5 years married anniversary continued, aka fly in my ointment (long)
It was a mixed bag of nuts. As always. Never really great or good without SOMETHING. Lets see...
June 21 Anniverary - So I get half day off and am relaxing. I check the temps and its in the 100's where we are planning on spending our anny watching a concert by a 70-year old rocker known the world over as that "other singer". Husband has not gotten the day off due to unforseen circumstances. Im chilling and in no hurry.
No flies are appearing in the ointment so far...but wait!
We get there and its hot but not bad. We check in, ac on, hotel is across the street from music. We walk across the street and into the concert section and find out the tix I bought were for THE ABOSLUTE WORST section in the whold place. I get to hear about it, until his friends and friends daughter meet up with us and they are in the BEST section. We sit with them, and enjoy.
We leave the benches and go towards "the pit" which is a large flat section in front of the stage. Dancing not sitting is my thing, so Im a happy camper. Until friends daughter starts texting husband. I mention personal texting between them is my boundary. "no thank you". This is thanks to some alternative therapy that I am trying out. Husband gets angry with me, and tells me he is leaving to go join friends and friends daughter (folks, she has a longtime bf and even though shes young and pretty and skinny, does not just go out and around...but still, its my anniversary and I want for this small space of time to be about us...not someone else wanting his attention and to dance with us). I go with him, but he gets my coldness. Things thaw later, but Im still holding my boundaries. I told him I dont like the personal texting. It doesnt work for me. To all intents and purposes he stopped.
We end up dancing on other stages around the fairgrounds and its nice. fun. tiring for us old fogies.
*** June 22 Saturday - Get up. go to hot tub because muscles tired and jets were soooooo good. Sit by the pool for a bit languishing. THEN we decide to head to coast for a cool off, as its a 30 plus degree difference. Coastal town, lots of tourists, lots of walking. Lobster lunch, cocktails, walking, shopping. Its all nice. Apparently it was sometime saturday Husband got texts from Feral Forger SD24. More on that later.***
Husband buys me some plants and other gifts. We figured we have too much stuff so we would rather spend anniversary making fun memories.
We get home and are exausted so we stay home and hang out doing whatever.
June 23 Sunday - We get invited to a friend of husbands house for bbq. Turns out this friend has a nice high-living lifestyle and a gf with 2 young kids, boy and girl. The guy is good about giving kids boundaries but mother is not, father is deceased.
We get to talking about HUSBANDS kids and our relationship. Apparently Power sulk and I were "like two screaming girls". I said "no, I sat there while skid was yelling and berating me and phone shoved in my face then threats of CPS while you listened."
that didnt go over well. Some other things came up and the night did not end well. I took Monday off.
June 24 Monday night we talked things over. Basically I am supposed to "let things go". That my involving myself emotionally and investing myself emotionally and financially is the wrong way to go and that I need to back off. Because its not making me happy, the way things are, and its not making him happy. So....I thought that I HAD let things go. I dont do for powersulk, help PS, give rides offer to pay for anything. No organized outings, I keep away when shes at the house, doing my own things...I guess hes upset because I told someone else my challenges.
pffft.
*** Back to our talking things out. Apparently Feral Forger SD24 had texted sometime on Saturday about how she feels he has forgotten about her and they have no relationship and its his fault, he doesnt want her in his life. At least she didnt bring me in this! He said that he "straightened her out and set her straight on things", meaning he told her that he is always asking to do things like lunches, dinners for birthdays and just getting together, and she never wants to make plans and never gets back. He said he told her "if you want a relationship, Im always here and always love you and lets make plans to get together". He never heard anything back since then...
I figure that since shes a 1-trick pony and that since its been a while since tthe last move where he drove over 6 hours roundtrip to move her stuff down and clean up her room, shes needing a new place to land. He said that she was trying to make him feel guilty. So thats what makes the most sense. Another thought was that she wants to have a relationship, and wants to say "I love you," etc, but feels like the outsider. He thinks shes jealous that power sulk gets to do fun things on 4th with us, and she wasnt invited.
IDK. and DNC.
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Comments
Funny how the failed parents/adults don't like it when the facts
bare their ass. If they can control the distribution of the facts, they can maintain their self delusion. But... when he tries to paint you with the arguing girls paint brush that applies to PS, and you bare his ass with the facts to the people he is trying to delude, he gets his skivies in a twist. He is the pouting infant. Keep the presure on.
Ha!
Well played CLove.
Thats why I am cold right now
Polite and cold. Just the whole thing turns me cold.
Love the revisionism
With these guilty parents! Chef still refers to himself as a "disciplinarian" to his kids! He was lax compared to a wet noodle!
Lol
Gotta love a parent that is so spineless that they think wet noodle discipline makes them a disciplinarian.
Wet noodle
that turns around and lays down hard firm boundaries with spouse.
My takeaway from reading that
My takeaway from reading that is that your DH lacks boundaries across all aspects of his life. Texting his friend's daughter while out with you, wtf? That's just bizarre. It's him. He is the problem. Toxic Troll may be a toxic troll, Feral Forger amd PowerSulk live up to their names, but the problem in your marriage is your husband is a douche. And you take too much of his shit and give too much of yourself to people who don't appreciate it.
Or deserve it.
