them breakfast. But when he leaves they are cocky and cry alot. Everyday its "I dont want to go to school, I hate school" it's just overwhelming.
Sounds like a similar story
Hey Girl!! I completely understand what is happening to you, I have been trough similar situations. But let me tell you! This wont get better until the father starts to put pressure on his kids to show a little more respect towards you. I have a SS (Step Son) that is 5 year old. He is the most annoying, mean, nasty kid I had ever seen like he is rude. Well let me tell you that the bad situation lasted a good 2 years. until recently this past year 2019-current my husband changed to strict rules, doesnt let him son talk to me bad or to my kids, punishes his kid for being bad. This all happen after I told my husband I wanted a divorce because of his son. He came trough real quick. Things will start changing if you can make your husband understand that these are his kids and he needs to dicipline them. Also people are probably going to judge me for this but: No one will respect your kids if you dont demand respect for them or if you let them misbehave as well. When other people see that you respect and put your kids at a high standar they will start doing that as well (including your fiance). I am not saying you arent currently doing this but if you already do, you really need to show it more. Also this will sound kind of mean but if you start doing things with your kids and leave out the Stepkids out you will make them feel like crap including your fiance. When that happens let them know the reasons behind it and then include them. This will teach them to be on your good side including your fiance. He will undertand that if his kids are bad you wont want to be around them and he will unfortunatly have less help from you and he will start forcing his kids to behave.
He SOMETIMES sticks up for me
He SOMETIMES sticks up for me but sometimes he just brushes it off. When I bring up his kids and my feelings he will get defensive and throw something bad that my kids did. He is not a good communicator. Always have been that way. But alot of it I believe is his insecurities from his child's mom relationship. She abused him too. Punch him in the face ect. I include them because I know it will hurt my fiance but 5 mins in I regret it. I just wish he would discipline his kids more. It's always their way or the hwy.
Not all families are meant to
Not all families are meant to blend/live together. It's really hard when there are kids on both sides, with such different personalities, and there are completely different parenting styles.
Personally, I would not force my children to live in this environment. I know couples want to live together but it's just not always feasible.
I'm not sure where all this
I'm not sure where all this will take us. It's not just his kids either.. I'm not perfect but he isnt either. I cut off most of my friends because he doesnt approve or tells me to hide expensive things incase they will steal it. Theres so much more... I just dont know anymore. My life and his life would take a big 360 and it's scary.
It is scary but it sounds
It is scary but it sounds like it would be for the best.
Making you cut off all of your friends is a sign of controlling behavior, that can end up to be abusive (physically or emotionally or both).
I agree. I dont go places
I agree. I dont go places because he gets weird. Asks questions. Who was there. Always texting me asking when I will be home and it made the night not worth it. So I just quit doing it. But then he turns around and says well I dont make you stay home all the time. No you dont, but your actions do. It's not worth it to me. I'm such a social person!! I miss going out with friends just friends in general. When they are here he locks himself in the room. Making it awkward. So they just stopped showing up. He has not seen or talked to my mom in in 2 years. Seriously out of blue deleted her off of facebook amd has not come over. In fact the last time he came to a family get together was 2 years ago. We are always getti g together, every birthday every holiday. And i am ALWAYS the only one without their significant other. My mom feels disrespected. I get it I would to. No explanation no reason. And he has only seen my dad 2 times. We are not close but I've seen him atleast 10 times in the last 6 years. It's all these small things not seeing family and kids are the top 2.
You've been with this man for
Has your Fiancee looked into getting them therapy being that they are with their mother half the time and they see all the abuse that goes on in her home? That is a strong possibility why they have behavioral issues. What is your Fiancee doing to help this situation? He's paying child support but should also look into getting a court order for visitation so its established.
If he's not parenting his kids and you and yours are subjected to this bratty behavior your kids may also pick up their bad habits. If he's not willing to make any changes and fix this situation are you going to remain in this relationship and marry him? It's been 6 years, really consider if you want to invest 6 more or even a lifetime with this man and his unruly children.
Nope. I've mentioned it but
Nope. I've mentioned it but doesnt think it is necessary. I believe he is scared of his ex. He wont mention certain things just in fear of confrontation. That's what I've gathered. I think their mom needs counseling too. But thays something she needs to figure out. He started paying child support last year because courts ordered him to. She gave him the child support card back because He pays for everything anyways. She still asks for money for food, gas, ect. She has a fulltime job btw. Nothing will change for her she thinks she is a perfect princess.
I am dealing with the exact
I am dealing with the exact same situation and I am miserable!! If your fiance isn't parenting his kids, like my DH is not, nothing will ever get better!!!
It wont and that's scary. I
It wont and that's scary. I think my kids and I are getting the shit end of the stick. Why because I love him? Is it worth it? Can I find better? Ugh
I ask myself those same
I ask myself those same questions every day. And in the end... no I do not think it's worth it but who wants to start over AGAIN? I mean could it be worse? Yes. So I stay... I hope things get better for your and your bios soon!! ::HUGS::
Exactly!! Thanks I hope it
Exactly!! Thanks I hope it does for you too! We are just humans trying to live the less stress life and it's hard! I just want everyone to get along.
It's been six years and it
It's been six years and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is any more of a parent now than he was then. He is not making any changes, and therefore nothing will change. It will only get worse as they get to the tween/teen years. Either you want to live this way (and force your children to live this way) or you don't. If you don't, it seems to me that either your boyfriend needs to make BIG changes in his parenting ASAP or you leave.
They were not this way when
They were not this way when they were little. We had such a good relationship. They were 2 and 3 when I met them and we got together. They were sweet, loving and lovable! Now as they got older it gets worse and worse. Sure they have their good moments but the bad out way the good by far. I dont think it will change but theres hope it will and that's why I'm staying. He wont communicate so it's hard to even talk in the moment when things happen. He closes off and gets defensive. I cant just be like "hey after all this shit I'm leaving you. Bye" WE NEED COMMUNICATION more than anything.
But how do you force someone to communicate?!
I cut off most of my friends
I cut off most of my friends because he doesnt approve or tells me to hide expensive things incase they will steal it.
RED ALERT! RED ALERT!! RED ALERT!!!
Are your friends that untrustworthy?? If not, someone who "doesn't approve" of your friends and you "cut them off" to please them? That is a sign of an abuser. To ISOLATE you. I lived it.
If you "can already tell his kids will be the reason we end things", then live seperately and date until all of the kids launch: his AND yours.
We dated for 10 months then
We dated for 10 months then broke up got back together for 3 months then moved in together. It was "all or nothing" kind of thing. things were wonderful for the first 2 years. Minus friend issue. They are trustworthy they were my bestfriends. I dont go out, I dont do anything. He loves me he does. But his past relationship screwed him up and that's what I keep telling myself to convince myself to stay and try to fix it. But he sure is stubborn.
They WERE your best friends?
They WERE your best friends? How sad.
If he is "screwed up" because of a past relationship he needs to take steps to get heal. You should not have to change who you are and drop your friends because he is insecure.
Please realize that is you two do NOT make things work, you have lost what should have been part of your valued support system.
You are being abused
You are being abused. This sentence says it all, "I dont go out, I dont do anything. He loves me he does." A man who loves you does not tell you who to be friends with and does not make you feel bad for doing things without him. A man who loves you does not make you feel "guilty" for no reason. A man who loves you respects your mother. Please do some reading on domestic abuse - it can happen without physical violence. A good place to start is the National Domestic Violence Hotline thehotline.org
I agree. I think OP is a
I agree. I think OP is a little confused about what love looks like.