Teenage Skid
The time has arrived that the 15 yo teenage boy skid knows it all. Husband complains about his kid not talking to him or wanting to spend any time with him. Skid is just glued to his phone. And........ I'm just over here like yeah ... the skid hasn't had a conversation with me besides answering a direct question with yes/no/idk for years and years.
On one hand this is normal teenage behavior but on the other I'm being petty and sitting back thinking yeah welcome to how I've been treated since Marboro Milly (MIL) exiled us. The skid has always treated the exile as my fault in an unspoken fashion by ignoring my existence in general and avoiding me in every possible way. (Skid will answer if I ask a direct question but very limited and will not elaborate in any way on his own). Right before the exile I disengaged for my own sanity which sent Marboro Milly off the edge and all that.
Anybody else sit back and watch the teenage years happen to the spouse and parent of skid? I'm just tired of giving advice and nobody gives a shit. I've never been a fan of the skid, just no connection and was always the 3rd wheel and never considered or thought of for any birthdays or holidays. I'm just the grocery store, chef and maid lol.
Honestly I'm at that era of starting to take care of myself instead of sacrificing my emotions, care or physical well being for this skid who doesn't give a shit. Pretty sure if I died the skid wouldn't even bat an eye and would just wonder who was picking him up from the sports practices. This community for sure has been a life saver as a stepparent.
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"Honestly I'm at that era of
"Honestly I'm at that era of starting to take care of myself instead of sacrificing my emotions, care or physical well being..."
Amen! Keep it up.
Living well! Means not
Living well! Means not sacrificing one's self as a SParent on the altar of SParental martyrdom to a failed partner and their failed family baggage. They are our partner. They owe us and our relationship their absolute priority focus. Their failed family they owe only what the CO says they owe and they owe their failed family progeny that they are the top responsibility. Never the priority. As for their X(s), they are just shit to stomp on and then scrape off of a shoe when that X steps out of line. If the X is reasonable, then they are dealt with reasonably. If not.....
IMHO of course.
Snatch the phones.
Snatch the phones.
I let these kids know off the top that as long as they pay $0 bills those phones, devices, etc are MINE and I will take them at a moments notice
But yeah with some of these skids and kids ... the less energy I invest in ungrateful people the better for my mental state
I wanted limits
I wanted limits on the phone but unbelievably I got push back from the SO. At first it was yeah these will be the limits and then next thing I know the SS does what he wants with the phone at any and all hours of the day/night. He does get himself up in the morning though but still. I think boundaries would have been beneficial but guess I'm the only one. I don't understand the reluctance but on one hand I do. The SO has been treating the SS as a friend and now the SS has his teenage friends and SO/dad isn't fun or important. I just don't understand the reluctance of SO to parent and as the SM I can no longer be the only parent to a kid that isn't mine.
My SS 16 is a turd. My SD
My SS 16 is a turd. My SD almost 18 has become a horrible person. They are very unlikeable people. My SO and his entire family has just finally realized this. SO is still trying to hold on by a thread . It is way more then just being teenagers .
I'm wondering
I'm wondering if this will be the turn out here too. Ungrateful SS who doesn't realize how good he has it. I think SS is at that attention era where he is getting attention from others at school, gf, sports and doesn't care about SO/dad. It's sad on one end but the other that's exactly how I've been treated for nearly 10 years so why should I feel sorry. It's a reality that SO created
My SO let his kids and ex
My SO let his kids and ex walk all over him for years. Doing whatever they asked. No chores, no consequences, never told no. He felt he had to do it or the kids wouldn't want to see him. Fear and guilt. All he is at this point is a check for BM and sports and a ride for SS. So very sad.
I think it's turned into do
I think it's turned into do this for me relationship between SO & SS. SS thinks everybody is going to just cater to his schedule be damned if we have to work etc. Ungrateful. Can't wait until this SS leaves and hopefully never returns!
SS here is the same way. He
SS here is the same way. He doesn't even stay with us but still wants everything dropped for him. Just yesterday he asked SO to pick him up from some football meeting. SO has been having alot of issues with work but still said yes, like I said hanging on by a thread so will do whatever, he got stuck in traffic and SS was sending nasty texts saying he told him he needed him there at whatever time it was where was he. SO text back was all apologizing and stuff. It should have just been no I can't get you. It is ridiculous what lengths these dads will go to and get not even an ounce of respect. Like you I am waiting for the day SS is completely out of our lives. There is zero joy from him.
If only he would realise that
If only he would realise that his son actually needs him more than he needs his son...
IMHO, "I don't know" (IDK) is
IMHO, "I don't know" (IDK) is the most dangerous three word sentence in any language.
That sentence ended my first marriage. That was the answer to any question I asked my XW for nearly the entire marriage. I finally landed on a question that the IDK answer gave me something to work with.
Asking about work and if anything was wrong - I don't know.
Is there something bothering you about us - I don't know.
Are you happy. I don't know.
Etc, etc, etc, etc, - I don't know.
It drove me bug screwy.
One evening she joined me at work and we had dinner. That was during my restaurateur career. I do not recall her saying a single word during dinner. We went for a walk after dinner. All of my locations were in Malls so walks during work were still pretty much at work. I had an assistant manager on duty so not a problem.
During the walk I finally dropped a close ended question that an answer to would be definitive.
"Do you want a divorce?" - "I don't know". I expostulated ... "Finally! An answer I can work with". The next day I scheduled out first appointment with a marriage therapist. That was the start of a long journey of discovery and ultimately that question was the first step on my journey of rediscovering the person I enjoyed being. I had not been that guy since the day before our wedding day 18+mos prior to asking if she wanted a divorce.
6mos later after we explored her and her relationship with her family, me and my relationship with my family, us and our relationship/marriage, we got to an even more definitive point.
At the start of our last of 6mos of weekly sessions the Doc started with "Now we will start to talk about intimacy within your marriage". XW stood up, and with a snarky tone and bitch from hell grimace on her face said "I do not have a problem with sex." Then walked out of the Docs office. Fortunately we had met there and had driven separately. Of course she did not have a problem with sex. She was filling every available orifice of her body with any swinging willy she could wrap an orifice around at any given moment. What she had was a problem with sex within the boundaries of a marriage and a complete lack of recognition of the sanctity of marriage.
Roughly similar to I don't know, is "So what do you want me to do abou it." Though that gives the equity life partner and equity parent SParent partner carte blanche to tell them what they should and will do.
My DW and our son learned very early in the beginning of us that IDK was not an acceptable answer except in specific use territory. e.g. What is the third planet in the 150th solar system in the XYZ LMNOP galaxy? IDK is a perfectly valid answer. But to situational discussions and questions, it is a cop out, a cowardly dodge, and a near catastrophic outcome answer.
IMHO of course.