Upcoming Nuptials

I normally come here regarding DH younger set of kids.

Today is different, he also has two older children (different BM) UGH I know. I'm just venting I suppose.

Anyhow for a little background, Eldest SD is getting married soon. He has been divorced from her mother for 30 years. Her sister and DH have been estranged for about 10 years and although he has attempted to reach several times, remain estranged.

Eldest SD wedding is fast approaching. We haven't seen or spoken to their mother since the younger sister's high school graduation. Not long after is when he and that daughter became estranged.

Eldest moved to our state with her fiance last year. Stayed with us for a couple months and was able to find a rental nearby. We have a pretty good relationship her, her dad, the fiance and I. She has always complained about her mother but I also know how kids (she's mid 30's) can play both sides at any age, so my guard is always up. For them most part though, she seems very annoyed with mom often and sister even more often and will vent to us. We are careful to listen and DH tries (emphasis on tries) not to add to her commentary with his own feelings.

Lately as we are super closing in on the wedding date, she is sharing more and more frustration with how the mom is acting. Originally it was more about the sisters comments about "why does dad have to be there" kind of ridiculousness. Now it's also the mom saying things to her like "who is gonna be at the rehearsel dinner" and when she is told the list that of course includes her dad and I she is getting sighs and comments etc from the mom. Last night I told her if it makes her life easier, not to worry about our feelings and we are happy to bow out of dinner after the rehearsel. She was adament that she wants us there and if mommy has an issue mommy can not come.

I feel bad from eldest SD, but no way would DH or I ever circumvent her and say antything to the mom. We are keeping our noses clean and being angels but it sure is sad this woman can't get over whatever issue she has from 30 years ago for one dang day.

Fingers crossed BM nor the sister ruin this kid's day. They sure know how to be a black rain cloud everywhere they go.

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Comments

You're doing the right thing

How uncomfortable but you guys are doing the right thing. Yes, the BM certainly sounds difficult. Occasions like this are so difficult in a stepfamily. Cordial and polite is the way to go, if possible. Just tell yourself it will be over soon.

PS, I hope you got a killer dress and a spa appointment beforehand.

You are so right. My mom's

You are so right. My mom's favorite saying for dreaded situations was always something like "the longest journey begins with the first step". I'm ready to barrel through and get it over with and back home. We are traveling to their home state for the wedding as well so added stress and strain.

I think I'll save the Spa for after that way I can come home to my house / sanctuary and really properly unwind.

If mommy dearest backs out

If mommy dearest backs out then that's on her and she will look immature. Don't play nice and lose out on memories. Support SD best you can thru this, BM will only get worse if babies come. SD wants you there. Congratulations on that.

Would DH put BM in her place and tell her to knock it off for one day? Reality is such a hard thing for this type of BM to face. 30 years and still ruled by hate. She's rotted at the core IMO.

DH would probably love

DH would probably love nothing more than to have a crack at BM verbally but he and I both know it would bite him in the a$$ . He isn't saying a word and just acting oblivious to her nonsense. Now DH's mother, my MIL , always hate this BM and will be at the wedding. Hahahaha I'm not so sure she can keep her cool when it comes to not saying anything if BM does anything overt to pi$$ on the day.