My crazy life
Some of you may have seen my post about dh and I going down to BM house for overnight visitation with sd8. She has a brain injury which affects her emotions and will not travel to us during the virus. Strangely this is fantastic for me because BM and I get along and sd8 is kept in line by her mother.
My Dh is a guilty disney dad. She is a horror of a mini wife. She needs his attention from the moment she wakes up to the second she falls asleep. She needs to sleep with daddy cuddled in his arms. She needs to cuddle with him all day. She kisses him on the lips and says I love you forever your girl. When she doesnt get her way she has a meltdown to end all meltdowns. He gives into her every demand because he is scared if he doesnt then she wont come anymore and BM wont make her. He is terrified of her not coming.
She sleeps with her mother at her house. When we go down to BM, dh and I sleep together on an air mattress and she sleeps with her mom. Fine. When she comes here she fights to sleep in my bed. We have to inflate an air mattress next to our bed and she has to fall asleep on our bed and be moved over when she's asleep. The air mattress is pushed up against our bed.
I'm terrified for visitation to resume here again. I just cannot have this child who will be 9 in two months sleeping in my room pushed up against my husband. This may be my breaking point in the marriage.
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Comments
Who has a brain injury, mom
Who has a brain injury, mom or sd?
Sd
Sd
Sorry to hear that.
Sorry to hear that.
Is she bedridden? Unable to care for herself?
What is her prognosis?
Brain injury or no, your DH's
Brain injury or no, your DH's parenting is causing this behavior. If she behaves with her mom, she can behave at your house. And i used to work with special needs children and there is no condition or injury that necessitates sleeping cuddled against a parent. I don't know what her prognosis is or the severity of her injury. However, if there is hope of her ever living independently, parenting will play a big role. And if there is not hope of this, he really needs to "parent" her into someone who can be lived with. Either way, you should not put up with this. It sounds like it will take counseling for your DH to come to a place where he is up to the job, and possibly training on how to deal with her. You know what you can live with, and if this isn't it, better to talk to your husband soon amd come up with a plan or, if necessary, an exit plan.
Totally agree with Therapy
Totally agree with Therapy for Dad. 1. To educate him so HE knows that his daughter sleeping in his arms at night is wrong. Also, assuming he is a healthy male, MEN wake up with 'fill in the blanks" daily. What does he do when that occurs?
How do YOU feel about his daughter laying in his arms at night? Will he do that when she is 13? How about 16?
I am sorry your going thru this. Its awful. BM's do this too and it's gross.
All of this, plus the fact
All of this, plus the fact that there is only room for OP's husband to spoon with one person at a time in bed at night, and that one person needs to be OP! Accept nothing less!
If BM is the diligent parent
If BM is the diligent parent in your situation. Shouldn't he be more afraid that if he doesn't start parenting SD better BM will revoke visitation for that reason. I would think that if SD starts acting out at BMs because it's more fun at BDs, BM will have an issue with that.
Ugh, this is gross. Brain
Ugh, this is gross. Brain injury or not.
OP, this was my life at the beginning of my marriage. SD would throw fits for not being able to sleep with Daddy " because they used to sleep together before and everything was fine" uuuuhhhh newsflash: daddy got married and wife is pregnant.... So DH tried to "compromise" by letting SD8 sleep in the floor next to our bed because it was just SOOO difficult to let his damn 8y/o sleep in her own room, in her own bed. I was miserable. It is unhealthy for both her and him. So I started locking my door at nights and made DH snap out of it lol.
Good for you. Privacy in the
Good for you. Privacy in the bedroom is a major issue for me. Everyone should be able to at least have some peace in their own bed!
Sounds like she sleeps with
Sounds like she sleeps with her mom, too, so while BM might not be the toxic horror show many of us have dealt with, she's an enabling parent, too.
Both of them should be talking to doctors, therapists, whoever is involved in her care to discuss what she is capable of and how to maximize her independence. But they probably don't - so expect this to go on well into her adulthood. Maybe if you are lucky she will refuse to come over long before then, and DH will have to visit her at BM's.