I have had this discussion with DH many times, even right before summer break started. You want YSD to be a part of this family unit you crave? Then INVOLVE her in day to day things. Grocery shopping, errands, taking out the trash, yard work, etc. Don't make it an optional thing because optional always = no thanks.

I don't believe in paying for chores either, but a monthly allowance should be allocated and kids should learn to spend their money on things they want. I told DH I'm no longer paying for the bottles upon bottles of hair conditioner YSD goes through (no idea HOW but she uses it 3x as fast as shampoo) or the ONLY cereral she'll eat at $5 per box, 2x a week. SHE can have some skin in the game and go with us to the store and buy this stuff hersef. But then, I'm the EVIL SM aren't I?

The summer that Bratty stayed with us she had no chores other than cleaning her bathroom.  Which we had to nag her to do and she was 19.  It still bugs me because I always had chores growing up and agree it is beneficial towards raising responsible adults vs lazy entitled kids.

I say no to paying for chores but also think that's a judgement call.  But anyone living In a home should contribute to its upkeep.

My DD4 has to do chores everyday. She cleans her toy room and cleans her room. That's all I request of her even though she wants to wash dishes ( just to splash in the water lol). I do not pay her but I give her candy when she's does a good job. But SD11 does absolutely nothing but play on her laptop all day. DH doesn't make her do a single thing when she's with us. So far today, she has been on her laptop 11.5hrs. I just don't say anything anymore. It's getting no where.

Making AdultSkid do anything would result in him telling BM and then she would verbally abuse my husband. 

Yes to chores! Even Toddler (under 5) helps clean up, helps put dishes away, and sweeps up the floors with a toddler sized broom and dustpan. Takes dinner plates to kitchen after eating, puts laundry in the hamper. You know, the usual stuff that kids should do.

SDteen will clean her room, pick up after herself around the house, and she's just started doing her own laundry. SStween can't be bothered. He wrecks the house and leaves an absolute mess. Food wrappers and packaging, sticky shit and crumbs everywhere, can't even take his dinner plate into the kitchen when he's done (he will pick it up and take it to the couch claiming he will eat more later and leave it there), and if he gets anything out of his room it never goes back, literally will be left in the middle of the hallway. I've told DH I am no longer cleaning up after him, I am not a slave or a maid, and this is terrible behavior. DH has addressed it a few times but it keeps happening and is a big point of arguments. The worst is he gets Toddler's toys out, throws them all over the playroom and just leaves them saying it's T's job to clean them up. It's just laziness and disrespect.

Chores are essential for kids IMHO. A family is a team and I feel even little ones should be encouraged to join in tidying or 'washing the dishes', even if it's more for their fun than actually cleaning!  As my skids have gotten older, they have got an attitude about being asked to do anything. Mostly they ignore me so I don't bother asking them to do stuff any more. What's worse is SO who refuses to give them any responsibility at all. Recently, Ive started doing just what they do. They clear just their own dish from the table? Me too! They don't put their clean laundry away? I can't be bothered with my clothes either. I go out, go into my room to watch tv, and do whatever I want. I'm waiting for SO to comment or get resentful about having to do everything round the house. When that happens, I plan to point out that everyone could do something to lighten the load. Till then, I'm doing what I want when I want. The house is a mess but what can you do?

I've had this conversation with OH many a time. Skids should take their plates to the kitchen after dinner, Skids should make their bed in the morning. Really Simple tasks. OH says they are too young and he wasn't made to do chores (6 and 9 Eye roll)....Well lucky you OH because YOU are now responsible to pick up after your children in that case. I nag him to do the things I think they should be doing such as picking up their toys/clothes after themselves, making their beds, taking their plates to the kitchen. I'm hoping he'll soon get bored of doing it himself.

OH lived with his mother until he was 24 rent and chore free. I've also told him that this won't be happening in this house with his kids. I was working at 15 and contributing a very small amount to rent etc from 16. 

Im 7 years in this, and Backstabber SD15 is the same age as Feral Forger SD22 was when I first entered the household and their lives.

DH did EVERYTHING. He did laundry, he folded and put away, he did cooking prep, cooked meals, plated them, FF and BS only popped out when the plates were ready to take to the living room to sit and watch tv. He did all dishes afterwards. He dusted, vaccumed and cleaned bathrooms and toilets, took out garbage.

He set himself and his kids up to be lazy, entitled, slovenly brats who do not do for themselves. They cntribute nothing to the household. And he CLAIMS that before me (BC) they were both extremely helpful and did a lot around the house. Yeah right.

Currently Backstabber has a few chores besides cleaning her room, and doing the dishes (sometimes, and never without argument and never pots and pans) and thats picking up dog doo and cleaning the rabbit cages. Thats pretty much it. Seeing how shes 50/50, and Im not an overachiever in housekeeping, things have been pretty relaxed, with DH and I taking turns cooking meals. But it is ALWAYS an argument/discussion who does the dishes. Even when I come home from working all day, then go shopping, do the prep work, do the cooking, I am still expected to wash dishes? Feck no. I walk away every time, and DH will either request it of Backstabber, or do himself.

Im on the fence about having a discussion on the merits of giving more chores and responsibility to Backstabber. Shes 15. We still have 2 years and 9 months of Child Support along with the constant threat of filing for full custody if child gets upset. I understand fully the benefits and NECESSITY, but do I want to put myself in the firing line with DH? Do I want him to put himself in the firing line? He parents out of fear, and partial laziness, too. He works a physically demanding job, and it takes time and energy to organize chores especially when she doesnt ever ever ever OFFER to do anything to help. She says "just ask", but honestly I get TIRED of asking.

Prior to Grade-gate, I had discussed with her that 1 night a week she cook something for all of us (practice contributing and being part of household). Ill pay with a 30$ limit on ingredients (practice budgeting, shopping and feeding a group, meal planning), she does all prep and cooking and Ill do dishes (practice with cooking nutritious meals, she gets to see the other side of the situation when we come home after a busy day of work, and still need to provide a meal).

It was all win-win, but now Im sitting on that darn spiky fence of "should I bring it up?"

My 15 month old picks up his toys and cleans his room. There's no excuse for children not picking up their own toys and putting them away. If they don't pick them up they are thrown out. Same as if they leave anything on the floor of their rooms - the cleaner picks them up and throws them out. They will learn very quickly or have nothing. I helped them the first two weekends and that was it. 
 

With chores, I don't believe kids should be paid for them as every member of the family has to do family contributions- that's life. If your a member of the family then you contribute.  We give the kids pocket money every week but it's not tied to chores - they get money so that they can buy the things they want and learn how to budget, save and if they want extras they have the ability to buy it themselves from their pocket money. Also if they wish to buy a gift for someone or do something nice - they have the means to do that.

My BS and Skids have the same rules and expectations. We just say that it's just a "house rule" rather than allocated by who you are or how often you stay. 

I think it is necessary too for the health of the family unit. We all have a place and if there isn't any structure to maintain order then the kids are gonna suck. They will do as much as they can get away with and an evil brat throwing garbage on the ground screaming "where's my hot pocket" can be a very real thing in your life unless order is set and enforced and chores are responsibility are a big part of that imo.