BioHo comes knocking

DH - after ‘Ho’s deluge of unanswered calls (he was sleeping) - turned off his phone Wednesday evening and left it off (still is - lol). In fact, SS18 called my phone yesterday afternoon to talk to him. ~snicker~

After a delicious dinner last night, I was doing dishes while DH sat at the kitchen table writing some checks.

~knockknockknockknockknock~ Ye olde back door has a visitor.

DH and I look at each other and I shrug. No one is expected.

Screen door opens… ~knockknockknockknockknockknockknock~

DH huffs out a breath, sets down his pen, and gets up to look through the curtain.

“DAMMIT!”

~unlocks the door and practically yanks it off the hinges~

Reminder: DH is a total potty mouth when irritated.

DH: What the f*ck do YOU want? (Well, hey, ‘Ho.)

Ho: Hii-iii-iiii! ~big smile and sing-songy~ *bad* I been callin you and Aniki and no one answers!

DH: No sh!t. If it was important, you could send a f*cking text.

Ho: Oh it IS, but I wanna ask in person!!! ~still grinning like the Cheshire cat~

DH: WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU WANT?!

Ho: Aniki’s dress at the wedding was sooooo pretty and I’s wonderin if she’d make me a dress for SD25’s wedding! ~likes it’s the best idea since chocolate + peanut butter~

DH: Are you DRUNK? No, she f*cking cannot!

Ho: ~giggling~ Oh I’d pay her for it!

DH: I.Said.NO.

Ho: Ain’t that Aniki’s choice?

DH: I f*cking FORBID her to do it. ~I’m about to die, holding in the laughter~

Ho: You FORBID it?? ~goodybye, smile~ What the f*ck?! She’s a grown woman and can do what the f*ck she wants!

DH: Nope. Not this time. MY WIFE is not doing a damn thing to help YOU.

Ho: Why you muh…

DH: Get the f*ck off my property NOW. You come back, I’m calling the police. ~slams the door in ‘Ho’s face~

DH: The nerve of that f*cking c*nt.

I’m still biting my tongue but can hear ‘Ho - still on the back porch - muttering.

Me: ~grabbing the dishtub~ DH, open the door, please.

DH: Ani, I’m sorry, but I damn well mean it. I forbid you to make her a damn thing!

Me. DH. Open.The f*cking.Door.

DH: ~mouth flapping like a fish out of water~ Aniki!

Me. DO IT.

DH’s mouth slams shut and his lips compress. He steps to the door, makes a grand gesture, and opens it…

….to ‘Ho, red-faced with fist raised, preparing to knock...

…as I fling the tub of dishwater out the door and all over ‘Ho.

Ho: ~screeching~ What the F*CK?!?!

DH: Baha! Bahaha! Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Me: Oops. I thought you were gone.

Ho: YOU F*CKING B!TCH! ~walks INTO MY HOUSE~

Me: Oh, please. Try me. ~dropping the dish tub and stepping forward~

Ho: ~takes a step back~ You wouldn’t dare!

Me: ~evil smirk~ You sure about that? ~step forward~

Ho: ~another step back; eyes widening~ You, you, you…

Me: ~stepping up and towering over ‘Ho~ My husband told you to get off of our f*cking property. Do you need help?

‘Ho’s face paled, her mouth flapped, and she spun around to flee out the door so fast that she smacked her elbow on the door jam.

DH, tears streaming down his face and clutching his aching ribs with one hand, shut the door, picked up the dish tub, and put it in the sink.

DH: Good Lord, I love you, woman!

Sooooooo disappointed I won’t have that dress commission.

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OMG

I thought this was a dream scenario you had! This is REAL LIFE?!!?!??!?!!??!

Really real. 'Ho is a

Really real. 'Ho is a nightmare.

dream in the sense of dream

dream in the sense of dream to have a Go at Ho with no reprecussions. All her own doing!

This is really the best story EVER!!! The nerve she has to show up on your doorstep. Wow just wow!!! You and DH must still be in stitches over the whole thing. I'm seriously a work dying from laughter and giddy with the thought someone like HO finally gets a litte comeuppance. *yahoo*

Not certain about no

Not certain about no repercussions. The only possible fly in the ointment is SD25 and whatever BS 'Ho feeds her. *I* know it was intentional. DH thinks it was a (very) happy accident. Who am I to destroy my husband's little fantasy?

IF SD25 fires back in Mommie-Not-So-Dearest's defense, fingers crossed I can pull of the innocent act.

Faith in you girl. biggrin

Faith in you girl. *biggrin*

Why, thank you! kiss2

Why, thank you! *kiss2*

Omigawd I'm dying!! lol

Omigawd I'm dying!! *lol*

(No subject)

WOW just WOW - she's amazing.

And that is the best story ever.

