What to do
Sooo long story short I've been w my spouse 12 years. 2 step daughters 15 & 18. Been a roller coaster but for a long time we got along well. Once I got pregnant w my now 4 year old they turned very jealous and started Making up horrible things about me. I then distanced myself for a while. Almost 4 years went by and they decided they wanted to make amends and start over. After false cps allegations (closed unfounded) I stopped trusting. But they apologized and really wanted to start over. My husband's parents got involved and turned on us, along with his sister agreeing w them that we "abused " them.
Even after they admitted they lied and got help they needed my dhs family still thinks we neglected them. I wad 6 months pregnant at the time and wanted to stay away. We have been making baby steps.
Now there's a graduation w all the family that caused issues. I do not want to be near them. Bm has apologized as well and has tried to make amends. I'm trying to be forgiving but cautious.
Am I petty to not go to the high school graduation if my dhs family go?
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No second chances
They need profession help. When the health professional saids it ok to let them back into your life. Then , and only then would I consider a small relationship with them
How have you been doing?
Your FIL physically attacked your H, your MIL and SIL are first rate vipers, and the SDs filed a false report that brought CPS poking into your life. That's an incredibly toxic group of people, and you should stay away from them at all cost.
I know the passage of time can blur the edges of harsh memories, and this isn't the reality you'd hoped for, but what is the upside of letting the crazy back into your life? Don't listen to your people pleasing tendencies. You don't want to go and you shouldn't go, so stick with that.
What's to be gained by going?
What's to be gained by going? Not a lot apparently. OTOH, do you really need the mega dose of disfunction you might get? Not your kid's graduation so why bother? Honestly, the further away you stay from the coven, the happier you will be.
Calling CPS on you one time should suffice to be cut out of your life for good. You could have had your daughter taken away. Why give them a second shot at you?
Dealbreaker
There is a difference between Trust and Forgiveness.
To get to the point where they actually got CPS involved is a dealbreaker for me.
If you dislike me that much you want to try and get my children taken away or put me behind bars then I am completely done with you. We all make mistakes. I get angry and say things I shouldn't to my kids or lose my temper on the back 9. In my anger, I have never picked up the phone and called the police or gone through Children Services where I have to create an allegation against someone. That is a different type of person.
I would tell them I absolutely forgive you, but I will never trust you again. If they want to earn my trust back then they can earn it. I won't be so closed-minded that they can't repent and right their wrongs, but they will absolutely have to prove it.
Whose graduation is it? Is
Whose graduation is it? Is it someone you care about? I don't think you're petty if you don't go - you should be no contact with your husband's dysfunctional family, and being at a graduation with them isn't consistent with that.
No
I would say if you still have had feelings about attending, then don't. You don't have to attend something where you're feel uncomfortable, and they are old enough to try to make amends and understand that their actions have consequences.
No, you are not being petty.
No, you are not being petty. Not your circus, not your monkeys. They are your DH's problem and his choice on whether to deal with them or not. Period.
As for forgiving? It is 110% possible to forgive people and never again allow them to be part of your life. It does not make you petty. It means that they are so toxic to your life, well-being, and safety, that you don't want contact with them at all. You are allowed to have peace in your life.
They aren't your bio kids.. I
They aren't your bio kids.. I seen no reason for you to attend their graduation. If you are trying to be on good terms.. I am betting a gift would be appreciated by them more than a face in the crowd.
Im in "Camp Nopesienowana"
Id say make some awesome plans with your bio for that specific date and time.
High School graduations are overrated, IMO. They force them out no matter how they do.
When SD24 Feral Forger was about to graduate high school (barely), the tickets were limited. She did not have enough to invite me. She invited her father, her mother, her sister, her 2 cousins, and 2 favorite aunts. One auntie couldnt make it and offered her ticket. Husband told her "either Clove goes or I dont go, so you should see about getting that ticket." One of the few times that he had my back in steplife.
She got a ticket the next day, and gave it to me saying "I hope you go, I had to stand in line for a REALLY long time".
I took an unpaid half day off, to get there early, and sit on a hard bench in the hot sun and had forgotten to bring water and none was being provided. It was a MISERABLE experience and we are now no contact. The only benefit was being there for Husband because he didnt want to be there alone...
SO, that being said, what would you have to gain from exposing both you and your kiddo to these toxic vipers that only want to make nice because they see a beneifit for themselves???????????????????