BM says she doesn’t trust me with kids

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I've been looking after my SK for two years now. We have a great relationship. My relationship with BM used to be cordial until recently after a disagreement.
She now says that she doesn't trust me with the kids because "she thinks that I think she's a bad mum" but she still sends the kids to me to look after knowing their dad won't be around. Saying she sends the kids to him and I just happen to be there. Even though, I make plans around kids and arrange for us to have the kids 50/50 ex. 3 weeks in each household during the summer holidays. She even made passive suggestions for him to leave me (she still wants him back after 3 years) Both her family and my partner's family aren't very involved with kids but my family goes beyond and above for them. Taking them out and spending quality time with them.
Her comments made me angry and I've decided to no longer have the kids on my time (when their dad isn't around) and instead just have them when he's at home. Because ultimately when I have the kids, I help her and give her time to herself that she would otherwise not have had we been only having the kids on dad's availability.
I feel disrespected, used and taken for granted.
Am I wrong for removing my personal availability to babysit for her?

#stepmum #stepmom #stepmother

Respect her wishes (she'll regret it)

Yesterdays is right, you have no obligation to babysit and you've been doing a favor. If BM prefers less free time and prefers to spite you, I'd let her have her wish.

I also agree with cutting contact with her. I tried to maintain communication with BM once her kids moved in here. But after her turning my remarks against me, I stopped. It never works out.

you got what you said you wanted

When first step grand was born, step-son-in-law informed me that I was not a grandparent. Then weeks later, he told me that they only let relatives watch their child. To me, if I'm not a grandparent, I'm not a relative (for what relative would I be).

Fast forward a few months and step daughter asked me why I never offered to babysit. She said that SSIL really didn't mean it. I replied that since he had said it several times, and she had been present for most of them, I had no reason to not believe him. If you say what you want, and you get it, you shouldn't be upset that you get it. And yet somehow they are.

I agree with you.

These delusional ingrate BMs have no problems treating step mothers like second class citizens for no reason other than petty jealousy but then in the same breath want to use the step moms as their own free childcare labor.

After I found out this waste of space BM said she didn't want me around her kids....guess what, ..... I gave her what she wanted and refused to be alone around her kids - no more drop offs or me being responsible for those spawns if their dad wasn't there to be physically present for them

I refused to do the work, clean up after them, expend my energy, and invest in a bunch of ungrateful people

Especially if the BM is getting paid child support and you aren't being compensated anything

Just say NO!!!

The whole point of visitation

The whole point of visitation is for the kids to spend time with their father; it is NOT for you to give BM time off from her kids. You are perfectly right in refusing to babysit. If your DH isn't there then his kids can't be either. Stick to your guns.

IMHO.. it doesn't matter if

IMHO.. it doesn't matter if BM trusts you .. it's your SO's responsibility to entrust people to watch his children. NOW.. the other issue is that she is a hypocrite if she says she doesn't trust you..yet wants to dump her child at your doorstep when it is HER custody time.

So.. my feelings on this are that if you enjoy generally spending time with the child.. and it is something you want to do on your HUSBAND's time.. maybe so he could work.. then I think it's fine for you to watch the child then.

However, when it is BM's custody time.. you have the right to refuse your services to her.

I would try to avoid taking my feelings of BM out on the child.. if you wouldn't mind caring for the kid.. if it weren't for BM's words.. I would probably still do it.. but only when it was my husband's time.. and I would expect him to be reasonably available during his child's custody time in his home. (work obligations perhaps are allowed.. but if he is never there.. then I'm not sure the current schedule fits his availability).

I learned early in what BM's

I learned early in what BM's game was and I was not playing it. I gave her what she wanted and in the end she did not like it. Ha ha. You can't dump the skids on me AND complain about it. You wanted the CS at that level so that means you are responsible for the skids on that time.

Put your foot down OP. Then enjoy the free time and her tantrum.

Stop being a free babysitter to both of them.

People over use the word "disrepected' these days. Right now YOU are allowing everyone to use you. Why is that?