Amazing is one word I would

Amazing is one word I would never associate with 'Ho! lol

I mean that in the "non

I mean that in the "non-amazing" sense of sarcasm.

Oops. kiss2

Oops. *kiss2*

Wait this really happened?!

If so that is just amazing because all of us wish something like that could happen and get away with it!

Why, honey, I thought she was

Why, honey, I thought she was gone when I threw that dishwater out! ~bats lashes~

And I've been waiting over 10 years to do something like this. *diablo*

Haha oh yes it is something that

can easily be played off as totally innocent which makes it even better!

Definitely more than deserve the opportunity to have pulled off such an amazing accident towards bioho for sure!

One good thing is that DH's

One good thing is that DH's hearing is bad. He did not hear 'Ho out there and thought I was going after her to agree to make a dress. For all he knows, it WAS totally innocent. And I'm not about to tell him any different.

I've been taking the high road for years. I've had it up to my eyeballs with her caca. Hopefully, I've let off enough steam to behave at SD25's wedding...

Whoa? Not a dream?!

Way back when BM would pop by our house to pester DH, he once slammed the door in her face and turned off the porch light. She sent an email later about how he haaaaaated her so much that he turned off the light, and she had to crawl down the lawn to her car because the lack of light caused her to have balance problems (she has hearing issues). Oh well. Stay the hell away.

The nerve of BioHo is incredible.

No, ma'am. No dream.

The last time 'Ho knocked on our door, it was morning. I was wearing an apron and ny incensed DH has slapped a towel-lined basket over his nether bits.

'Ho knows no limits.

Did her flip flops match?

She seriously thought you would make a dress for her? Oh, just THINK of the ways you could do!

Merry, I actually did not

Merry, I actually did not notice!

You mean like the seams give out in the middle of the groom/MIL dance and she's standing there in her skivvies? I wouldn't do that to the wedding guests!

Damn Ani they would need to

Damn Ani they would need to pass out eye bleach and tequila shots. *shok*

(No subject)

*Wiping chardonnay off my

*Wiping chardonnay off my laptop screen*

Evil Aniki is a BADASS!!!!

Evil Aniki is only allowed

Evil Aniki is only allowed out on veeeeery rare occasion and only when pushed. She is NOT nice. *dirol*

OH MY ...THIS IS THE BEST

I dream of doing this to the orange tooth rodent Beaver.....for now I will live though you.....

All Hail Aniki...You lady have made my Friday.

BTW...Beaver wears flip flops ALL THE TIME.....so I had to laugh at the flip flop comments.

orange tooth rodent Beaver

orange tooth rodent Beaver

Now, THAT is s picture!

Thank you so much, halo! ~curtsies~

I wear flip flops a lot during Summer. But this mismatched flip flop thing on a middle-aged person seems silly.

Ani your secret is safe with

Ani your secret is safe with us. Like to have been a fly on the wall. Videotaping!! *clapping*

WarMachine, I would give my

WarMachine, I would give my eyeteeth and left ovary to have a videotape of it!

LOLLLLL this is the best!!

LOLLLLL this is the best!! WTF is wrong with her?? Scary that she thought she could just come on knocking and you would agree.!! WOW.

I have been thinking about putting a small no trespassing sign on the side of our house specifically because of BM. Since she likes to creep around the back of the house when we aren't home. She wouldn't get it though.

MissK03, BioHo knows no

MissK03, BioHo knows no boundaries. Honestly, there is something seriously wrong with her to think she can continually 'crap' all over people and expect them to do whatever she wants. I imagine she thought I would do it because I helped one of the SDs when our relationship was very shaky. 'Ho is a whole 'nother story. If she was drowning, I'd toss her a tractor.

Check your no trespassing laws. Some areas might require previous warning to the person(s) trespassing. *unknw*

Dammit woman, why do you

Dammit woman, why do you always get to be the one to have all the fun?!

Also, "'Ho asking Aniki to make a dress for SD25's wedding" was not on my Bing'Ho card. Anyone else?

Dammit, Lt Dad, it's time! I

Dammit, Lt Dad, it's time! I've been biting my tongue, taking the high road, and using Hannibal Lecter-style restraints (mentally) on Evil Aniki for more than 10 years. I honestly did not know how much more of her BS I could take without losing that tight control I've fought so hard to maintain. I hit 2021 TIRED. Lockdowns aside, this has been MY year. Finally!

I did NOT see that one coming at all! Is that a Daily Double?

Lieutenant dad I was thinking

Lieutenant dad I was thinking a trivia night. *wacko*

Bing'Ho card! lol

Bing'Ho card! *lol*

I didn't see that one coming.

I am not worthy!!! That was

I am not worthy!!! That was the most legendary story ever on these boards. Your name will live on in the hall of steptalk fame.

I can only dream of having the perfect opportunity to happen for me. Thanks for sharing this. Love it !

