Failing at dissengaging
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Been trying to dissengage and just stop caring. But i just cant.
SD has been back in touch. huge long email. abandonment issues lots and lots of other things mentioned.
addressed to me and the Dh.
we replied saying its time to address past issues. as she was the one bringing them up. factually incorrectly. we replied together as addressed to us both.
she has then text DH to say she does not want to discuss the past and wants relationship. but basically we are not allowed opinions. YOU raised the past. now because we said ok yes lets sit and discuss your issues. now you dont want to.
give me strength.
im so tired of this BS. just want to get on with MY life.
rant over !
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past
We have tried hard over the years to not mention the past. move forwards onwards and upwards etc.
doesnt work.
on this occasion. she accused the Dh of certain behaviour in the past where she says he has acted without reason.
he just suggested she may wish to listen to the reason. as there is actually one.
just seems she is the only one allowed to say certain things x
Seems to be a common problem
Seems to be a common problem with step kids, they want to hurl hurtful words at you and twist the past, but when you offer to sit and talk facts they don't want to hear it. Only they are allowed to speak of the "terrible past" even though the adults who were there have accurate facts. My SS was whining to me yesterday about how his mom didn't actually do anything bad... I stopped him and said "repainting the past won't work. You're mom herself admitted to dcfs, the police, and our lawyer all the things she did way back when this happened. There were 3 different agencies that invested her. The adults involved established the facts so we really don't have to go off of your version of events. We've known for years what she did by her own mouth. Changing your story now doesn't mean anything."
he shut up and left me alone after that....
moving on in life would be wonderful
He should tell her that's
He should tell her that's fine, no discussion of the past, just moving forward - but that means she will no longer send any long hateful emails about all the awful things in the past, either.
Toxic emails
Bratty did this crap during therapy (like what is the point of the therapy appointment if you're just going to send long toxic emails?).
If your DH wants a relationship then he should respond and say 'OK - but moving forward means we discuss any issues. These emails are not acceptable. If you can't find words in the moment than write everything out and read it but we're not longer tolerating these long messages about the past'
It really is unnerving when these SKs just toss this crap out into cyberspace whenever they have a brainwave.
emails
it is when they are allowed to say whatever they want and you are supposed to just take it all.
Exactly
If SD doesn't get the message (assuming DH tells her) and stop with the emails/texts then block her. If a grown-arse adult can't tell you verbally then SD should work on that first assuming they are serious about wanting a relationship.
wrong
Am i wrong. ive just had enough of this.
SD is an adult
There is no need for you to interact with her at all anymore. Let DH do so. I'm assuming she lives seperately - make sure it stays that way.
for sure
Im not. The only reason ive ever really got involved is the Dh has clinical depression. so ive just tried to be a sounding board. keep the peace etc. but no more !