Stop thinking this way! You have no reason to feel guilty! SS is way overscheduled as it is, and he is not being denied any activity because BM can't afford it. BM chose to move away in order to limit SS's time with DH. And there is no way a child has any understanding of how Dad spends his time or his money when he doesn't live with him. All of that nonsense was coming directly from BM.

Your BM was never had SS's interests at heart - only her own. You and DH do a great job handling the situation. As they say, stop "borrowing trouble" and don't give another thought to paying anything above child support.

SS is the victim to his mother. Period. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking otherwise... you have a life outside of SS. She seemingly doesn't. That's her choice- and the fact that you choose to have more kids, live in a different state, have jobs, etc and not spend your life jumping through BMs everchanging hoops is not your issue. The woman sounds like she has a personality disorder... that's entirely on her.

Whether DH is paying or not, BM is over scheduling.

 SS asked to do a few single day basketball "camps" 

Really? SS11 found out about these camps and requested them. Unless he found out about them when BM left the brochure on the kitchen table, I don't buy it. This is all BM (in my opinion).

dragonfly878 hit it perfectly.

"SS notices how you use your PTO and how you spend your money. Your money and free time is never spent on him. He knows he isn't the priority"

This is utter crap and you know it. How old was the kid at this point? 5? 6? Do you really think a kid of that age would reason like that? Especially when he was made such a fuss of when he was at your place. He was thrilled to be there and enjoyed every minute. I very much doubt that it ever crossed his young mind that he wasn't "the priority".

A loving parent doesn't ship their child 6 hours away and then work to legally cut off contact with the other parent.

You've said it before: BM wanted a free sperm donor. She thought she got one and didn't anticipate DH trying to stay involved. She is going to keep twisting the situation because she initially didn't get what she wanted. If she can't have it her way, then she'll make everyone - SS included - suffer for it.

You already know that if DH took regular PTO to go visit SS that BM would then start yelling about how it's "her time" or it "makes SS feel bad" or it "embarrasses SS because he has to explain why you're only sometimes around", etc. You two could live next door to SS with 50/50 and BM would STILL say that somehow it was having a negative impact on SS.

You can't win when the rules always change. All you can do is stop playing. If she hints for money, my only suggestion is to start throwing half into a savings account so that if she manages to convince a judge that you owe her, it's available. If that never happens, then you'll have a nice vacation fund to celebrate when you don't have to deal with her anymore.

SS constantly asks us why he has to go to your state to visit, yet you never come here. It is supposed to be about YOU being involved in SS' life, not SS being involved only in your life. You can't put the job of being a parent on the child. SS notices how you use your PTO and how you spend your money. Your money and free time is never spent on him. He knows he isn't the priority."

Holy Crap. I think BM2 wrote almost the exact same email to my DH. Same situation- She move 1300 miles away. She over enrolls him in activities. She does everything in her power to stop visitation, yet DH is the bad guy. Yep... there must me some book or class I missed as a BM on how to emotionally destroy your children's father. 

In truth I would guess SS loves coming to visit. It's probably his only time to relax.

You aren’t dead beats, in fact I would question that the money even actually goes towards the extra-curricular.  Case in point, when DH and I got married he was paying half of Spawns dance tuition.  This included all the extra fees that come when it’s performance time.  Well then Meth Mouth got Spawn in acting lessons (out of town), taking private vocal lessons (out of town), and private violin lessons.  She began hinting about needing reimbursement for half of those costs as well and started talking about new head shots for Spawn as well as taking her to auditions (out of town) etc.  Pretty much she was hinting at around 500.00 extra dollars per month in extra-curricular, this was outside of CS.  I flat out told DH no, we didn’t have the kind of extra money and if Meth Mouth was determined to turn Spawn into the next Jon Benet that was on her.  Well wouldn’t’ you know shortly after that is when Meth Mouth and her ex split and she got busted for the first time and come to find out her dance tuition was not being paid…DH had been giving Meth Mouth the money, she was just using it for drugs.   I don’t think the BM is a drug addict (maybe), but if she sees an opportunity to get any extra money out of your DH I’m sure she will.   Using “for the good the child” is absolute bullsh@t.

This isn't about SS or money, this is about BM's addiction to narcissistic supply. Like any addict, give her the drug she is craving and she wants more. Narcs are black holes of need. She will never be satisfied.

Without a mirror, the narcissist doesn't exist. People are needed to validate their existence, in many forms: apologies, explanations, gifts, monies, praise, acknowledgements, attention, etc. When it comes to money, the amount isn't really relevant, it's the "getting" that matters. The money is an acknowledgement of her superior parenting dominance and status as primary, 'owning' something that someone else cares about.

In the case of the ECs specifically in this case, the added benefit is she gets to play the who-loves-you-more game. As if any kid in his right mind would want to be overscheduled like this, if given a choice.

Please don't respond at all. ignore this and all other requests.

costs of extracurriculars for SS.

The Judge gave us direct clarity. CS is the NCP's entire contribution for support of the kid under the CS order... except for any other specifically defined cost categories. In our CO, that included only half of all medical expenses not covered by medical insurance (e.g. Rx glasses, Co-pays, Dental procedures, etc..)

CS covers all legal support obligations including extracurriculars owed by the NCP unless others are included in the CO.    In my layman's opinion and our specific experience of course.

In your case, I would advise that DH take that stand that if BM signs the SKid up for tons of extracurriculars, DH is already supporting that in his CS payments.

PERIOD! DOT!

Have DH roll up a copy of the CO and continuously beat BM about the head and shoulders (figuratively of course) with that fact. 

"Great, I am happy to contribute in providing those opportunities for my kid in the CS that I pay you.  However, none of those activities can interfere in my visitation time and if you do not surrender my child per the visitation schedule I will smack you with a contempt motion every time my kid is not available per the visitation schedule. Have a great day. Buh-bye."

Or, in far less words... as thinkthrice advised "Thanks for the update."