I don't know about that! But

I don't know about that! But it will certainly live on in my memory. I've already emailed it to myself...LOL

To be honest, never thought this day would come. Wondering if lightening will strike me for feeling so gleeful...

Karma let you participate!

About time! biggrin

About time! *biggrin*

I thought what 'Ho was

I thought what 'Ho was calling about had something to do with the wedding, but not in my wildest dreams could I imagine that she'd ask you to make her a dress. Of course, my wildest dreams didn't include you soaking her with dishwater, either. You go, Aniki!

Same here, ndc. I figured 'Ho

Same here, ndc. I figured 'Ho was after DH to pony up more money. But make her a dress? Bahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

What can I say - I was inspired. We had fish for dinner. I'm wondering if the dishwater smelled fishy...

Please watch your back if she

Please watch your back if she is the type to do revenge or become violent. Does she have arrests for violence? I'm scared for you.

Why are you scared for me??

Why are you scared for me?? As previously mentioned to one or more of your incarnations; 'Ho's "best" qualities are: she is a narc, an alcoholic, and a ho. That sums up her entire life. I'm over 7" taller, studied martial arts, took self defense, and have come out on top in every physical altercation I've had the misfortune to be in with the exception of my psycho exh. 'Ho's idea of revenge is a grudge f*ck; violence is throwing her wine glass/bottle at someone. No need to be scared for me.

You mean to tell me all those

You mean to tell me all those phone calls where over a dress. What??? And she wanted you to make her a dress??? Okay HO has to be on some heavy drugs. Was she dropped on her head as a baby? Maybe she had a lobotomy because she is nuts. Why does she think you are her friend? Only a true friend would ask someone to make a dress for them. I hope you throwing dish water on her will open her eyes. I hate that she came to your house, f'n scary!!!!!!! She really has no clue about what and who she is. D@mn Aniki.

Queen, 'Ho's drug of choice

Queen, 'Ho's drug of choice is alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. So much alcohol, a lobotomy could be brain cells elminated by it.

'Ho. Friends. LOL!! The only female friends 'Ho has are her daughters (down to two since she and SD28 are on the outs). Male "friends" are fuddies or men she can use. She's a narc (and a drunk) and expects everyone to do her bidding. This is the second time she came a'knocking on our door and it was more fun than the last! *yahoo*

Horrible Thought

Brace yourself for a horrible thought...Would it be worth making her the dress, and in return she (obviously pays you a significant amount of money...but also...) has to add your name the photography contract for the wedding pictures nobody is allowed to have? That way you can order (or allow the kids to order) the pictures that HO is holding hostage? Said access to photos to happen before you lift a finger of course. Because you're a woman of honour, but HO has proved that she certainly isn't!

(But I still love the dishwater!!!)

Mominit, well, that ship has

Mominit, well, that ship has certainly sailed!

In all honesty, I have to say that I would never lie and say the pictures were only for DH and me and then turn around and give them to the kids. *unknw*

Why in the f*ck would HO

Why in the f*ck would HO think that you would make her a dress? Bitch be crazy.

Why? Because bitch be crazy.

Why? Because bitch be crazy. 'Ho seems to think anyone will do what she wants as long as she threatens them (kids, their partners, men) or sucks up to them. I have standards - and they don't have to be that bloody high (maybe lower ankle) to NOT do anything for someone like her. *dirol*

Lol Ho is an ankle

Lol Ho is an ankle (three feet lower than a c......)

(No subject)

Fantasy Nightmare

Ive often thought of different ways I can "best" the Toxic Troll" and still come out smelling like a rose.

But the rose goes to YOU!

Dont throw the baby out with the dishwater. You have forever locked yourself out of making a dress for the BH. (Bee AAACH)

BooHOOOOO

CLove, locked out forever?

CLove, locked out forever? And ever and ever??

Woo hoooooooo!!! *yahoo*

So now I understand why you

So now I understand why you keep evil Aniki under wraps... LOL

Winterglow, she's usually in

Winterglow, she's usually in hibernation mode. Poke the bear and she grumbles and stirs and might lift her head. Keep poking her and she gets cranky!

OMG

Like out of a movie! You go girl!

(No subject)

Oh my good Lord! Only just

Oh my good Lord! Only just saw this as it was my birthday yesterday and we were out to dinner. Absolutely love love LOVE it! Go Aniki!

It's when I read things like this that I am so thankful that we moved away from the vicinity of where NPD BM lives, over a year ago. Not that she would ever come and ask me to make her a dress, but in the years that the Madams were coming over EOW, we had quite a few times when she would appear on the doorstep unnannounced and definitely unwanted, demanding something totally unreasonable from DH. I am at a complete loss to know why in the world BioHo would imagine, in her wildest dreams, that you might be willing to make her a dress? She is barmy.

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