Is this my insecurity?
So we all get along with BM and her husband. We met with them and the kids to go eat and then us and the kids go home. We were all eating and my husband got a steak. As he was eating, BM said she remembered one time (when they were together) when he and her were eating and he got a steak that was dark red and looked bloody. My husband said “yeah and you were gagging the whole time.” Then I said something about how I had one similar to that one time. It was when me and my husband (her ex husband) were eating. He didn’t say anything about it when I brought it up. Also, her and her now husband got a new vehicle and she brought up how my husband and her were test driving a stick shift before kids were born and how it went bad. It kind of bothered me because I really don’t want to hear it, but she was telling the kids the stories while we were eating. Is this my insecurity? Should I be okay with this and accept the fact that they had a past and can be friends? Should it bother me? Would it bother you?
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I get along with my exhusband and his wife
And we don't ever go to dinner together but we will do graduations and joint birthdays and things were we are in each other's company. I would never do that though. That feels inappropriate. and He's never done anything like that to me either. I doubt it would make anyone comfortable. I would be denying any future dinner invites.
Getting along is one thing, I
Getting along is one thing, I don't think they need to reminisce about every little thing. That gets really old and is really inappropriate.
Don't socialize with them
You're keeping it civil but I wouldn't socialize, ie meals together. I know how I felt about BM but her DH, Clueless, didn't get it and liked DH who is funny and acted friendly. One time, Clueless said, "We all ought to go out somewhere!". I was dumbsruck but before I could say anything, BM screamed, 'No,!". Lol
She was messing with you. If
She was messing with you. If it was me I'd take one of two approaches. I'd make sure her DH was nearby enough to talk with him and crack a joke to him about "oh no here we go again with the old stories". I'm sure he felt awkward about it also. If my DH was totally clueless about her game, I'd start talking about an ex or two and good memories until he noticed and commented about it. Then go in for the kill and make it clear to him that it does not reflect well on HIM that he allows BM to babble on about old memories of a FAILED relationship.
We teach people how to treat us.
Men can be dense about these things. You have to spell it out and do not allow him to call you overly sensitive about it. He has to step it up and put you first to the whole world ALL the time.
As long as you continue to socialize with BM and her husband
As long as you continue to socialize with BM and her husband things like this are going to happen. I'm not sure if she is doing it on purpose to bother you, or if she just feels comfortable enough to talk about things in their past - like old friends would do. Personally, I think you are all way too emeshed - but if it works for you, than this is something you are just going to have to ignore.
Agreed
It's one thing to be on good terms with your ex- Going to dinner fringes on being "good friends", and that only works if their "friendship" doesn't make their current spouses uncomfortable. That's not what's happening, and you aren't in the wrong for it- there's a reason most people don't hang out with their exes once they are in a new relationship. It feels like if they can't refrain from reminiscing in front of you and her spouse, it should be a more cordial relationship- friendly when you see each other, but certainly not where you go to dinner together. Unless, as was mentioned by notsurehowtodeal, you feel ready to just ignore it. Doesn't seem worth it to me.
You and DH go to dinner with his X and her DH?
Not insecurity. More like a rational pespective regarding an irrational situation. I would not allow memory lane discuss
ions between my mate and their X.
This steak discussion is way off base. The entire dinner date between your mate and his X with you and her new life partners as tag alongs is wrong. I would not allow it if I were you.
If it happens again, do not try to participate in their memory lane fest. Dominate the discussion with great stories of incredible steaks and hot cars (whatever topic they are reminiscing) with an XBF. See if your mate likes hearing of your past intimate relationships and anything and everthing you have done with your Xs.
If they wanted to play tender memory games, why did they bother getting divorced and polluting the lives of new mates?
If I remember rightly, meals
If I remember rightly, meals together are not uncommon nor are vacations with them as a big happy family...
Just stop this nonsense
You can't get along with the ex. You can't be friends with person your SO used to have sex with. Wh not invite a ex lover of yours too. You are sitting there and they are playing :Happy Family". Her, him, kids. You are just spectators at dinner.
IMHO Once that divorce and into a new relationship. "Friendship is over " They where lovers they can't go back to being friends. Once a lover always a lover. Think about that, can you go back being friends with someone you were lovers with.
'You have little as possible contact with the ex. Everything in email or text. So everything in writing, othing can be wrong. The time is in the text so no questions . I know some people don't agree on this. But they. Are the ex