and can't care more than the parents. 

Its so HARD..though.

Cheers for not sending it though. Baby steps..

Good. I could suggest and tell my DH to do 100s of things regarding YSD (and formerly OSD) and what I know and don't know. Sometimes I do tell him things anyway, but NOTHING CHANGES so therefore my role is negated and I do nothing. Because even if I say something, or suggest sometime, it comes to nothing, no changes.

Disengagement has saved my sanity. 

I deleted it and did not send...

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!! 

Good for you!  You did the right thing!

Face it, your DH doesn't care, and the Troll doesn't care.  It's sad for the Backstabber that she has such lousy parents, but remember what she did when you cared.  She turned on you.  Your next good move should be turning off those notifications so you don't even know about it.  

It's been a surprise to me to realize how different families value different things.  My family, probably like yours, valued education and there was NO missing unless you were demonstrably sick.  My ex's family had a more relaxed outlook and there were more frequent absences, depending on the child's personality.  Surprisingly, my DD had more of her dad's family's outlook than I'd had with her and DS.  Was it detrimental?  Both her kids are employed, her son going for a Master's now while working a $100k+ job.  My YSS also had a more modified stance.  He and his DW valued travel and frequently took the girls.  So, you could say their education included more varied experiences as world travelers.

I believe you said your DH is from a different culture?  He just may have a different stance toward education than you.  I'd try to let it go but that's hard when it goes against everything you were taught.

No more doing the job neither parent wants to do.  Yes all those things you stated could happen and probably will in B/S 16’s case because she was not raised to hold herself to a higher standard.  It’s frustrating and sad and really nothing you can do about it.

especially when your SD has not being doing so hot in her education. She doesn't fully understand how missing school, not doing assignments, etc. will shape the path of the rest of her life. You understand how all this matters, even if she wouldn't be going to college and went a different route, it still does not help her develop a good work ethic, etc. Like JRI said above, not having good attendance may not effect everyone, but your SD has already shown signs of laziness, bad work ethic, etc.

Good for you on not sending the message. DH and I both believe education is very important and especially after last year which made SD have to repeat this school year, we are even more on the boat of attending school is extremely important when BM does not provide the support SD needs to do well in school.

You are the only one who cares   Parents should care but those two don't.  You see how that turning out .  They see how well it worked for SD 23.   When they don't go to school. College becomes out of the question.  They don't get onto those habits or doing homework ,studying , working with others.  
If they hit college it's a whold new world. It's either  sink or swim. Unfortunately they miss the swimming day, out sick

Always look at each "moment" as you doing better and better. You are making progress in the disengagement! Sad for those individuals....you are a very caring and concerned human. Don't waste your "pearls on the swine."

As Harry said, your SD (or SKs) have TWO parents. It's THEIR job to monitor attendance, grades, etc. If THEIR kid fails and is unable to function as an adult, that is on THEM. 

Best to you, CLove!

I want to add. YOU cannot care more than their parents. Take my situation. DHs youngest lived with us for his Junior year. At the school for transfer, the principal told me I was wasting my time with him. Well, I proved him wrong. The kid  went from failing high school to an A-B student with zero missed days and re-qualified for our state tuition program (college). Went back to BM for Senior year; missed 53 days of school, failed 4 classes. The school coerced 3 of the 4 teachers to give him coloring sheets to do and pass; math teacher refused. So, in order to get the kid to get his GED, we offered a nice used car upon graduation. So at least he has that to fall back on as an adult. But see what busting my arse for 9 months, taking hell from the adult daughter, etc. got me? Continue with your disengaging, CLove.

Sometimes it's really therapeutic to write things but never send. My emails usually have a drafts or two of these journal entires that I end up deleting but feel better after I write them.

You can't care more than the parents but you also have to protect yourself. If a kid is failing at high school it doesn't bode well for them launching. Then what? Disengaging gets you unemployed step kid as a roommate.

The hardest part is the powerlessness of it all. It's so easy to see what the parents should be doing even if it's just a minimal effort. And they don't.

I'm sorry some of these situations just seem like a front row seat to the slowest car wreck

Can you call the school and have yourself removed from any notifications? I did that last year and I felt so much better. 

I don't want to know because there is nothing we can do about it anyway. It upsets me, it upsets DH- no good can come from even knowing for us. 

In your case, nothing good can come from you knowing about her school. The only thing you need to KNOW is that you and your husband will not support her financially after high school if she fails out or can't get accepted into college. That boundaries are in place for where she will live after graduation. As long as that stuff you know and believe your DH will stick with, you're good. 

I understand you worry if she doesn't do well in school, she won't ever launch. But the reality is that she isn't going to do better because you keep checking up on her and agonizing. There is no correlation. Plus plenty of people don't do great in school yet manage decent lives. And many do well in school but still struggle.
 

Stop checking up on her grades and attendance and getting upset over every little thing. She missed a day. Who knows why.  She has parents. Let them worry. It's not accomplishing anything.
 

Turn off notifications.

Don't worry about how you did things when you were a kid. That was long time ago. You aren't her. Not the same family. Not the same life.

Good job not sending anyone anything. Now stop checking.  Live your life 

Great Job! It is NOT your job to report on her absences to DH and you don't owe them the time or consideration for why it's going on either. Nothing would change if you did waste your time with it anyway.