Or earn it.
Across the board - yes
Im journalising and its pretty much ALL his relationships. Its because he just sees himself as this "really nice guy, and wants everyone to be happy"...everyone except me that is.
What's funny is that his
What's funny is that his closest relationships to women seem to be disasters (wife, daughters, ex.) He has some deep-seated issues.
I've found that sometimes
I've found that sometimes women get so caught up in trying to "win" the man, or please him or make him appreciative. But we don't stop to think if he is worth all the heartache. Is he really someone to appreciate and sacrifice for? Some guys try to get women jealous of each other and competing for their attention. Like the harem mentality. It sometimes works, too. Don't take the bait!
Take him at his word and stop doing anything at all for Powersul
Take him at his word and stop doing anything at all for Powersulk. That means no passwords, no cooking, no trips, no presents, no nothing.
yep.
Ive learned some lessons, hard won. She never really appreciated anything I ever did, it was all an act to please her father.
Im re-reading my blogs and comments.
No doing anything...Im seeing the way the future will go.
Fortunately I am already working on myself and have been going through all my separation of emotion work.
They always do that. If
They always do that. If someone asks a question about an event with steps, my husband will get ahead and respond with a story that makes it look as if i am crazy and if i correct him in front of ppl, it will be hell on earth afterwards. This is why many of his relatives and BMs believe I am the evil one when it comes to steps. Jokes on them because 10years later the behavioral issues of steps have worsened and their BMs and father are suffering with their disrespect and they all dropped out + crime and drugs!
Eventualy PS and FF will be seen for who they truly are by their parents. Now dont expect apologies or acknowledgements, you will still be seen as the evil one but you may be also blamed for the way they turned out
Turned out
I really dont think so - Ive not had anything to do with feral forger. I have relinquished any and all things to do with power sulk. she supposedly just completed her drivers permit online class that I helped sign her up for a year and a month ago. But funnily enough, when husband told me that he had texts from feral forger about their relationship, I did mention that I need to watch my back because I dont really feel like getting the blame for anything to do with them and their relationship.
Be very careful....The fact
Be very careful....The fact that he is rekindling with toxic FF and enabling lousy PS while talking about divorce is not a coincidence...watch your step
yes
I think with feral forger whining about having no relationship with husband shes angling to get back in the house because shes probably having issues with current house.
I think with husband its a way to control things and control me and Im no longer afraid of the d word.
what's up with him personally
what's up with him personally texting with his friends daughter? is that a thing now because I'd go scorched earth on the Mr if he even texted one text to someone he has no biz texting privately.
Yes that is strange.
Yes that is strange. Plus she's at the venue with them so why text him?
I would question why he even
I would question why he even has his friend's daughter's cell number!
I think it's likely some kind of ego stroke for him that he thinks (delusionally).. that this girl think he's a cool older dude. That he is "young at heart".. look the Z's love me.
Then, when CLove tells him to
Then, when CLove tells him to please stop texting his friend's attractive young adult daughter while out with CLove for their anniversary, he gets mad and says he's leaving CLove - to go hang out with the friends and the daughter! He's an asshole for doing that and a creep for texting the daughter and not the friend.
Couldn't have said it better.
Couldn't have said it better.
It started I think...
When friends daughter organzed a birthday camping trip and he needed to contact her about their location. I had asked for her cell number also and he did not give it to me.
It definitely should NOT be a thing because I am not comfortable with it.
You Are The Adult
So he puts you on the same level as his child. He is the adult and you and Buttmunch are squabbling children.
Stop defending yourself and take the offensive. Slap him down.
I'm one of the few here rooting for your relationship. Many of us have DHs who are not narcissists, necessarily, but they do require very firm boundaries. It's up to you.
If you aren't assertive enough, people will run all over you in every aspect of life.
Trying to get that inner spine
to be able to "slap him down" when he puts me at the same level as a child. That he did that makes me really question what his motives are. But Rags outlined it perfectly. He is presenting things a certain specific way, because he NEEDS me to be the bad guy that is "like the child" in the relationship.
Im just really mad at things right now, and am hoping I can take the anger out of it and move forward. I dont know how to "get past things" and "let things go". Im jjust cold inside really.
Wait, why is your DH texting with the friends daughter to begin
with? Let alone at a venue they are all at. That just seems really ODD to me.
I'm curious what the texts
I'm curious what the texts were about. Was it, like "wow, this music sure is good!", since they were all at the same concert. I remember one of my dad's coworkers acting like that when i was in college. I sort of played along to be nice and not offend, but behind his back i told people how cringey and creepy i thought he was.
The texts
The texts that I saw were that she wanted us to be dancing together with her and her longtime boyfriend.
Yeah that's weird... I may be
Yeah that's weird... I may be just the paranoid/jealous type Clove so take what I say with a grain of salt... you obviously know your husband better... but why is she so concerned with where your husband is dancing? I mean it kinda sounds like she wants him to dance near her? Again, I may be off base but it doesn't seem normal to me.
"like two screaming girls"
"like two screaming girls"
Even if you hadn't set the record straight, this comment is soooo much more a reflection on him than on you. You just don't say things like that about your spouse, not ever. His friend was probably enlightened to the kind of moron that he really is, saw beneath the veneer, if you would.